HUMOR Digest - 22 Jun 1997 to 23 Jun 1997

Date: Sun, 22 Jun 1997 03:45:25 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Moore on English

The 3rd grade teacher asked a student why he was not working on the assignment, and he replied, "I ain't got no pencil."

Naturally, she attempted to correct him at once: "Billy, it's I don't have a pencil. You don't have a pencil. He doesn't have a pencil. We don't have any pencils and they don't have any pencils. Is that clear ?

"No teacher !" said the bewildered child. "What the hell happened to all the damn pencils ?"

I had a secretary one time who was a language purist if ever there was one. Naturally my correspondence and memos drove her up the wall.

I remember one time a draft came back because I had ended a sentence in a preposition.

I attached a yellow sticky note which said: "Now this is just the kind of minor change up with which I will not put."

During a pre-employment physical a fellow from Texas was asked by the doctor about the scars on his scalp, shoulders and back.

The young man replied, "Oh, that was when I was working on a ranch and got drugged."

Naturally the doctor became somewhat alarmed and wanted more details after hearing that.

The lad said, "Well... weren't much to it. My horse bolted, and as I fell off, I got my foot caught in the stirrup and I was drugged."

If lawyers are disbarred and ministers unfrocked, could:
     electricians get delighted ?                         cashiers get distilled ?
     orchestra leaders be disbanded ?               artists' models deposed ?
     office clerks be defiled ?                            mediums be dispirited ?
     cooks get deranged ?                                alpine climbers be dismounted ?

I would also like to submit for your review and approval a new plural of the word "whim" -- women ! (Spelling not withstanding)

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