HUMOR Digest - 19 Oct 1998 to 20 Oct 1998

Date: Mon, 19 Oct 1998 03:48:05 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Dieting

Specialized diets don't always work very well. For example, one lady I write to just went on a liquid diet -- Lake Superior.

Y'all can do what I did if dieting fails. I bought one of those high tech bathroom scales -- it deducts for good intentions.

If you find your workout tape isn't working, you can do what I did -- trade it in for one on self acceptance.

Best diet I've ever been on allows you to eat whatever ya want, as long as you have a triple-shot highball with each meal...

You don't lose any weight -- but you don't care.

Back in the 60's after Mrs JimJr gave birth to our son, she had trouble losing weight.

The doctor put her on pep pills, but it didn't work real well -- she ate faster.

I'm all for slim and trim, not only for appearance, but health reasons as well. As usual though, the Yuppies in Columbia are carrying dieting to an extreme. I understand the mortuaries there all use formaldehyde-lite.

A female friend of mine was admitted to a private hospital to try to lose weight. Naturally I sent her flowers. I received a "thank-you" note several days later; it said, "Thanks for the flowers, they were delicious !"

If you're unsure of what kind of diet works, ask someone slim what they do to control their weight. For example, I asked a young lady in our neighborhood how she controlled her weight and she said that if it wasn't for a diet drink she gets at a local nutritional store, she wouldn't be able to get into her jeans.

I've been drinking it ever since.

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