HUMOR Digest - 9 Apr 1999 to 10 Apr 1999

Date: Fri, 9 Apr 1999 03:32:29 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: The 1st Committee

There's a rich resource available in our HumorList Archives. In addition to the current 1999 Digests, copies are available of 1996-1998 mailings. The URL's are listed daily in my posts.

              Date: Thu, 6 Apr 1995 14:39:47 EST
             From: Public Relations [PUBREL@VUNET.VINU.EDU]
          Subject: Religious Humor

If God was process oriented, the Book of Genesis might read something like this:

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form & void. God created a small committee. He carefully balanced the committee vis-a-vis race, gender, ethnic origin, & economic status to interface pluralism with the holistic concept of self-determination according to adjudicatory guidelines.

Even God was impressed, and so ended the first day.

And God said, "Let the committee draw up a mission statement." And behold, the committee decided to prioritize and strategize and God called that process empowerment. And God thought it sounded pretty good.

And evening and morning were the second day.

And God said, "Let the committee determine goals and objectives & engage in long-term planning." Unfortunately, a debate about the semantic differences between goals and objectives pre-empted almost all of the third day. Although the question was never satisfactorily resolved, God thought the process was constructive.

And evening and morning were the third day.

And God said, "Let there be a retreat in which the committee can envision functional organization and engage in planning by objectives." The committee considered adjustment of priorities and consequential alternatives to program directions, and God saw that this was good. And God thought that it was even worth all of the coffee and donuts that he had to supply.

And so ended the fourth day.

And God said, "Let the committee be implemented with long-range planning and strategy." The committee considered guidelines and linkages and structural sensitivities, and alternatives and implemental models. And God saw that this was very democratic.

And so would have ended the fifth day, except for the unintentional renewal of the debate about the differences between goals and objectives.

On the 6th day the committee agreed on criteria for adjudicatory assessment and evaluation. This wasn't the agenda that God had planned. He wasn't able to attend, however, because he had to take the afternoon off to create day & night and heaven & earth and seas & plants and stars & trees and seasons & years and sun & moon and birds & fish and animals & human beings.

On the seventh day God rested and the committee submitted its recommendations. It turned out the recommended forms for things were nearly identical to the way that God had created them... so the committee passed a majority vote resolution commending God for his implementation according to the guidelines. There was, however, some opinion expressed that people should have been created in the committee's image.

And God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the committee...

Indexed UGA Humor Digests 1996-1999:
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