HUMOR Digest - 11 Apr 1999 to 12 Apr 1999

Date: Sun, 11 Apr 1999 04:26:33 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Pun Test (some adult humor)

There's a rich resource available in our HumorList Archives. In addition to the current 1999 Digests, copies are available of 1996-1998 mailings. The URL's are listed daily in my posts.

              Date: Sun, 23 Apr 1995 00:40:59 -0400
             From: Larry Scott [scott@BUFFNET.NET]
          Subject: The Shaggy Pun Test (contains adult humor)

It happens to all of us. You are sitting with a group of friends and all of a sudden you are overwhelmed by the urge to tell a long somewhat improbable story that ends with a pun. Loud groans are made & you are pelted with pillows, cushions, paper, garbage and anything else that comes to hand. Why does this happen, and why do certain people seem to be more likely to be stricken with this dread disease.

Dubbed SPS (Shaggy Pun Syndrome) by prominent psychologists, this illness has baffled scientists. What causes it; love of groaning sounds, subconscious desires to be hit with loose objects in the room, or some deeper cause such as becoming fixated at the silly phase.

Whatever the cause, SPS can become a serious mental illness, and if unchecked in its early phases, can result in minor injury (from beatings), major injury (from worse beatings), & even death (from still worse beatings).

Don't despair, treatment is becoming available, ranging from oral counciling, to gags, to tongue removal. As an early warning device the SPT (Shaggy Pun Test) has been developed, based on the idea that retention of puns can lead to SPS the SPT is a collection of "punch lines" from said stories, recognition of over a critical number can indicate serious potential for SPS. If caught early enough it is hoped that the puns maybe removed by surgical means.

To take the SPT merely make an x beside each punch line that you either remember the story that goes with it, or that you can easily build a story to fit. Remember a score of 100% is not necessarily desirable.

__ 1. The squire on the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the other two squires
__ 2. Two obese Patties, special Ross, Lester Cheese picking bunions on a Sesame
         Street bus!
__ 3. Moral: Let your pages do the walking through the yellow fingers
__ 4. Moral: People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones
__ 5. Moral: Don't hatchet your counts before they chicken
__ 6. Moral: If the foo shits, wear it
__ 7. Super California Mystic Expert Halitosis
__ 8. I wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this
__ 9. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's chess nuts boasting in an open foyer
__10. I left my harp in Sam Clam's Disco
__11. Moral: A niche in time saves Stein
__12. Sow Rope, Natey-O!
__13. Well, there's something about an aqua volvo, man...
__14. Moral: A washed pot never oils.
__15. Transporting mynas over sedate lions for immortal porpoises
          [alt: Carrying gulls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises]
__16. It's a long way to tip a Raree
__17. Rudolph, the Red, knows rain, dear
__18. For making an obscene clone fall
__19. Doctor, the thong is ended, but the malady lingers on!
__20. Where were you when the fit hit the Shan?
__21. ...They had left no tern unstoned
__22. ...abscess make the fart go HONDA!
__23. Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!
__24. These are the 'times' that dry men's soles
           [alt: These are the soles that time men's tries]
__25. and he thus became the first chicken to catch a tory
__26. The next day, the headline in the paper read "Peter Viper wrecks a truck
          of pickled Steppers"
__27. Ike's Aunt gets nose hat is fact, son
__28. Dee, who flaps last, flaps left
__29. That's the beer that made Mel Famie walk us
__30. The first time a reign was called on account of the game
__31. Opporknockity tunes but once
           [Alt: O'Pernokkety tunes but once]
__32. Came the reply, "That was no laser -- that was my knife!"
__33. Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars!

               --by Dan Judd

Indexed UGA Humor Digests 1996-1999:
          (text) http://www.crosswinds.net/~jimjr
          (zip)  http://www.oocities.org/BourbonStreet/6293

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