After they had spent several excruciating days adrift without food or water, the Frenchman saw a bottle float by and plucked it from the ocean.

When he uncorked it, a genie emerged. "Thank you for freeing me," he said. Under normal circumstances, I would grant three wishes, but since there are three of you here, I will grant you each one wish.

" The Frenchman said, "Oh, to be backin Pah-ree, drinking cafe au lait on the Champs Elysees, and watching the women walking by in their spring dresses. That is all I could hope for."

"Your wish is granted," said the genie, and -- POOF! -- the Frenchman disappeared from the lifeboat.

hen the German survivor said, "Ach! All I want is to be back in a beer garden in Bonn, lifting a stein with my friends."

"Granted," said the genie, and -- POOF! -- the German, too, was liberated from his misery.

"And you," said the genie, turning to the *really dumb guy*, "how would you like to use the final wish?"

"Well, ya know," the dumb guy said, "it's kinda lonely out here without those other two guys. I just wish they were back."

POOF!

A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. The magazine wanted to show some of the heroic work of the fire fighters as they battled the blaze.

When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved and arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him.

He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!" The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air.

The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures."

"Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer," he responded, "and photographers take photographs."

The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"

NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE

Today, I had a near death experience that has changed me forever.

It all started when I went horseback riding.

Everything was going fine, then the horse starts bouncing out of control. My cries of "Whoa!" and pulling back on the reigns went unheeded. I tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown off.

Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot gets caught in the stirrup, causing me to fall head first to the ground.

Unable to free myself, my head continued to bounce harder, as the horse did not stop or even slow down.

Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager came and unplugged it."

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twing, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side.

He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, "Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and since both of you and your wife wer unconscious, I named them for you."

The husband was thinking to himself, "ho no, what has he done now?" and said with trepidation, "Well what did you name them?"

The brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise."

The husband, relieved, said, "That's a veryt pretty neme! What did you come up with for my son?"

The brother replied, "Denephew."

1. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

2. When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

3. H20 is hot water, Co2 is cold water.

4. When you smell an odourless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

5. Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.

6. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.

7. Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

8. The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.

9. The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lumgs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels of which there are five - a, e, i, o & u.

10. Vacuum: A large, empty space wher the pope lives.

11. For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.

12. For drowing: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make Artificial Perspiration.

13. For Fainting: Rub the person’s chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.

14. To prevent contraception: Wear a condominium.

15. For head cold: Use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in the your throat.

16. To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.

17. Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

18. The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.

19. The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.

20. The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

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