Previous Questions of the Day

You're out on a beer run when aliens beam you and your beer up to their ship. They demand that you give them the beer or else they will kill you. However, you do have one way to get out and keep the beer: Sleep with Roseanne. Even if you give them the beer, they end up killing you. So, to make this question easy for Mike: Would you rather die and lose your beer, or sleep with Roseanne?(4/24/97)

Responses:

it depends. if i choose the sleeping with roseanne/keep the beer option, then do i get to drink the beer before i sleep with her?
Well, I would have to drink a LOT of beer beforehand but I'd rather sleep with her than die. Will I be killed if I can't get it up for Roseanne? Between the beer, and having to sleep with a woman, and the woman being ROSEANNE, and feeling that my life depends on it, I'm afraid my penis would shrivel and fail me! (But I would have to TRY.)
again, i would think that these powerful alines who masterd space travel and were able to wip out all of humanity would have some form of on-the-spot treatment for impotence. because one can only guess the affect of zero gravity on mr. winky.
You guys are so sad. You guys are obsessed with your penises. Women would never refer to any part of our anatomy like a seperate being (ie "Mr. Winky). However, I must applaud [a QOTD receipent] for admitting that in some circumstance, no matter how unlikely, he might have trouble "rising to the occasion". You don't see a man admit this very often. I would pick Rosanne if beer is included. If not, death. A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do.
I agree that it would depend on how much beer I had and whether or not I could drink it first. THe old drink till she's cute thing. Also money could be an incentive...or if I could pick the position (ie-so I didn't really have to LOOK at her.. )

You're on a job interview when the main boss decides you and 2 main other people should go to lunch and talk there. You end up going to a crowded Mexican restaurant, which is kind of cramped because the tables are fairly close. Without thinking about it, you gobble down your food and all of the beans. After a few minutes, without even controlling it, you let out a huge, loud, 5 second long fart. Everyone in the restaurant turns and looks at you. What is your reaction?(4/22/97)

Responses:

"Got milk?"
I guess I'd TRY to change the subject of interest as quickly as possible: "Now, gentlemen, I'd like to explain why I believe I'm the best person for this job..."
OR, I could appeal to their sense of political correctness: "I hope that your company doesn't discriminate against the gastronomically impaired."
WHOOP! There it is!
If at all possible I would look shocked and blame it on the person next to me. Even add a "How could you?" for effect.
I'd smile and say "So, how about those Cubs?"

You are abducted by enemy forces, and given the choice of either having a swastika tattooed on your forehead, or having a "Prince Albert" performed. Which do you choose? (4/19/97)

Responses:

I'd choose the swastika, I could later get it removed... nothing is going through my dick.
Well as MOST of you know already...I'd have to check into laser tattoo removal surgery and or make up effectiveness...the whole idea of potential infection in some areas...just isn't cool.

If you woke up tomorrow as a member of the opposite sex, what would be the first thing you would do? You all should have a pretty good idea of what I'd be doing. :)(4/18/97)

Responses:

Gee Kev, you'd be redecorating that fast? Personally I'd go investigate as to what actually DOES go on in women's restrooms.
I'd go to San Jose, find Josh Sneed (who I had a crush on a few years ago), and attempt to seduce him. He's not interested in men, but he's a slut when it comes to women. So, as long as I woke up a DECENT looking woman, I'd have a fairly good chance with him.
Is that before or after I scream hysterically?

An evil and sadistic magician captures you one day while you're walking down the street. He says he's going to turn you into an animal, and he's going to make you change your name to something that rhymes with what type of animal you are (for example, mamster the hamster). What do you change your name to? Yes, I'm starting to lose it.(4/17/97)

Responses:

Definitely Sid the squid (because I like the name, not the animal). If I were to choose by animal, I'd be Kant the ant (as in Immanuel Kant, the philosopher). [Ed. note: The QOD is not about philosphy, rather, the distinct lack of it]
Beryl the squirrel (but I'd hate to be a squirrel).
Fuck the Duck. Have a good day all.
What the heck rhymes with sloth?

An alien lands in your backyard. He comes up to you and says he will take you to his home world, where you will experience wonders unlike you have ever imagined. However, you first have to consent to the anal probe. Do you: A) Say "Probe away!" B) Tell him to take his green ass back to Uranus C) Attempt to capture him and sell him to the National Enquirer D) Politely say no, and wonder for the rest of your life what might have been E) Attempt to perform an anal probe on him (4/16/97)

Responses:

I choose A. What's a little probeing between intergalacitic brethren. After that I would go for choice E. See if he likes it. Ewww. Wait. Maybe he will. Then where would I be? Yuck.
Well in the immortal words of the Tick, "Take out your weird instruments of science and probe away!" either that or pull a George Carlin on him and say, "after I shove this hot poker up your ass, I'm going to chop your dick off!"
I'd try to sell him to cheap magazines, and if they didn't buy that he was an alien, I'd say he's my dog who developed an anal fetish.

You're enjoying some great oral sex from your partner, when all of a sudden, they stop and say that they'll quit doing it unless you scream out "Bubba, Bubba, you're making me so hot!" Do you say it to continue the oral sex, or do you suddenly feel the need to puke?(4/15/97)

Responses:

I'd say YOU'RE THAT BUBBA GUY,EWWWWWWWWWWW....GROSSS!!!" And then I'd jump in the shower and scrub myself with sandpaper and a brilo pad.
Say hello to self love.

Situation: You and a good friend are at the grocery store, when you see the lottery machine and decide to put in a buck. However, you're all out of money. So your friend loans you a dollar. Later that night, you're watching tv when they show the lotto numbers, and you end up winning $20 million dollars. How much do you give to the friend who loaned you the dollar? (4/14/97)

Responses:

1 dollar, and you tell them you lost.
It depends whether or not I like this friend. Most likely I would give the friend in question half of the money. If I really didn't like this person, I would move to another country and mail them a dollar. :) [Ed. Note: A dollar in which currency?]

How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? This one is for Mike (4/13/97)

Responses:

woah. it is morning. i turn on my computer. kevin has sent me wood. wood in the morning. "morning wood". kevin must be the morning wood fairy. no, kevin is not a fairy. and he has not given me morning wood. i am just going off on wood. "lamentations on wood" "variations on a theme of wood". Abouav's Symphony #1, in which one section of the orchestra is featured, the WOODwinds. yes. i am going insane. spent the whole weekend so far doing homework. stuck in my room. just me and my wood. oh, ok, better stop this insanity right now. that wood be good. goodbye!
How much pud could a pud-whacker whack, if a pud-whacker could whack pud? I think that's a much more pertainant question. Kev? Would you like to feild this one? [Ed. note: No]
A pud-whacker could whack a pound of pud, if a pud-whacker could whack pud.

Situation: You've been dating a person for about a month, and it's now that person's birthday. You got out to dinner with them and their parents, and their parents arrange for the waiters to come over to the table, and make complete asses out of themselves by clapping and whooping and singing happy birthday. The person you are dating not only is not embarrassed by this, but seems to be over joyed to be part of such a "fun thing". Would you break up with this person based solely on this? I think you can guess my answer based on the way I phrased this situation. (4/12/97)

Responses:

had she been drinking? if so, then maybe. but if NOT, then YES!!!! "run away, run away!!!!!!"
What's wrong with having fun? Especially if A) you're drunk, and B) you're getting free stuff...
Can I poison the birthday cake? Sure, I'd die too, but it'd be worth it.
I'd lose the boyfriend, and hook up with the father

If your house was on fire, and you only had time to save one thing, what would it be? (4/11/97)

Responses:

my horns. then i could go and play on some street corner to collect money for a new house.
My roommate of course! Who else would do the cooking and the cleaning?!?! ;) [from her roommate]:WE gotta stick together! Besides who else would make you feel guilty for NOT cooking and cleaning?
My computer..how could I be an internet junkie without it?

If you could come up with a nickname for yourself, what would it be? (4/10/97)

Responses:

I'd call myself Sparky.
Without a doubt...The Great One.
I thought i was the asswhore, or the Geesemaster
Belle (french for beautiful)
LORD OF ALL THAT IS RIGHTEOUS AND JUST. KEEPER OF THE SACRED TRUTH AND LEADER OF ALL WHO ARE WORTHY. But you can call me Bob.
I'd like to be known as David Duchovney's bitch!

You're sitting at home one afternoon, bored as can be, when you decide to masturbate. Suddenly, the door opens and you're discovered! Who would it be the most embarrassing to be caught by? : A) Your mom B) Your lover C) Your roommate D) Your boss E) Your dog... Or send your own opinion on who would be most embarrassing.(4/9/97)

Responses:

I don't know about most embarrasing. It would be equally embarrasing with all of them. But as far as my career goes I would least want to be caught by my boss because he would see that I was totally incompetent because I did not lock the door!
Your boss.....The thought of it is disgusting
Well let's see. B) your lover..if they haven't seen you do that before, then something is WRONG. C) Your roomate...would certainly depend on the roomate and how well you knew each other I guess..so it might not be so bad in ALL circumstances. D) Your boss..what if your boss was hot and you wanted em? so that leaves A) your mom, and E)your dog. I'm sure mom would always be an embarassing situation, and your dog? guess it depends how much you "love" him... hehe...just kidding. My vote is for MOM though.
I'd hate it if my dog came in and started to lick me while I was doing it.
Well, after thinking about this long and hard (no pun intendede), I have decided to choose the dog. I mean have you ever seen the look on their faces when they see you naked. That's bad enough!

If there was a specific sexual act that you enjoyed immensely, but the person you were dating found it disgusting and refused to do it, would you break up with the person based solely on that? I'm not going to mention specific acts, as I don't want to embarrass myself.(4/8/97)

Responses:

It would depend very much on the person and the relationship. If it was just some accuaintance and it was based on sex, then sure. but if it was some really killer person..then no.
if the relationship is based solely on sex, then there is no reason so stay with that person if they don't do it. but if there was other stuff then i wood (oops, would) definitely stay. WELCOME BACK to the QOTD!!!!
fuck it. I'd dump her.

Situation: You and your lover decide to engage in a little kinky sex one morning, your lover handcuffs you to the bed, but he or she trips and bangs their head on the bedpost, knocking them selves out. The painting men are due at your house at 1:00, it is now 11:45 you told them you wouldn't be home , so you gave them your house key to get in. You're completly naked, and your lover is out cold, and the clock is ticking away, What do you do?

Responses:

Guess you could 1) wait for her to wake up 2) depending on the bed, try and break it or 3) see if you can reach the phone with your feet or somehting.
Have your dog come in and save you
Lie back and enjoy the show :)

Situation: You’re on a ski trip with all of your close friends. You get caught in an Avalanche (or similar natural disaster) and everyone dies but you. You must become a cannibal to stay alive. Which of your friends do you eat first and why? (2/17/97)

Responses:

Why, the ones with the most meat on them *wink* :)
Whoever was mangled the most, because when i was found that person wouldn't be having an open casket ceremony anyways..
I'd eat Kevin, cause he's got lots of meat on 'em :)
I would eat the person that I disliked the most and savor every bite!!!

If a young couple is going to commit double suicide, but the guy lives, should they charge him with a crime for his girlfriend's death? (2/15/97)

Responses:

I believe they would charge him with being an accomplice to her suicide. Suicide is a crime and helping someone one (or allowing it to go on) is also a crime. So, yes he would be charged. Whether or not he SHOULD be charged it different. I don't believe he SHOULD be charged. If people want to die, go ahead. More power to them.
only if he helped...like pulled the trigger or bought the pills..etc

Which of the three major meat producing animals would you want to be, cow, chicken, or pig, and why? (2/14/97)

Responses:

A pig. They get to roll around in the mud and just generally be, ummmmm... piggish. Sounds like fun to me! Cows are in danger of being tipped while asleep by rednecks with no teeth and it would be humilating to be a chicken and run around with your head cut off.

If you could be a famous musician for one day, who would it be? (2/13/97)

Responses:

DUH!!!! Phil Smith of course!!!!!!!!
PHIL SMITH!!!! Need you even have to ask why?

If someone is giving you a blowjob and chokes to death, are you guilty of manslaughter? (2/12/97)

Responses:

heck no..as long as you weren't forcing them..it's voluntary manslaughter..or suicide. :)
Yes, I think you would be held responsible. You are at least an accessory. Hey! If your in a state where oral sex is illegal, then would it be assault with a deadly AND illegal weapon?

If you ran out of toilet paper, would you cut up a blanket to make rags to wipe with, or would you just not wipe your ass? (2/10/97)

Would you want to have a tail? Why or why not?

If you woke up as a member of the opposite sex, what would you change your name to?

Would you rather have a smelley roommate or a rude roommate?

If your roommate is having a sex dream and starts masturbating, do you:
A) ignore it?
B) wake him/her up?
C) leave the room?
D) finish him/her off? (Don't ask us. Ask Dave!)

Would you rather sleep with Marilyn Monroe as she looked in her prime,but dead, or alive as she would look now if she were alive?

Your cellmate "Bubba" says that you "have a perty mouth", but your "ass is nice too". Which would you choose? (Figure it out stupid!)

Would you have sex with a dead person for a million dollars?

Would you rather die, or have sex with a dead person?

You are an executive of a company. You get to hire your own secretary.You get three choices:
A) A very attractive person, but very stupid. You would have to do a lot of the work yourself if you hire this person.
B) An average looking person with average intelligence.
C) Butt ugly person, but a great worker with way above average intelligence.He/she would actually do some of your work for you.
Which would you choose?

Would you rather die by drowning underneath a swimming pool cover or be eaten by pirahnas?

Have you ever wished that you had a tail? If so, what would you do with your tail?

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