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"Where one drop of blood drains a castle of life, so one kiss can
bring it alive again"
-The Sleeping Beauty, by the Bros. Grimm
"If you are ever in doubt as to whether or not you should kiss a
pretty girl, always give her the benefit of a doubt."
-Thomas Carlyle
"Is not a kiss the very autograph of love?"
-Henry Finck
"Give me a kiss, add to that kiss a score; Then to that twenty, add
a hundred more: A thousand to that hundred: so kiss on, To make that
thousand up a million. Treble that million, and when that is done,
Let's kiss afresh, as when we first begun"
-Robert Herrick
"You've got to dance like nobody's watching, and love like it's never
going to hurt."
-Anonymous
"...my fancied triumph was but the ideal imperfection of roses
Let us reflect... or suppose those women that you idolize were but
imaginings of your fantastic lust!"
-"The Afternoon of a Faun" by Stéphane Mellarmé
"If you would be loved, love"
-Hecato
"Take love away from from life and you take away its pleasures"
-Molière
"There's nothing half so sweet in life as love's young dream"
-Thomas Moore
"One caution:
the hotter the sizzle, the sooner it can fizzle--
so be sure to take your time"
-June 1996 Star scroll for Sagittarius
"Infatuation is like peanut butter... it tastes good, but it's not
healthy"
-Salamander
"Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage or removal of the
patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder.
This disease, like caries and other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized
races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure
air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravishes"
-Bierce
"Love is a grave mental disease"
-Plato
"Love ceases to be a pleasure when it ceases to be a secret"
-Alphra Behn
Fuck Valentine's Day
Hearts & roses & kisses galore...
What the hell is all that shit for?
People get mushy and start acting queer
It is definitely the most annoying day of the year
This day needs to get the hell over with and pass
Before I shove a dozen roses up Cupid's ass
I'll spend the day so drunk I can't speak
And wear all black for the rest of the week
Guys act all sweet, but it soon will fade
For all they are doing is trying to get laid
The arrow Cupid shot at me must not have hit
Because I think love is a crock of shit
So here's my story... what else can I say?
Love bites my ass... Fuck Valentine's Day!
"You know how you can tell when you really love someone? Everyone
around you starts looking like them"
-Andie MacDowell's character in Multiplicity
"If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom
and Gomorrah and apology."
-Jay Leno
"Love is Chemistry
Sex is Physics"
-Anonymous
The meaning of being single
Stay
Intoxicated
Nightly
Get
Laid
Everyday
-Jeff Foxworthy
"Flies spread disease...
So keep yours zipped"
-button
"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me?"
-Marilyn Pittman
"I enjoy sex, but I am not willing to die for it"
-Ansell Corporation Condom advertisement (1986)
"But mark you, Venus' joys must not be hurried, But softly coaxed
in dalliance influrried. The spot once found wherein 'tis woman's
joy To be caressed, caress it; ne'er be coy"
-Ovid (The Art of Love)
"i like my body when it is with your body. It is so quite new
a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine of your body and
its bones, and the trembling -firm- smooth ness and which i will
again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes over parting flesh...
And eyes big love-crumbs
and possibly i like the thrill
of you under me so quite new"
-e.e. cummings, Tulips & Chimneys
"It is necessary to be almost a genius to make a good husband"
-Honoré de Balzac
"Nothing is so fatal to a partnership as not understanding the other"
-Walter Dickers
"Getting a girlfriend is like buying a dishwasher: You'll never
need to do it by hand again"
-Anonymous
"You don't need a man to be a complete woman. Choose the man--
don't let him choose you. Be selective. No one has the power
to make you happier than the right man or more miserable than the wrong
one"
-Merriville, Indiana
"C'mon now; A man don't choose a woman; a woman chooses a man"
-L.L. Cool J ("Ain't Nobody")
"Life has taught us that love does not consist of gazing at
each other, but looking outward together in the same direction"
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new
boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her father."
-Robin Williams
"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we
should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to
leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be
severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you
a temp."
-Bob Ettinger
"I just broke up with someone and the last thing they said to me
was, 'You'll never find anyone like me again!' I'm thinking, 'I should
hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?'"
-Larry Miller
Lovka’s Dilemma
You never get away; you only get someplace else
"Sigh... Life is a highway
And I'm the one who's stuck being the designated driver"
-The Born Loser (comic strip)
"Life is like a dick
When it gets hard... fuck it!"
-Anonymous
Seary’s Law
Nothing ever comes out as planned
"If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."
-Law of Life's Highway
"Ninety percent of life is just showing up"
-Woody Allen
"An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience"
-Don Marquis
"Socrates, what will we do with your body after you die?
Socrates answered, 'I do not care what you do with my body.
I will not be there'"
"Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life"
-Sophia Loren
"Hell is full of good intentions or desires"
-St. Bernard of Clairvaux
"Imagination, not invention, is the supreme master of art as of life"
-Joseph Conrad
"You have to experience the pain before you can discover the truth"
-Amanda Vierra
"At first we want life to be romantic, later to be bearable, and
finally to be understandable"
-Louise Bogan
"I flee who chases me, and chase who flees me"
-Ovid (The Loves)
"You never can tell what's going to happen. That's about the
only thing you can say about life"
-Carolyn Morrisroe
"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?
I think that's how dogs spend their lives"
-Sue Murphy
"People are always afraid of what's different"
-"Cool Runnings"
"The thing about doing drugs is that you always know how you're going
to feel based on what you take. The straight life is too unpredictable"
-Matt Dillion's character in 'Drugstore Cowboy'
"I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just
by standing up really fast."
-Jonathan Katz
"I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout.
That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and go to my
sister's house and ask her for money."
-Kevin Meaney
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards the sunlight."
-Rita Rudner
"I'm half-Italian and half-Polish. So I'm always putting a
hit out on myself."
-Judy Tenuta
"I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice
on the pumpkin."
-Winston Spear
"I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific."
-Lily Tomlin
“That would be my message to the young players out there, male and
female. Don’t be afraid to work hard. Don’t worry about the
things you can’t control.”
-Manon Rheaume
Overin: One thing that I noticed about you, that you can comment
on or not. When you’re out there skating -- I’ve also noticed this about
Woolf, so perhaps it’s a San Jose Rhinos thing – you have your jersey tucked
into your pad on your hip.
Taylor: I just do it because I’m too small, and the shirts are
always too big. If I didn’t do it, the shirts would be down to me friggin’
ankle.
"They should call this guy [Mats Sundin] 'Thor.' He has terrific
skills and will be considered a true power forward once he uses his size
a little more to his advantage"
-Maple Leafs goal tender Felix Potvin
"In my personal opinion, Mats shows up every night. If he is
criticized for his effort, well, I would say that person doesn't know what
team sports is all about"
-Maple Leafs coach Nick Beverly
"The folks who are in Mats Sundin's corner are quick to defend the
smooth-as-silk Swede when his work ethic is questioned"
-NHLPA web site
"You always have to look at the positive side every time you get a fresh start," says Sundin. "Especially when you're the captain."
Jaromir Jagr before that doomed series against the Florida Panthers:
"I would rather play Florida because I get killed by the Flyers.
The Flyers target me. They're huge, they have that size, and they
come at me over and over again. And I like the weather in Florida
better"
"I kill them both"
-Andrei Nazarov
"Nazzy is a great guy. You know coming in that he plays hard.
Of course, he's going to ticks guys off. That's his job. I
respect him for that"
-Barry Potomski (on line mate Andrei Nazarov)
Flyers center Rod Brind'Amour after suffering his fourth broken nose:
"I was kind of hoping it would straighten it out. One of these
times it will"
Blues enforcer Tony Twist:
"I don't think. It hurts the team"
"Every boo on the road is a cheer"
-Red Wings coach Scotty Bowman
"If you don't have problems, you're in a cemetery"
-Dale Hawerchuk
"Theoren Fleury: Little men with tons of heart and few teeth
come and go in the NHL. Theo outlasts them because he's convinced
he's Eric Lindros, and there's no one big enough to convince him otherwise"
-ESPN
"Yeah, they're still doing that stupid Jaws thing, but the team stunk,
and seventeen thousand one-nine-oh packed the arena for every game
-Hockey Stars' #1: San Jose Sharks backers supportive through
thick and thin... mainly thin"
"There's always room for improvement in your game, nobody's perfect
here, so you can make yourself better and better every year."
Oleg Tverdovsky
Quinn, who has a 357-285-102 coaching record in the NHL, was quick to
caution that turning around the Leafs may take some time.
"There's no magic wand," he said today. "There's no one person or
player or coach who can make an organization better. It's all about team-building."
"Roses are red, violets are blue, they got ten, we only got two."
Gerry Cheevers
"Only a goalie can appreciate what a goalie goes through."
Jacques Plante
"My face IS my mask!"
Gump Worsley
"Oooooh! Hockey Boys! Where have you been all my life!"
Overheard comment of female spectator, the first time at a hockey game.
Matt Barnaby on his style: "If I'm not singing between face offs, taunting the fans, and having fun, I'll be out of the game."
Olie Kolzig on his up coming wedding: "If we win this thing, that Cup's going to be next to me at the alter. I hope the wife doesn't get too mad."
Coach Larry Robinson after visiting Jamie Storr at home told reporters he was attacked by Storr's 2 dogs (a basset hound and a golden lab). Later, the truth came out: "They're supposed to be his guard dogs. They nearly licked me to death."
Is there ever a place for moshing?
Sure. But I feel dancing, the way I define it, is physically is
reacting to music. I don't think that jumping on top of people's heads
during quiet Fugazi songs has anything to do with the music whatsoever.
I know it doesn't. It's just codified behavior and it's brought to you
by MTV.
-Ian Mackaye
"...and i know the feeling of pushing you, out of a building...tiny
people pulsating hit the sky, but still the ground got up and whacked your
face...you expected to fly..."
-John Frusciante (untitled 12)
"Where words fail, Music speaks"
-Hans Christian Anderson
"Can't you see, Can't you see... you are my hopes, my thoughts, my
wishes, and my dreams"
-Closer (by Remedy)
"The thing we're trying to do is strike a groove that defies all categories
and transcends all mortal ties"
Anthony Kiedis
"Man cannot be caged... Man is love and love is free"
-I Disagree-
"Ain't no rush, nothing compares to a cold, cold touch"
-Slow it Down-
"I want it real bad... Like something I never had"
-I Want It-
"I can't give what I take away"
-Lounge Fly-
"I wanna fuck, wanna fuck, but do you need me?"
-Lounge Fly-
"Promises of what I seemed to be"
-Interstate Love Song-
"Oh, I'd beg for you, Oh, you know I'd beg for you"
-Still Remains-
"Take a bath, I'll drink the water that you leave"
-Still Remains-
"If you should die before me-- ask if you can bring a friend"
-Still Remains-
"Life's a journey, not a destination"
-Aerosmith ("Amazing")
"Here we go again, infatuation
Touches me just when I thought that it would end"
-Going to Pasalacqua (by Greenday)
"I wanna fuck you like an animal
I wanna feel you from the inside
I wanna fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed"
-Closer (Nine Inch Nails)
"About the Author
Throughout the years the Red Hot Chili Peppers have roosted in the
hen house and wallowed in the pig sty"
-One Hot Minute
"Nothing can duplicate the sheer power and feeling you get from standing
in front of your amp and bashing on your guitar."
-James Hetfield
"Truly there would be reason to go mad were it not for music"
-Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in
another city.”
-George Burns
“You stick with your friends in time of need – whether it’s their
need or your need.”
-Anthony Kiedis
"I will not drag you along; I will not leave you alone; I will stand
by you and have my hand there for you to hold when you need to"
-Anonymous
"There will always be a place in everyone's hearts for each other.
It may be way over there in the cobwebs, but it is there"
-Dale Godboldo
"People say true friends must always hold hands, but true friends
don't need to hold hands because they know the other hand will always be
there."
-unknown
"You stick with your friends in time of need - whether it's their
need or your need."
-Anthony Kiedis
"Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
'Pooh!' he whispered.
'Yes, Piglet?'
'Nothing,' said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw.
'I just wanted to be sure of you.'"
"In case you are worried about what's going to become of the younger
generation, it's going to grow up and start worrying about the younger
generation"
-Roger Allen
The Magic of Believing:
"I'm not old enough to play baseball or football. I'm not eight
yet. My mom told me when you start baseball, you aren't going to
be able to run that fast because you had an operation. i told Mom
I wouldn't need to run that fast. When I play baseball, I'll just
hit them out of the park. Then I'll be able to walk."
-Edward K. McGrath
"Kids aren't lumps of clay to be molded; they have their own appetites
and their own agendas, and you've gotta respect and support their growth
as individuals and let 'em gravitate toward what moves them"
-Jackson Griffith
"You spend the first 12 years of their lives worried to death
someone will harm them; you spend the next six years wanting to kill them
yourself"
-Turning Gray in Chandler, AZ.
Despite what Charles Barkley says, we are role models and kids look up to us," said the Flames forward (Theo Fleury). "And I enjoy it a lot. The kids keep your enthusiasm level up. There are so many parents out there putting pressure on their kids to play in the National Hockey League. So we focus on fun, because then the kids learn more out of the school. They're going to improve."
"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At
least they can find Kuwait."
-A. Whitney Brown
"Never before did I realize that mental illness could have the aspect
of power, power. Think of it: perhaps the more insane
a man is, the more powerful he could become. Hitler an example.
Fair makes the old brain real, doesn't it? Food for thought there"
-Harding ("one flew over the cuckoo's nest")
"...one flew east, one flew west, One flew over the cuckoo's nest"
-children's folk rhyme
"Use your mind or else it will be sucked out of your ears"
-Scott Weiland
"Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind,
it doesn't matter"
-tv commercial
"Research is what I am doing when I don't know what I'm doing"
-Werner Von Braun
"What is now proved, was once imagined"
-William Blake
"When you stop to think... don't forget to start up again"
-Anonymous
Parson's Law of Passports
No one is as ugly as their passport photo.
Lovka's Law of Driving
There is no traffic until you need to make a left turn.
"A lady came up to me on the street and pointed to my suede jacket.
'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered.
I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses.
Now I'll have to kill you too.'"
-J. Johansen
"I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget."
-Michael McShane
"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet
soup?"
-Jon Mendoza
"Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery.
Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat
pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is it pigs
trying to outsmart everybody?"
-Jon Stewart
"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly
in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What's the logic?
Do tall people burn slower?"
-Warren Hutcherson
"The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why
advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in."
-Yakov Smirnoff
"The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without
a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them.
Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not
much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. 'Come
on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's
got a spoon. Back off. I've got three clippers here.'"
-Jerry Seinfeld
"Why does Sea World have a restaurant? halfway through my fish
burger I realize, Oh my God...I could be eating a slow learner."
-Lynda Montgomery
"If God dropped acid, would he see people?"
-Steven Wright
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
-Paul Rodriguez
"Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but
when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?"
-Lily Tomlin
"All that see or seem Is but a dream within a dream"
-Edgar Allen Poe
"But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams
under your feet;
Tread softly, for you tread on my dreams"
-William Butler Yeats
"Everyone's throwin' their dreams into you. You gotta throw
your dreams into you"
-"Hoop Dreams"
"Go for the moon. If you don't get it, you'll still be heading
for a star"
-F.D. Roosevelt
"I don't sleep I dream"
-REM
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams"
-Eleanor Roosevelt
"Having dreams is what makes life tolerable"
-'Pete' (from the movie Rudy)
"Pressed into service means pressed out of shape."
-Robert Frost
Baker’s Law
You never want the one you can afford
Clacker’s Elevator Observation
The elevator never comes on the first press of the call button
Corollary
The more people who make a first press on the call button, the longer
the elevator is delayed
"If at first you don't succeed, you're doing it wrong"
-Bazooka Joe & company
"The gods will not do for man what man can do for himself"
-the god Poseidon in
The Odyssey
Conroy’s Bureaucratic Contact
A new procedure explained in two pages leads to a clarification and
application statement that takes five
Felson’s Law
To steal from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research
Law of Procrastination
If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get it done
Law of Highway Construction
The most heavily traveled streets spend the most time under construction
Orba’s Laundry Paradox
Dark laundry creates white lint
Walter’s Law
If you have the time, you won’t have the money; if you have the money,
you won’t have the time
Keller’s Constant
Any flattering photo of yourself will, at some point, elicit a comment
that the photo looks nothing like you
Murphy’s Law
If anything can go wrong, it will
The Fame and Fortune Axiom
Competence is not a prerequisite for success
"Do or don't do... there is no try"
-Yoda (The Empire Strikes Back)
"Anything less than a penny is not worth two cents"
-'Uncle Scrooge' (Ducktales)
"Everything ends badly or else it wouldn't wouldn't end"
-Tom Cruise's character in 'Cocktail'
"Hit reality or we'll do it for you"
-Jennifer Sebastian
"Do not follow where the path may lead...
Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail"
-Anonymous
"Every picture tells a lie"
-bumper sticker
"Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed"
-Benjamin Franklin
"Fill what's empty... empty what's full... and scratch where it itches"
-Alice Roosevelt
"The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing"
-Tony Lucca
"You can't go back and change what has already happened"
-Rhona Bennett
"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They
always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go.
I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her."
-Ellen DeGeneres
"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."
-Dick Cavett
"A study in the Washinton Post says that women have better verbal
skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study:
Duh!"
-Conan O'Brian
"I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to
use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That
may be, but I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals.
We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners."
-Jeff Stilson
"USA Today has come up with a new survey: Apparently three
out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."
-David Letterman
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans
is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three
best friends. If they are okay, then it's you."
-Rita Mae Brown
"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I
lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands
there picking the locks, they are always locking three."
-Elayne Boosler
"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but
to accept God's final word on where your lips end."
-Jerry Seinfeld
"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
"I, myself, have never been able to find out precisely what feminism
is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments
that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute"
-Rebecca West, 1913