Flying Sheep and Thier Effect on Modern Civilization

(Curtain opens. Two men sitting on stage, host and Professor Lobroski.)

Host:Hello and welcome to this week's episode of "Eye on the World". Today, our guest is Professor Lobroski, the world's foremost expert in the field of flying sheep. Now, Professor Lobroski...

Professor Lobroski:Please, call me by my first name.

Host:And what is your real name?

Professor Lobroski:Nancy.

(Host snickers into his hand.)

Professor Lobroski:What's so funny?

Host:It's just that in this country, Nancy is a girly name.

Professor Lobroski:So? My name is Nancy. There's nothing wrong with that. Why, in the quaint little village that I grew up in, all the boys were named Nancy. Well, practicly all the boys, {Trailing off}most of the boys, some of the boys, afew of the boys, a handful of us, okay I was only one.

Host:Well, back to the subject at hand. You're the leading expert in the field of flying sheep, is that right?

Professor Lobroski:Yes.

Host:And how exactly does one get into the field of studying flying sheep?

Professor Lobroski:Well, when I was a teenager growing up in Poland, whenever my friends and I got drunk, which was practicly every night, we would round up all the sheep we could find, carry them to the top of the church steeples, and we would throw them off, hoping they would fly.

Host:And did any of them actually fly away?

Professor Lobroski:Well, that's difficult to say. After all, it was usually a dark night, and we were all drunk as lords, but we could have sworn that on several occasions the sheep did fly away. However, it just could have been a cloud.

Host:Ahh, I see. Well, how about the other sheep, the ones that didn't fly?

Professor Lobroski:Well, all sheep can fly to a certain extent. However, the most common breed of flying sheep tend to fly straight at the ground, at unhealthy speeds, and upon contact, they splatter. Let me tell you, cleaning up the morning after we experimented was less then fun.

Host:Ahh, I see. And have you given this type of flight a name?

Professor Lobroski:Yes, we call it plummeting.

Host:Ahh, I see.

Professor Lobroski:After those first rather crude experiments, I went on to get my Bachelors Degree in sheep aerodynamics, at Saint Augustine's Clown College and Univerisity of Advanced Finance.

Host:Ahh, I see.

Professor Lobroski:Then I bought my current research facility, and began to study the actual feasibility of flying sheep.

Host:And what exactly is the feasiblity of flying sheep?

Professor Lobroski:Well, after many long months of wind tunnel experiments, we found that under the correct laborotory conditions, sheep were actually quite aerodynamic. Comparable to most birds.

Host:Ahh, I see.

Professor Lobroski:From there, we moved on to faze two of our research. That was to breed sheep for desirable traits that would help them fly.

Host:Ahh, I see.

Professor Lobroski:Yes. Well, after several years of selective breeding, we mananged to breed an entire generation of sheep that could fly for extended periods of time.

Host:Ahh, I see.

Professor Lobroski:In fact, we brought afew of them to your studio to show you.

Host:Ahh, I see.

Professor Lobroski:Assistant, can you please bring out the sheep.

(Assistant comes out on stage)

Assisttant:Ummm, I can't.

Professor Lobroski:Why not?

Assistant:Because they flew away.

(Professor Lobroski and host look at each other)

Professor Lobroksi:Well, I guess we have no real reason to be here then.

Host:Ahh, I see

Professor Lobroski:Oh shutup.

(Both of them get up and leave.)