The Staring Contest
Announcer:Hello and welcome to the Olympic staring competition. Just minutes ago, we wrapped up the feather-weights, and we are now ready for the heavy weights. Well, now entering the ring is the Polish competitor, Ivan "The Polish Jackhammer" Kowalski, and his opponent, the Brit, Jonathan Trewern.
(Ivan and Jonathan enter and seat themselves at a table set up in the middle of the stage. Referee enters, begins to talk to Ivan and Jonathan.)
Announcer:Well, the referee is laying out the rules for them, and in a minute or two, we'll be starting here.
(Ref stops talking and leaves stage.)
Announcer:Okay, the rules have been run over, and now they're just warming up for the match. Ivan's flexing those well developed octacal muscles of his. That usually gets the crowd excited.
(Single, unenthusiastic "Yea" from the crowd.)
Announcer:Yes, the crowd is really getting into this.
(Bell rings.)
Announcer:And there's the bell.
(Ivan and Jonathan begin to glare at each other.)
Announcer:Ivan coming out strong. Yes, they don't call him the Polish Jackhammer for nothing. Look at the way he is hammering Jonathan with his gaze. Yes, unless he does something quick, Trewern will loose this one within the first minute.
(Pause)
Announcer:But wait, it appears that Trewern has regained his composure. He is staring back at Ivan with determined intensity. Kowalski seems unsure of himself. I think Trewern has Kowalski on the ropes. One quick move here and the match could be over.
(Pause)
Announcer:Stunning reverse by Kowalski. That is what makes him one of the best starer in the world. He takes what seems to be a match-ending offensive stare by Trewern, and counters it with sheer power. Now it is Kowalski that has the upper hand.
(Pause)
Announcer:Kowalski is no longer fooling around. He has Trewern on the run, and intends to keep him there.(In a more urgent tone.) Wait, Trewern is wavering, he can't keep up this match any longer, and...it's done! Ivan Kowalski has beaten Jonathan Trewern!
(Referee comes out and holds up Ivan's arm in victory.)
Announcer:Let's see if we can get in a word with Ivan.
(Announcer gets up and begins to walk over to Ivan, who is also getting up.)
Announcer:Excuse me Ivan, can we have your thoughts on the fight?
Ivan:Certainly. Well, first off let me say that Jonathan Trewern is an excellent starer, and it was a great suprise to me that I beat him. I started out good, with an offensive stare, but I over-extended myself, and I barely recovered when he countered me. After that, I think I just managed to outlast him.
(Ivan begins to walk off stage. Announcer turns to audience.)
Anouncer:Well, that's all for now. Join us again tomorrow when Ivan Kowalski goes up against his Mexican counterpart, Padro Cortez.