These people have way to much time on there hands
although I just might make my answering machine message just as creative.
Hope you enjoy!
1. You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very
sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to
resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled
to leave your name, number, and a message.
2. This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what
and we'll get back you-know-when.
3. Thanks for calling Dial-An-Asshole. Right now, all our assholes are
busy. After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll have an asshole
return your call as soon as possible.
4. I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name
and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person.
5. HI. If you are a burglar, checking to see if anyone is home, then
we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to
the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave
us a message.
6. I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come
to the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message,
but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for
you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it...I mean, like,
wait, gosh. This is so confusing.
7. Hi, I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message,
and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
8. Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We
know how you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please
hang up.
9. "Hi. Now you say something."
10. "Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you
can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep."
11. You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on
and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We
aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple
and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer
through another long answering machine message when you call me...
12. You have reached 934-2435. We picked this machine up at a garage
sale in "as-is" condition. You can try to leave a message on it, but we
are not sure it will be recorded. If we don't return your call, it means
the machine did not work.
13. Hi! Jan's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.
Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one
of these magnets.
14. Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages.
My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets
are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their
picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and
they will get back to you.
15. Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your
name and number, I'll be right with you.
16. I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel
stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could
help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.
17. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement
printing up a fresh new batch of twenty dollar bills. If you need any money,
or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name,
number, and how much cash you need after the tone.
18. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave
me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
19. Hi. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start talking
and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise,
well, what can I say?
20. This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine. Please leave your name
and number, and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate
you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the FBI.
21. You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice
patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once
this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice
for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge
for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists
will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of
our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak
clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.
22. Hello, this is Susan. I don't live here, so if you were trying to
call me, you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were
trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at
the tone. I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back -- only
that I won't.
23. Hi, This is Mike. Please leave a message as soon as possible and
I'll get back to you at the sound of the tone.
24. We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate
your phone 90 degrees and try again.
25. I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name
and number, I'll call you back when I am...
26. HI! Leave me a message and tell me what I can do to... I mean, do
FOR you.
In order to send this to ICQ
users:
1. click on the name of the
person you want to send this to.
2.click on URL.
3.click on SEND.
If you want to send via email just copy and paste either the link or the messahe, I don't mind either way.