Between Dakotah and Paige, I had three miscarriages.

It was the most difficult time in my life, my tiny
babies slipping away from me for unexplained reasons, making me ache so badly to hold them, to tell them I loved them.

One of the hardest things is that there is nothing to show that my babies ever existed. Most times, it seems that I'm the only one who remembers. No one sends flowers or cards or acknowledges what is a very real loss when you miscarry a baby.

Instead, there are words that are sometimes more painful than the actual miscarriage.

"It was for the best."
"You can always try again."
"Be glad for the child you do have."
"God wanted it this way."

The truth is, I find no comfort in thinking that this was the 'best' that could happen to me or my babies.

My babies were all chromosomally normal; I never discovered what caused me to miscarry repeatedly.

I remember how excited I was each time I got a positive pregnancy test.

I remember wondering if it was a girl or a boy, pouring over baby name books, putting my hand on my belly excitedly.

I held one of my tiny, tiny babies in my hand--my perfect little son. I would have given anything to keep you warm that night, my love.

For my babies for their sweet souls
with love,
Mom

Just Those Few Weeks

For those few weeks - I had you to myself.

And that seems too short a time to be changed so profoundly.

In those few weeks - I came to know you...and to love you. You came to trust me with your life, Oh, what a life I had planned for you!

Just those few weeks - when I lost you,
I lost a lifetime of hopes, plans dreams and aspirations, a slice of my future simply vanished overnight.

Just those few weeks - it wasn't enough time to convince others how special and important you were.

How odd, a truly unique person has recently died and no one is mourning the passing.

Just a mere few weeks - and no "normal" person would cry all night over a tiny, unfinished baby, or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.

No one would, so why am I?

You were just those few weeks my little one. You darted in and out of my life too quickly.

But it seems that's all the time you needed to make my life so much richer and give me a small glimpse of eternity.

--Author Unknown

I'll see you someday, my sweet babies...

November 12th, 1994 -- 11 weeks

June 11th, 1995 -- 10 weeks

December 18th, 1995 -- 14.5 weeks--my beautiful baby boy

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