One day a man went to his doctor, and the doctor said, "I have some good news and some bad news for you. The bad news is that you need a full brain transplant." "That's awful," said the man, "what's the good news?" "The good news it that, unfortunately a young couple was just killed. You can take the man or the woman's brain, but either way you'll make a full recovery," said the doctor. "How much is this going to cost?" asked the man. "Well," said the doctor, "if you want the man's brain it's $5000, and if you want the woman's brain, it's $2500." "Why does the woman's brain cost less?" asked the man. "Because the woman's brain has been used," replied the doctor.

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist that was speeding down Main Street.
"But Officer," the man began, "I can explain!"
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say..."
"And keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later, the officer looked at his prisoner and said. "Lucky for you, the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom!"

One day, a teacher, a garbage colector and a lawyer all die and go up to heaven.
St. Peter is there and he was having a bad day since heaven was getting crowded. When they got to the gate, St. Peter told them that there will be a test to get into heaven: they will each have to answer a single question.
To the teacher, he says, "What is the name of the ship that hit an iceberg and sank with most of its passengers?
The teacher replies: "that would have to be the Titanic, right?" St. Peter lets him through the gate.
Next, St. Peter turns to the garbage man, and figuring that heaven doesn't really need all the stink this guy would bring into heaven, decides to make the question a bit harder: "How many people died on the ship?"
The garbage man guesses right, and St. Peter lets him in.
St. Peter then turns to the lawyer: "Name Them."

Little Johnny was sitting in Sunday School on Easter. His teacher said the lesson was on the 'meaning of Easter' and asked the class if anyone could tell the Easter story. No one volunteered to speak so she called on Frank.
"Umm, I don't think I know," Frank said. The teacher told him it was okay and she moved on to Betty.
"I don't know how to tell it," she replied. Johnny finally decided to raise his hand and tell the story. The teacher was surprised because Johnny was usually the class clown.
"On Easter, Jesus and his disciples were eating the Jewish passover at the last supper, but later, Jesus was deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his diciples. He was accused of teaching the Messiah and when he confessed it, the Romans made him wear a crown of thorns, took him to be crucified, where he was hung on a cross with nails through his hand and feet. He said 'it is finished' which means 'debt paid in full' and died. He was buried in a nearby cave on Friday which was sealed off with a large boulder."
The teacher was almost speachless, and excitedly she said, "Very good Johnny! Now what else happens when we celebrated easter?"
Johnny put a sly grin on hasd face and continued, "Every year on Easter Sunday, we move the boulder asideso that Jesus can come out and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter....!"

What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One's a bottom feeding scum sucker and the other is a fish!

Jesus and Satan have an arguement as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they decide to hold a contest with God as the judge.
They sit before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming across the screen for hours straight.
Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with.
Satan is upset and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, says God, "let us see if Jesus faired any better."
Jesus enters a command and the screen comes to life in vivid colour with voices of an angelic choir coming forth from the speakers.
Satan is astonished. He stutters, "B-b-but how?! I lost everything, but Jesus' program is still intact! How did he do it?"
God chuckles and says, "Everyone Knows... Jesus saves."

President Clinton was visiting a grade school the other day and sat in on an English class. To participate in the class, he asked for someone to give him an example of a tragedy. A little girl named Peggy held up her hand timidly and said, "If my friend was walking across the street and a car ran over her... well, that would be a tragedy!" "Well, thank you for trying," Clinton said. "That would be what we would call an accident, but not a tragedy. Can anybody else give mean example?" A little boy named Timmy said, "If the school bus was full of kids anda truck hit it and killed all the kids that would be a tragedy." "Well, that would be what we call a great loss, but it doesn't quite make the tragic category," the President replied. About this time little Johnny held up his hand. "Oh. Oh. I know, I know..." Johnny started. "If you and the Vice president and all the senators and all the congressmen were having a meeting, and a bomb blew everybody up that would be a tragedy. "That's right!" the President exclaimed. How did you figure that out?" "Well," said Johnny, "it wouldn't be an accident and it sure wouldn't be a great loss!"

Y2K Bug

January 1, 2000

Dear Valued Employee:
Re: Vacation Pay

Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over the past 100 year(s). As I'm sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off. One additional week is granted for every 5 years of service. Please either take 9,400 days off work or notify our office and your next pay check will reflect payment of $8,277,432.22 which will include all pay and interest for the past 1,200 months.
Sincerely,

Automated Payroll Processing

A man passed away and went to Heaven. Upon arriving at the pearlygates, St Peter said, "Come on in. I'll show you around. I really think you will like it here."
Walking through the gates, the man noticed that there were clocks everywhere. It appeared that Heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse. Surprised at how Heaven looked, the man asked St. Peter, "What's the deal with all the clocks ?" St. Peter replied. "They keep track of everybody on earth. There is one clock for each person. Every time someone tells a lie, his clock moves forward one minute. For instance, this clock belongs to Sam, a used car salesman. If you watch it closely, it will move any second." Click, The minute hand on Sam's clock moved forward one minute. Click, it moved forward another minute. "Sam must be closing on a deal right now, "said St. Peter. "The minute hand on his clock moves all day long.
The man and St Peter continued walking and soon came across a clock covered with cobwebs, "Whose clock is this ?" asked the man. "That clock belongs to the widow Mary. She is one of the nicest people on earth. I bet her clock hasn't moved in a year or two."
They continued walking and touring Heaven. The man enjoyed watching the clocks of all his friends. When the tour was finally finished, the man said, "I've seen everyone's clock but one, Where is President Clinton's kept?"
St. Peter smiled and said, "Look up there. We use his for a ceiling fan."

Two small boys were overheard talking at the zoo one day.
"My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Tommy," replied the second.
"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy.
Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Billy.
"No, just the regular kind," replied Tommy.

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

Three Canadians, a Newfie, a Quebecer and an Albertan are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern. The Newfie rubs it and a genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total", says the Genie. The Newfie says, "I am a fisherman, my dad's a fisherman, his dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM', the oceans were teaming with fish. The Quebecer was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Quebec, so that nothing will get in for all eternity." Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, 'POOF', there was a huge wall around Quebec. The Albertan asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out." The Albertan says, "Well, if that's the case, fill it up with water."

Two girls boarded a crowded bus and one of them whispered to the other, "Watch me embarrass a man into giving me his seat."
Pushing her way through the crowd, she turned all her charms upon a gentleman who looked like he might embarrass easily. "My dear Mr. Wilson," she gushed, "Fancy meeting you on the bus. Am I glad to see you. Why, you're almost a stranger. My, but I'm tired."
The sedate gentleman looked up at the girl. He had never seen her before, but he rose and said pleasantly, "Sit down, Mary my girl. It isn't often I see you on washday. No wonder you're tired. Being pregnant isn't easy. By the way, don't deliver the wash until Thursday. My wife is going to the District Attorney's office to see whether she can get your husband out of jail."

Salesman: This machine will cut your work in half!
Customer: Great! I'll take two!

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a campingtrip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down in their tent for the night, and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned.
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, Someone has stolen our tent."

A transcript of an actual radio communication between a Canadian and an American. It goes something like this:
Canadian to an American ship: Please divert your course 15-degrees south to avoid a collision.
American: Please divert YOUR course 15-degrees to the north to avoid a collision.
Canadian: Negative. We recommend you divert your course 15-degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
American: This is the captain of a US aircraft carrier. WE recommend YOU divert YOUR course 15-degrees to the north to avoid a collision!
Canadian: Well, this is a Canadian! Please divert your course 15-degrees to the south to avoid a collision!
American: This is the USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the US fleet. We are in convoy with 4 destroyers, 3 assault boats and 2 other aircraft carriers. We ORDER you to divert YOUR course 15-degrees to the north, or we will be forced to use countermeasure against you!!!!!!
Canadian: This is a light-house, but it's your call.

An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her Husband's sex drive. 'What about trying Viagra?' asks the doctor. 'Not a chance' says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."
'No problem,' replies the doctor. 'Drop it into his coffee, he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on.'
A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as to how things went.
'Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor.'
'What happened?' asks the doctor.
'Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible.'
'What was terrible?' said the doctor, 'was the sex not good?'
"Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years, but I'll never be able to show my face in McDonald's again."

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the First button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face.
Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well. "I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"
A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the Yank's revenge. They begin talking and Bush presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.
"Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!"
Dubya says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 Years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied,"My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!!!

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl name Katie has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I am not an American." "Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?" "I'm a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Katie why she is a Canadian. "Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too." The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?" A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Katie, "I'd be an American."

Heaven is where the the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian, the police are British and it's all organized by the Swiss. Hell is where the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, the police are German, the cooks are British and it's all organized by the Italians.

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now, class, I won't tolerate any excuses for your not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack, or a serious personal injury or illness or a sudden death in your immediate family - but that's it, No other excuses whatsoever."
A smart-ass guy at the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and horrible case of sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head , and sweetly says: "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them $50.00.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare!"

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. Inasmuch as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.
She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had.
He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to!"

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafé". Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafé jar. It said: "Good till the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson&Hedges" Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson&Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size" She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: "British Airways". Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for the airline. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways." Mom fainted.

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
"Look Michael, look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large land mass the top corner and asked, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. There's beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coast-line. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed. "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm putting next to them."

What do you call someone who speaks three languages?
"Multilingual".

What do you call someone who speaks two languages?
"Bilingual".

What do you call someone who speaks one language?
"An American".

An American was telling one of his favorite jokes to a group of friends. "Hell is a place where the cooks are British, the waiters are French, the policemen are Germans, and the trains are run by Italians."
The lone European in the group pondered all this for a second and responded, "I can't say about the police and the trains, but you're probably right about going out to eat. A restaurant in Hell would be one where the cooks are British and the waiters are French - and the customers are all Americans."

A Canadian couple was strolling through a park in London and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton. The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said "Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians".
"Indeed we are", replied the Canadian gentleman.
"I hope you won't mind my asking," said the Brit, "but what do the two red bars on your flag represent?"
"Well," replied the Canadian gentlman, "one of the bars stands for the courage and hardiness of our people in settling the cold expanses and broad prairies of our country. The other is for the honesty and integrity for which Canadians are known."
The Brit mulled this over and nodded. Having poor eyesight at his advanced age, and not being familiar with maple leaves, he then asked, "And what's that six-pointed item in the middle of your flag?"
"Oh, that's to remind us of the six words of our national motto," the Canadian lady piped up.
The Brit asked, "And what are those six words?"
The Canadian smiled and replied, "They are 'Don't blame us - we're not Americans.'

Q: What's the difference between an American and an American bomb?
A: The bomb is smart enough to know where to find Iraq

An American attending a formal ceremony in Britain listens as the formalities end with the singing of "God Save the Queen". As a reception begins afterwards, he strolls up to one of his British acquaintances and accosts her with a musical observation.
"That was a very nice song you folks just sang, but it wasn't very inventive of you to use that particular tune."
The Brit looks at him quizically and asks. "What do you mean? That's always been "God Save the Queen."
"Well," the American replied, "I guess you Brits don't even realize how much you owe us Americans. The words were new, but that tune was clearly plagiarized from our "My Country, 'Tis of Thee".

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOB! He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY! Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph. BULLS-EYE! "I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl for the first time in their history. The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!" "I don't want to talk to you," the old woman says. "You deserted us. You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighbourhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit!"

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. For his first chapter he decided to write about American churches. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando. Thinking that he would work his way across the country from South to North.
On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call". The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.
The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.
He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby priest what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. "O.K., thank you," said the American.
He then traveled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston, and New York. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it. The American, upon leaving Vermont saw a sign for Canada and decided to see if Canadians had the same phone.
He arrived in Edmonton, and again, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read " 25 cents per call."
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Father, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in every state the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?"
The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Canada now, son; it's a local call".

You know the world's gone mad when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the USA of arrogance and the Germans don't want to go to war!