Top Ten Reasons there won't be a Chinese President Anytime Soon

10.  White House not big enough for in-laws
9.   Engineering, medicine, and law always preferred over politics
8.   Oval Office has bad feng shui (literally means 'wind water')
7.   Can't find decent roast duck inside the beltway
6.   Secret service can't handle nagging from mother
5.   Dignitaries generally intimidated by chopsticks at state dinners
4.   No chance for promotion
3.   Lactose intolerance not considered politically correct
2.   Senior aides won't take off shoes before coming in
1.   Air Force One: No frequent flyer miles
 

Top Ten Pick Up Lines Used by Asian Men

10.  I may look like a nerd but it's only a disguise.
9.   I carry this beeper not to feel important but so my mom knows where I am.  I carry this phone to call her back.
8.   Uhhhh, no, I didn't play football in high school but I did letter in varsity volleyball, badminton, and tennis.
7.   Has anyone ever told you you look like Chun Li? You know, that chic from Street Fighter 2.(hey.i honestly got this several times b4!~~mayling) =Þ
6.   What do I do? Gee, I thought you would never ask.  Y'see, I'm finishing my first year of residency in internal medicine.
5.   Yeah, (sniff) I cried during "Joy Luck Club."
4.   Do I cook? Well, not really but I can whip up a pretty mean fried rice!
3.   You know what? It's strange, but I get mistaken for a white guy all the time!
2.   Hey baby, wanna ride in my 16-valve, twin-cam lowered Acura Integra with BBS gold-spiked rims and a subwoofered stereo that'll leave you breathless?
1.   My eyes may seem small but I've got a HUGE personality
 

How to be the Perfect Asian American Parent
(from the second generation perspective)

1.   Be a little more lenient on the 7:00 p.m. curfew.
2.   Don't ask where the other point went when your child comes home with 99 percent grade on his/her report card.
3.   Don't "ai-yah" loudly at your kid's dress habits.
4.   Don't blatantly hint about the merits of Habadu (Harvard),Yeil(Yale), or Purinsuton (Princeton).
5.   Don't reveal all the intimate details of your kid's life to the entire Asian community.
6.   Don't ask your child, "What are you going to do with your life?" if he/she majors in a non-science field.
7.   Don't give your son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres of bangs.
8.   Don't try to set your kid up on a date in anticipation of their poor taste or inept social skills.
9.   Incorporate other phrases besides, "Did you study yet?" into your daily conversations with your child.
10.  Don't ask all your kid's friends over the age of 21 if  they  have a boy/girlfriend yet(or don't expect your child to abstain from a normal social life or even attempt from having a LIFE outside of studying, studying, and studying).
11.  And yes, one day your child will be OLD ENOUGH and should be allowed to have a boyfriend/girlfriend; it's hard to find a date when you're 45.(also see #1 again).
 

How to be a Perfect Asian Kid
(from the first generation perspective)

1.   Score a perfect 1600 on the SAT.
2.   Play the violin or piano on the level of a concert performer.
3.   Apply to and be accepted by 27 colleges.
4.   Go to a prestigious Ivy League university and win enough scholarship money to pay for it.
5.   Have four hobbies: studying, studying,  violin/piano, and studying.
6.   Love classical music and detest talking on the telephone.
7.   Become a Westinghouse, Presidential and eventually a Rhodes Scholar.
8.   Aspire to be a brain surgeon.
9.   Avoid teenage sex.
10.  Love to hear stories about your parents' childhood...especially the one about walking 20 miles to school without shoes.(hey...i've heard that story b4! heehee~~mayling)
 

YOU KNOW YOU ARE JAPANESE IF...

1.  You're obsessed with you hair, your car, and your clothes
2.  You want to marry a Korean American or Chinese American woman (males); or you want to marry a white guy (females).
3.  You're afraid of black people.(i don't agree w/ #3)
4.  You know you are superior to all other Asians.
 

YOU KNOW YOU ARE KOREAN IF...

1.  You smoke and drink too much.
2.  You're actually sorry that Margaret Cho's sitcom was canceled.
3.  You're afraid of black people.(i don't agree w/ #3)
4.  You know you are superior to all other Asians.
 

YOU KNOW YOU ARE CHINESE IF...

1.  You think you're the smartest people in the world.
2.  You have a pager and cellular phone with you at all times.
3.  Today's steamed rice is tomorrow's fried rice.
4.  You're afraid of black people.(i don't agree w/ #3)
5.  You know you are superior to all other Asians.
 

YOU KNOW YOU ARE CAMBODIAN IF...

1.  You own, have relative who owns, or know someone who owns a DONUTSHOP!!!
2.  You have a life time job at a donut shop.
3.  You still work at a donut shop on weekends even if you have a full time job outside.
4.  You HATE Donuts!!
5.  You can't live without steamed rice.
6.  You want other Asians to stop meddling in your country.
 

YOU KNOW YOU ARE VIETNAMESE IF...

1.  You've gotta have fish sauce with every meal.
2.  You eat at a restaurant that has "Pho."
3.  You have some relative who is Chinese.
4.  You're afraid of black people.(i don't agree w/ #3)
5.  You know you are superior to all other Asians.
 

YOU KNOW YOU ARE FILIPINO IF...
1.  You want to be a dancer, a singer, or an actor, even though you have a day job as a nurse, a security guard, or an accountant.
2.  A member of your family back home is a politician or a movie star.
3.  You're not afraid of black people.
4.  You don't care if you are superior to all other Asians or not, because being Filipino is just cool in itself.
 

YOU KNOW YOU ARE THAI IF...

1.  No matter what you eat, it's not greasy or spicy enough.
2.  You're not afraid of black people, because in some cases you're just as dark as they are.
3.  You know in your heart that you will never be superior to all other Asians, but you've learned to live with it.
 

 The Asian version of the song "Barbie Girl" (i think this is kinda funny and true..heehee)

*****************************************************

Hi ya lang niu!
Hi lang jai!
Want to ride in my Honda?
Sure lang jai!
Jump in!

* I'm a Chinese girl, in a Chinese world,
   Eating wonton, it's perfection.
   I have light brown hair, Sanrio everywhere,
   Frustration, in my generation.

 Come on dd, let's go drink bubble tea.

I'm a Chinese girl, in a Chinese world
Playing  Majhong, nothing is wrong.
I have tons of flares, tight shirts everywhere,
Looking cocky, just can't stop me.

I'm Chinese, Asian girl, in a white-people world
Egg foo young, just for fun, I do laundry.

You're so tall, Chinese doll, eat some jook and
chow mein, No FOBS here, egg rolls there, fortune cookie.
Eat cha siu, eat bok choy, you can say I love Sam's club.

Repeat *

Come on dd, let's go drink tea.
Ai ai ai yah.
Come on dd, let's go drink tea.
Ooh ooh

Make me cook, make me clean, do whatever is mean
I can do some kung-fu, I have loads of bamboo.

Come jump in, let's play pool, cruise around just again,
Look and stare, dye your hair, rent some movies.

Gung jai mein, I'm jook sing, I go to the library
Bot paw girls are so mean, you can say I grow string beans.

Repeat*

Oh, that guy, kui tai mut gwai?
Well lang niu, I'll use my martial arts.
Oh I love you lang jai!