1. Weed  
2. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges  
3. The local hero is a pot-smoking snowboarder  
4. The local wine doesn’t taste like malt vinegar  
5. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is 5 hours from downtown  
6. A university with a nude beach  
7. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations  
8. If a cop pulls you over, just offer them some of your hash  
9. There’s always some sort of deforestation protest going on  
10. Cannabis  

Top 10 Reasons To Live In Alberta   

1. Big Rock  
2. You can throw eggs at Preston Manning  
3. Tax is 7 percent instead of approx. 200 percent  
4. The Premier is a fat, wife-beating alcoholic with a grade 4 education  
5. Flames vs. Oilers  
6. Stamps vs. Eskies  
7. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of  
8. Eventually, it will be your town’s turn to ban VLT’s  
9. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups  
10. You can attempt to murder your rich oil tycoon husband and get away with it  

Top 10 Reasons To Live In Saskatchewan   

1. You never run out of wheat  
2. Those cool Saskatchewan Wheat Pool hats  
3. Cruise control takes on a whole new meaning  
4. Your province is really easy to draw  
5. You never have to worry about roll-back if you have a standard  
6. It takes you two weeks to walk to your neighbor’s house  
7. YOUR Roughriders survived  
8. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours  
9. People will assume you live on a farm  
10. Buying a huge John Deere mower makes sense  

Top 10 Reasons To Live In Manitoba   

1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly have beachfront property  
2. Amusing town names like “Flin Flon” and “Winnipeg”  
3. All your local bands make it big and move to Toronto  
4. The only province to ever violently rebel against the federal government  
5. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes  
6. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter  
7. You don’t need a car, just take the canoe to work  
8. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood  
9. Because of your license plate, you are still “friendly” even when you cut someone off  
10. Pass the time watching trucks and barns float by  

Top 10 Reasons To Live In Ontario   

1. You live in the center of the universe  
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump  
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election  
4. There’s no such thing as an Ontario Seperatist  
5. Your grandparents sold booze to the States during Prohibition  
6. Lots of tourists come to Toronto because they mistakenly believe it’s a cool city  
7. The only province with hard-core American-style crime  
8. MuchMusic’s Speaker’s Corner - rant and rave on national TV for a dollar  
9. Baseball fans park on your front lawn and pee on the side of your house  
10. Mike Harris: basically a sober Ralph Klein with an attitude  

Top 10 Reasons To Live In Quebec   

1. Everybody assumes you’re an asshole  
2. Racism is socially acceptable  
3. The only province to ever kidnap federal politicians  
4. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbor will move out next  
5. The FLQ  
6. Your hockey team is made up entirely of dirty French guys  
7. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada  
8. The province with the oldest, nastiest hookers  
9. NON-smokers are the outcasts  
10. You can blame all your problems on the “Anglo bastards”  

Top 10 Reasons To Live In New Brunswick  

1. You are sandwiched between french assholes and drunken celtic fiddlers  
2. One way or another, the government gets 98 percent of your income  
3. You’re poor, but not as poor as the Newfies  
4. When listing the provinces, everyone forgets to mention yours  
5. The economy is based on fish, cows, and ferrying Ontario motorists to Boston  
6. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick  
7. You have French people, but they don’t want to kill you  
8. Everybody has a Grandfather who runs a lighthouse  
9. Just as charming as Maine, but with more unemployed fishermen  
10. You probably live in a small seaside cottage with no television  

Top 10 Reasons To Live In Nova Scotia  

1. The only place in North America to get bombed in the war...by a moron who set a munitions ship on fire  
2. Your province is shaped like male genitalia  
3. Everyone is a fiddle player  
4. If someone asks if you’re a Newfie, you are allowed to kick their ass  
5. The local hero is an insane, fiddle playing, sexual pervert  
6. The province that produced Rita MacNeil, the world’s largest land mammal  
7. You are the reason Anne Murray makes money  
8. You can pretend you have Scottish heritage as an excuse to wear a kilt  
9. The economy is based on fish, lobster, and fiddle music  
10. Even though it smells like dead sea animals, Halifax is considered Canada’s most beautiful city  

Top 10 Reasons To Live On Prince Edward Island   

1. Even though more people live on Vancouer Island, you still got the big-ass bridge  
2. You can walk across the province in half an hour  
3. You were probably once an extra on “Road to Avonlea”  
4. This is where all those tiny red potatoes come from  
5. The economy is based on fish, potatoes, and CBC TV shows  
6. Tourists arrive, see the “Ann of Green Gables” house, then promptly leave  
7. You can drive across the province in two minutes  
8. It doesn’t matter to you if Quebec separates  
9. You don’t share a border with the Americans, or with anyone for that matter  
10. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night  

Top 10 Reasons To Live In Newfoundland   

1. The poorest, stupidest, drunkinest province in Confederation  
2. If Quebec Separates, you will float off to sea  
3. In the rare case when someone moves to the Rock, you can make them kiss a dead cod  
4. The economy is based on fish, seafood, and fish-related products  
5. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse  
6. You understand the meaning of Great Big Sea’s lyrics  
7. The work day is about two hours long  
8. You are credited with many great inventions, like the solar-powered flashlight and the screen door for submarines  
9. If someone asks if you’re from Nova Scotia, you are allowed to kick their ass  
10. It is sociall acceptable to wear your hip waders on your wedding day  
  

REVIEW OF CANADIAN ACADEMIC PROGRAMS IN LIGHT BULB REPLACEMENT :   
  
How many U of T students does it take to change a light bulb?  Two  
 ... one to change the light bulb and one to crack under the pressure.  
  
 How many Queen's students does it take to change a light bulb?  One  
 ... he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.  
  
 How many Waterloo students does it take to change a light bulb?  Six  
 ... one to design a nuclear-powered bulb that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Waterloo using that nuked light bulb, two to install it and one to write the computer program that controls the wall switch.  
  
 How many UNB students does it take to change a light bulb?  None ... New  
 Brunswick doesn't have electricity.  
  
 How many UBC students does it take to change a light bulb?  Only one  
 ... but he gets six credits for it.  
  
 How many Laurentian students does it take to change a light bulb?  None  
 ... Sudbury looks better in the dark.  
  
 How many Ottawa students does it take to change a light bulb?  Trick  
 question ... Ottawa isn't a real university.  
  
 How many Western students does it to change a light bulb?  Five ... one  
 to change the light bulb and four to find the perfect J CREW outfit to wear for the occasion.  
  
 How many UNBC students does it take to change a light bulb?  None...who  
 gives a flying hoot if it's burned out anyway!  
  
 How many Carleton students does it take to change a light bulb?  Two  
 ... one to change the bulb and one to complain about how, if they were at a better school, the light bulb wouldn't go out.  
  
 How many Guelph students does it take to change a light bulb?  Seven  
 ... one to screw it in and six to figure out how to power it on manure.  
  
 How many University of Victoria students does it take to change a light  
 bulb?  None ... lava lamps never burn out man!  
  
 How many Simon Fraser University students does it take to change a light  
 bulb?  They wouldn't change it because that's just what the ruling class  
 bourgeois swine would want to see the impoverished student do...a  
 demonstration is definitly in order.  
  
 How many University of Alberta students does it take to change a light  
 bulb?  Five ... one to change it, one to protest for more funding, one  
 to picket for lower taxes, two to turn the event into a summer festival.  
  
 How many University of Lethbridge students does it take to change a  
 light bulb?  Four ... one to change it, one to complain about the  
 subterranean campus, and two to explain where Lethbridge is.  
  
 How many University of Calgary students does it take to change a light  
 bulb?  Two ... one to change it, one to drive the combine.  
  
 How many University of Saskatoon students does it take to change a light  
 bulb?  One ... but he has to wait until after harvest.  
  
 How many University of Manitoba students does it take to change a light  
 bulb?  There's a university in Manitoba?  

In light of today's weather ...(for those Vancouver peeps like me) ^__^ heehee 
 ---------- 
What do you call two straight days of rain in Vancouver? A weekend. 

What do you call two weeks of rain in Vancouver? Indian summer. 

What did the Vancouver native say to the Pillsbury Doughboy? 
"Nice tan." 

A newcomer to Vancouver arrives on a rainy day. She gets up the next  
day and it's raining. It also rains the day after that, and the day after that. She goes out to lunch and sees a young kid and, out of despair,asks, "Hey, kid, does it ever stop raining around here?" The kid says,"How do I know? I'm only 6." 

What's the definition of a Vancouver optimist? A guy with a sun visor on his rain hat. 

"I can't believe it," said the tourist. "I've been here an entire week and it's done nothing but rain. When do you have summer here?" 
"Well, that's hard to say," replied the local. "Last year, it was on a Wednesday." 

What does daylight-saving time mean in Vancouver? An extra hour of rain. 

It rains only twice a year in Vancouver: 
August to April and May to  July! 
            
Well at least we don't live in a hick town!