Some thoughts....
 
Save the whales.  Collect the whole set
 
A day without sunshine is like, night
 
On the other hand, you have different fingers
 
I just got lost in thought.  It was unfamiliar territory
 
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot
 
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name
 
I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe
 
You have the right to remain silent.  Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you
 
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges
 
Honk if you love peace and quiet
 
Remember half the people you know are below average
 
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
 
Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool
 
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
 
He who laughs last thinks slowest
 
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
 
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines
 
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
 
I drive way too fast to worry about my cholesterol
 
I intend to live forever - so far so good
 
Borrow money from a pessimist - they don’t expect it back
 
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
 
My mind is like a steel trap - rusty ad illegal in 37 states
 
Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of
 
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes
 
Support bacteria - they’re the only culture some people have
 
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and going the wrong way
 
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
 
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking
 
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it
 
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism
 
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
 
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with
 
No one is listening until you make a mistake
 
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view
 
The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it
 
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread
 
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it
 
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research
 
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles
 
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life
 
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive
 
two wrongs are only the beginning
 
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard
 
The sooner you fall behind the more time you’ll have to catch-up
 
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
 
Change is inevitable except from vending machines
 
Get a new car for your spouse - it’ll be a great trade
 
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow
 
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
 
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments
 
How many of you believe in telekinesis?  Raise my hand...
 
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener
 
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you


 
 

 
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