I was on my way home from work and was 7 1/2 months along, in my pregnancy, with my second child when we (my unborn baby and myself) were hit by a Drunk Driver. We were hit with such force that my stomach hit the steering wheel and bent it all the way under the dash board.
From that moment until I came to, in the recovery room, a lot of what happened is still a blur. I do remember bits and pieces. I remember that the Doctor's wanted to try and send me and my baby to UK so she could be delivered there in case there were some problems. They were not capable of taking care of her where we were taken.
The next thing I remember is that they were getting me ready for an emergency C-section. I came to during surgery and I looked up to see the Doctor's lift my baby up out of me and she was so lifeless. Her poor little arms just hung from her side. It scared me so bad. I kept asking the Doctor's and nurses if my baby was all right. I prayed so hard. "Please God let my baby be all right, Please". I watched them work with Whitney. She never moved or cried. It hurt me so bad to see her lying there so lifeless. I wanted to hold her so bad. To let her know that "Mommy" was there and that I loved her so much. I would have given my life up in a heart beat to save her, but I couldn't.
The Doctor's had to remove my left ovary and tube. They thought that they were going to have to do a hysterectomy on me as well. But they were able to save my right side.
I never got to hold my baby or even touch her before they flew her to UK. They did take a picture of Whitney and brought it back to me before they left with her. That is the only picture I have of my beautiful baby, while she was alive.
Whitney lived for a very short 16 hours. She died from a ruptured spleen. I never got to hold my baby in my arms until she had already died.
The only memories I have are the memories of carrying her inside of me for 7 1/2 months, feeling her grow and move. She was more active at night than any other time.
For months after I lost Whitney, I still felt like she was growing inside of me. I would catch myself looking into the mirror, to see how big I was getting with her. I could feel her move inside me. My family thought I was losing my mind for a while, but I wasn't. I could really feel her move. (At least in my mind I could.)
The guilt I lived with for years after losing my precious baby was unbearable! I was her "Mommy". I was supposed to protect her from all of this ugliness and bad things in this world, but I failed her.
It took me a long time to realize that I couldn't have stopped the man that hit us. I couldn't keep blaming myself for his carelessness and stupidity, but I did. I was Whitney's "Mommy". Why couldn't I have been the one that died, not my baby, not my Whitney.
I wanted to die, so bad. I gave up on life and everyone in my life, for a long, long time.
When I started going through the court system, when they were trying to prosecute the Drunk, is when I started feeling the anger. Listening to his lawyers refer to my baby as "just a fetus", she was not human. HOW!!! could someone defend another person for killing an innocent, defenseless baby??? I was so angry at the Drunk, his lawyers, myself, my husband, EVERYONE! I went through court hearings for 3 years after losing my baby, before the Drunk finally went to jail.
HOW??? could anyone question when someone is considered a human being? My baby, Whitney, lived for 16 hours and died because of a Drunk Driver. WHY??? couldn't he had died? He was the bad one, not my baby.
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