: ) Advice for Yankees Moving South  ( :

I get the best jokes via e-mail!  I

hope you like this one - it's a hoot! (hehe)

1.  Save all manner of bacon grease.

You will be instructed later how to use it.

2.  If you forget a Southerner's name,

refer to him (or her) as "Bubba."

You have a 75% chance of being

right.

3.  Just because you can drive on

snow and ice does not mean we can.

Stay home the two days of the year

it snows.

4.  If you do run your car into a

ditch, don't panic.  Four men in the

cab of a four wheel drive with a

12-pack of beer and a tow chain will

be along shortly.  Don't try to help them.

Just stay out of their way.  This is

what they live for.

5.  Don't be surprised to find movie

rentals and bait in the same store.

6.  Do not buy food at the movie store.

7.  If it can't be fried in bacon grease,

it ain't worth cooking, let alone

eating.

8.  Remember:  "Y'all" is singular.

"All y'all" is plural.  "All y'all's" is

plural possessive.

9.  Get used to hearing, "You ain't

from around here, are you?"

10.  Don't be worried that you don't

understand anyone.  They don't

understand you either.

11.  The proper pronunciation you

learned in school is no longer proper.

12.  Be advised:  The "He needed

killin' " defense is valid here.

13.  If attending a funeral in the

South, remember, we stay until

the last shovel of dirt is thrown on

and the tent is torn down.

14.  If you hear a Southerner exclaim,

"Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out

of his way.  These are likely the

last words he will ever say.

15.  Most Southerners do not use

turn signals, and they ignore those

who do.  In fact, if you see a

signal blinking on a car with a

Southern license plate, you may

rest assured that it was on when

the car was purchased.

16.  Northerners can be identified

by the spit on the inside of their

car's windshield that comes from

yelling at other drivers.

17.  Satellite dishes are very popular

in the South.  When you purchase

one, it is to be positioned directly

in front of your trailer.  This is

logical bearing in mind that the

dish cost considerably more than

the trailer, and should, therefore,

be displayed.

18.  Tornadoes and Southerners going

through a divorce have a lot in common.

In either case, you know someone is

going to lose a trailer.

19.  Florida is not considered a

Southern state.  There are far more

Yankees than Southerners living there.

20.  If you are cursing the person

driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone,

directly in the middle of the road,

remember, many folks learned to

drive on a model of vehicle known

as John Deere, and this is the

proper speed and lane position

for the vehicle.

(hehe - remember, there are just in

fun, not intended to insult.  And

besides, I know people like this!)