Self-Injury

There is one special angel with a broken wing
I have grown to love. I dedicate this sight to her.
I ask God for his guidence and direction in my search
to understand and help her as well as others.

I believe we are all guilty of self-injury. In many different forms mentally and physically. Whether it is in the form of smoking, drinking, overeating, tatoos, unhealthy dieting, cutting yourself, or pulling out your hair. Long hours of exposier to the sun without protection. Abusing drugs whether perscription or otherwise. True, one extreem is more harmful than the other and more life threatening but self-abuse is self-abuse. No one has the right to judge anothers actions until you have walked in there shoes. I am not justifying the harm anyone does to themself or saying it is OK to do it. A bad habit is hard to break reguardless of what it is. I am saying patience, understanding, love and support goes a whole lot further than judging one another or looking the other way! Our body is God's temple and any form of abuse is against his wishes no matter how great or small.

Please take care of yourself.

I wrote the following poem for my
Angel With A Broken Wing

Guide Her Way

My child cut herself today.
Lord, I don't understand.
The kind of things inside her heart
As the blade is in her hand.

She's trying very hard.
Gaining strength each passing day.
Fighting off temptations
To harm herself this way.

Fighting back the tears she cries
Bad memories keep there hold.
Help her find the strength inside
To learn to just let go.

Thinking she deserves the pain
Is all she knows to feel.
Show her that you're there for her.
A sign that you are real.

She prayed to you when she was young
To make her life OK.
Not knowing that the path she walked
Would make her who she is today.

If she could just feel your presence
I know she would believe.
Just carry her for awhile Lord,
And let her suffering leave.

Please help her to have faith
And believe that you are there.
Then I know she'd talk to you
And feel the power of prayer.

Just a little sign Lord
That she can understand.
Let her feel the strength inside
From the touch of your gentle hand.

I turn it over it you Lord,
To help her find the way.
And feel you deep inside her heart
So you can guide her way.

Eileen Breedlove

Some of the material, language and links from the following pages could be offensive to some or triggering to others. If you're weak today it is in your best interest to visit another day. If you cannot visit these pages with an open mind and tender heart
they were not ment for you.

A very special young lady in my life
faces a life of self-injury everyday.
My search to understand and help her...

Disclaimer: This page or the pages that it links to are for informational purposes only. This page is not a substitute for professional help.

Self- Injury

Self-Injury is deliberately hurting yourself without the intent to commit suicide. Besides self-injury, it is also called self-harm, self-abuse and self mutilation. There are many methods a self-injurer may use. The most common is cutting. Other methods used are burning,scratching and rubbing, headbanging, and breaking of bones. Some of the reasons are, relief from psychological pain, release of tension, expressing anger, and general feelings inside without the ability to handle them reguardless if they are good or bad. I feel like it is the only way some can find to release pain. Kinda like a transfer from inside to the outside. Some say it keeps them from having attempted suicide thoughts.

The following quotations came from the book
"Cutting:Understand and Overcoming Self-Mutilation"
by Stephen Levenkron

I found these quotations from another website awhile back and cannot remember where. If anyone knows the website please let me know so I can credit them for the excellent source of information.

"A white woman, middle class of above average intelligence who began cutting herself in adolescence. she has low self-esteem and may suffer from bouts of depression. she has trouble relating to people and forming intimate relationships. despite her smarts and education, she has an extremely hard time articulating her thoughts and feelings and a seemingly insatiable need for love and acceptance. Because she did not internalize positive nurturing skills from her parents, she does not take very good care of herself and feels that she is too bad a person "to deserve comforts or luxuries."

Characteristics of the Self-Injurer

"the person who chooses this behavior is someone who experiences herself as powerless.she may not be docile, timid, or shy in public; she may even be quite outgoing. But no matter how outgoing or confident she seems, she feels alone wherever she is, different from everyone around her, an outsider. She is often plagued by a fear of punishment - usually from a parent - for being deficient, inadequate, a disappointment in a way that was either specifically defined for her, or one that is unspoken but understood."

"like the anorexic, she may feel that she has no one to depend upon or trust with her emotions. that feeling alone will produce fearfulness most of the time, even when there is no immediate cause to fear. so, what we know about his person is that she is afraid, and she may hide behind obsessional thinking or eating disorders as well as self-mutilation to gain relief from her constant state of fear. she is seeking all the relief she can find from her fearfulness. often, she is a high schiever in some area, whether it is in academics, the arts, or athletics. at the same time, she may ignore (and usually does) subjects that don't interest her. her school record may fluctuate from A's to F's.

She if often apologetic even when she has done nothing to apoligize for. she is fearful of what she sees as the imminent danger or resentment others will feel toward her. soometimes, her frequent gratuitous apologies stemming from this fear will annoy and alienate those friends closest to her. she may interpert their withdrawl as an indication that she has been offensive or not apologetic enought and increase the very behavior that repels those around her. still, she is a person generally liked by her peer group, who may identify on a very small scale with her vunerability, a vunerability that most of them are also experiencing to a lesser degree."

Why self mulitation?
1".A feel of mental disintegration, of inability to think."
2. "A rage that sometime can't be expressed, or even consciously percieved, toward a powerful figure (or figures)in their life, usually a parent."
"The self mulitator is looked upon with fear, anger, disgust, and revulsion." She's a person who is desperate need of help and human contact.
"Friends may not be able to generate an inexhaustible amount of caring. they may recoil in fear, or go to the other extreme and try single-handedly to rescue their friend from this self-destructive behavior. it they abandon the sufferer, her illness may deepen. it they attempt to save or rescue her and fail, they may turn away because she would then be a symbol of their own failure. in both scenarios the self-mutilator ends up abandoned."
1."i think that they wouldn't like me anymore. they might even get mad at me. and i would hate myself."
2."I keep thinking that i'm at that point, but just when i begin to believe it, i do it again."
3."i get everyone tired, and you'll get tired of me too."
4. "i would have watched the blood run down my arm, even stain my clothes. i would have wanted to take a bath in my blood. i would have cleaned it up and concealed it afterward to avoid getting caught."

"if we remember that self-mutilating behavior is a symptom for releasing discomfort, emotional pain, and other grievances, we need to realize that the self-harmer must learn other, healthier ways of expressing discomfort and emotional pain. Talk, Trust, healthy attachment, intimacy, and secure communication are the necessary building blocks for change.

as we see that the roots of cutting, burning, and other forms of self-mutilation go deep and far back into a person's emotional history, we can understand that the amount of emotional energy the self-harmer will have to expend in order to change theis characteristic of self-destructive behavior is enormous. there is no question that the helper (whether therapist, friend, or family member)must be prepared to expend a fair amount of energy, skill, and knowledge in turn to provoke and facilitate that change."

"the self-mutilator has a history of being hurt, harmed, or molested. when this is the case, mistrust is her security. she will constantly look for opportunities to mistrust helpers. she often invistes harming behavior from her helpers thus confirming her need to mistrust them, as well as her need to hide and protect herself from those who seek to help her. she may do this in a passive manner by not talking during therapy sessions. seeming to daydream in order to escape any connection with her therapist, she is in fact constantly testing. her need to protect herself from others by mistrusting them could frustrate the less than determined helper."

"life has taught the self-harmer not to trust anyone, or in less severe cases, to be extremely wary. she will set up many tests for a person to pass before taking even a limited chance to risk such trust."

The scars mark
Each and every day
All my tears are remembered
With my scars
Thin red lines
Run across my arms
Pale, raised memories
of an injustice that cannot be escaped
A tormentor that I cannot run from
A grief that I cannot hide from
Only stare at these fiery monsters
That are never to fade
Never to leave me in peace
Unknown

There are many places to go for information, support or to just be able to get your feelings out. Please, if you need help then find a place you are comfortable with. You are important and we are all special in our own way!

"No man stands as tall...
as he who stoops to help a child."
Robert Wagner

This Place Is...An Insite To Self-Injury

Self-Hel p

Self-Injury: My Story

Wa ys Of Getting Through

W omen And Self-Injury

How Are You Feeling Today

Coping With Flashbacks

Onli ne Depression Test

Heal Depression

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