On June 22, 1998, actually it was considered June 23rd due to the time of day, (after midnight), I experienced one of those situations a parent hopes and pray only happens in the movies or nightmares. It was the early hours of the morning when I awakened to be told my only son had been in a terrible accident. Since my son was now an adult of 24 and no longer lived where I do, it was necessary for me to travel an hour to my home town to arrive at an emergency room. Although I had been told on the phone, my son did not survive, I did as any parent does and kept telling myself as we drove--someone has made a terrible mistake my beautiful son is not gone.

Upon arriving in the early dawn hours at an emergency room where 24 years ago on New Year's Day, God had given me this beautiful human being 2 months early and totally unexpected, I was told he was involved in a "head-on" car crash. Although the officer who was there and all the hospital staff were ever so polite, I wanted to scream for as I walked outside the door to try to breathe again, there set the cold truth--a hearse awaited my son. Still feeling as though it should be a bad dream and I would awaken any moment, I shocked everyone it seemed by stating - no, rather insisting that I wanted to see my child.

The experience I had then surely provided me with a new education. I had over the years lost family members who were important to me before, I was tough. I was not tough enough. I was lead by the officer to what appeared to be double doors to a closet. As the door opened, it was a small room entrance that held two stretchers that contained two gray plastic bags. The officer moved to the left side and unzipped one gray bag. I felt as though someone had taken my life. As I looked down toward the end of the stretcher, I saw something that took away my breath and caused me more pain than I could ever imagine a human being could possibly live through. It was a pair of less than new white tennis shoes. Why I do not know, I knew those were my son's precious lumbersome feet.

Those were the old tennis shoes he wore as hack about shoes for what seemed like forever. Something I guess I had never really focused on. My heart was broken. He was truly gone forever. I suddenly had to get out of there. I was very aware then there was another human being on the other stretcher in the other gray bag. My mind screamed but my lips stated calmly to the officer, "I can't do this." I turned and tried ever so hard not to see the mess that uses to be the handsome, smiling face of my beautiful baby!

During the next three days, I had several new experiences. I could feel totally alone in a whole room of people. I went shopping for a new suit of clothes for my child. The last ones he would ever wear. Somehow although he would never know, it became extremely important that he have new perfect clothes. I experienced viewing his body to decide if a casket would be opened or closed. Let me explain if I can the horrible sight of your child lying in a cold back room of a funeral parlor lifeless with terrible cuts and facial damage. His eyes were closed and suddenly I realized again I would never see his beautiful blue eyes smiling at me. Think of the experience of a mother who wants to hold her child more than she has wanted anything in her life and yet was afraid. Afraid that if you touched him you would start screaming and crying and never stop again. There were other family members present and I realized I would never be alone with my son again. I felt so very cold through the next days and so alone. Actually, lots of people were there but I my mind constantly wandered to past times when I heard words from a child and over the years from the mouth of a beautiful smiling young man. Words, like "I love you too, Mom." Words that were spoken from one of the things I considered to be the best of this world one of my children. I remember punishments I wished I could take away. I remember a tiny small baby I couldn't hold because he was premature and inside a glass case. I remember my prayers being answered as I got to take him home finally, and again through the years as he grew. I re-experienced every memory of 24 years good and bad of being my son's mother. And as they lowered the cherry box into the grown, I experienced the total loss of never being his Mom again.

Slowly through the course of life since that time, I have learned that my son was returning from work that night and was involved in an accident that not only ended his life but those of two other young women, one 20 and the other 21 who were in the other car. I learned that the other driver had been to a party and was chasing another car that must have gotten passed my son's car okay. They were drinking and extremely unable to drive. We learned they were making "a beer run." The accident scene revealed that my son must have seen the other lights coming at him. He had applied brakes and tried to get off the side of the road, only for the on coming auto to crash directly into his driver's door. He never stood a chance. I often wonder if he had time to be afraid. My child my precious baby, Alone! I pray to God there was no time for pain.

I sit and I write this and anger builds inside me. No, not anger, at a child of 20 who did a foolish thing that took away the life of my son. It is hard to feel anger when she ended her own life and her mother's screams at the emergency room still ring in my ears. But I can feel anger at the society who allows such tragedies to occur. I must wonder how many Mothers must experience what we have? How many must learn to live with the constant pain of not seeing a child marry, have children, grow old? How many will yearn for a lost child who was taken away by a driver who should not have been under the wheel?

In recent days, we have all watched as our political leaders continually spend millions of dollars to cut and rip each other apart over various subjects. Where is the education funding and enforcement follow through that is needed to slow the progressive death tolls on our nation's highways. I use to believe that what others did was none of my business. Let me tell you for certain that what others do is my business for it takes away from me. Our young people are paying for our decisions with their blood. The price is just too high. I know there are those who will argue lost of freedom. Oh yes, I believe each individual has the right to freedom, but I have a right to a safe, happy, long life with my children. When does their freedom infringe on mine? Is it after they take away what I can never replace. Why can it not be before? I can not understand that in our great nation, we cannot devise some solution to such a major problem?

Please think before you drink and drive!!!!!

This People Affected by Drunk Driving site is owned by Alene Miller. Want to join the People Affected by Drunk Driving?
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