When in doubt, run far, far away.
You can never have too many treats.
Passing gas in public is nothing to be ashamed of.
New shoes are an absolute necessity every 6 weeks.
Ignore cues. They’re just a prompt to do more work.
Everyone loves a good, wet, slobbery kiss.
Never run when you can jog. Never jog when you can walk. And never walk when you can stand still.
Heaven is eating at least 10 hours a day…and then sleeping the rest.
Eat plenty of roughage.
Great legs and a nice rear will get you anywhere. Big brown eyes help too.
When you want your way, stomp on the nearest foot.
In times of crisis, take a poop.
Act dumb when faced with a task you don’t want to do.
Follow the herd. That way, you can’t be singled out to take the blame.
A swift kick in the butt will get anyone’s attention.
Love those who love you back, especially if they have something to eat.
Leather and chains can make anyone look studly.
Cold baths are a form of cruel and unusual punishment.
You’ve got horse sense. Use it!
If God meant you to be encased in metal, He would have made you a Sherman tank.
If someone’s constantly on your back, lie down and play dead or run like heck.
Who needs nuclear power when you’ve got natural gas?
Happiness is a warm fuzzy blanket and someone to share it with.
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Image from Pure Illusion Graphics
Thanks to Nancy Switzer, whose cute "All I need to know in life..." messages appeared on a series of T-shirts.