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DOES YOUR DOG OWN YOU?

You believe every dog is a lapdog.
If you are cold, you put a sweater on your dog.
You have a picture of your dog in your wallet,
but not one of your kids.
You often claim that it was love at first sight
with you and your dog.
You have your dog talk to your friends on the phone.
No Matter how large your bed is,
It is not large enough for you and your dog(s).
You can't fully enjoy yourself without your dog.
You spend more on clothes and food for your dog
than you do for yourself.
You have no reservations about kissing your dog on the lips
even when you know where his lips have been.
You believe it is your duty to talk to, pat, and even feed
every dog in the neighborhood. You know their names.
You let the neighbor dog sleep over.
You believe there is no such thing as a naughty dog.
Your vet and grooming bills exceed your rent.
When you need someone to talk to,
your dog is your first choice.
You sit on the floor if the dog got in the chair first.
You talk to your dog when you are driving. He answers.
Your dog taught you to fetch and roll over.
These were taken from the newsletter of the Vashon Island, Washington animal-adoption group.

TEN REASONS YOU SHOULD HAVE A DACHSHUND:

(Original from an extinct Dachshund periodical from the 80')
plus rebuttals by Mary Pyle (..)
and Joachim (--), proud owner(?) of a female silver-dapple dachsmanian devil)

1. He is an ideal companion as a pet. He will follow you, love you, and amuse you all day and every day.
..You are graciously allowed to share your bed & board with him. You will trip on him, and watch him laugh at your clumsyness.
--You are an ideal companion for her. She will always have fun watching you calling her to come back when she's in the woods. She WILL be at your side without fail shortly before breakfast and dinner time.
2. He is a born sportsman. He will turn his nose to anything above ground, while below ground, he will, given his chance, hold his own with the best. Dachshunds were originally bred to dig badgers out of holes.
..He will chase all pet cats, birds, & dogs from his exclusive territory (which is as far as the eye can see). He will also roto-till your fresh-laid lawn and new flower beds.
--She will always disagree with your landscaping - and change it on the spot. Fences are her specialty and a welcome challenge at any time.

3. He is a born gentleman. His aloof dignity is above canine skylarking and petty yelping.
..What they don't want to see and don't want to hear does not exist.
--What, me worry ?

4. He is courageous to a remarkable degree and will stand up for his rights against any foe.
..From behind a fence there is none braver.
--She will pick a fight with any dog, provided he is much bigger than her and daddy is close enough to come to a quick rescue.

5. He is odorless, always clean and easily housebroken.
..You'd be odorless too from the daily baths needed made necessary because of finding "neat" things to roll in.
--She can immerse herself in mud in less than 3 seconds, can find the strangest smelling herbs at any depth in the same mud, and I still consider it a miracle, when SHE decided to go after her business outside the house.

6. He comes in several sizes, colors and coats to suite your special taste. The tiny miniatures also come in all three coats and colors; smooth, longhaired and wirehaired, and from a beautiful shiny black and tan to a rich Irish Setter red. There is no other breed which offers such a selection.
..They are like peanuts, you can't stop with just one, and there is always a new variety or color or size to drool over.
--Two years ago, I didn't know how to spell "silver-dapple" - not I'm owned by one ! (see bottom)

7. He has a well founded reputation for being rugged and strong. Equally at home in either cold or warm climates.
..If it is cold, they are in your bed or in their sweater. If hot, they grab the seat in front of the air conditioner and drink out of your ice tea glass.
--She is strongest when she is pulling me back home when it starts raining, and, yes, the air conditioner is HERS !

8. He asks only that he be with you whether you live in a mansion or the most humble abode. He is at your side day and night and he will warn you if any strangers are lurking about.
..He is willing to share all you have, if you eat dog food, he'll eat dog food. If you have steak, he gets steak ! You couldn't get rid of him if you wanted, and anybody stranger than you SHOULD get barked at.
--She sleeps thru every earthquake, but will raise hell at 4 in the morning if she suspects another dog is coming by too close at our (her) house.

9. He is most affectionate, and delights in riding in your car or sleeping close to you (if you will let him) at night, but he is content with his own bed and a simple cover that he can pull over his head, with just a shiny black nose to show his presence. Just to be near you and show his love for you is all he asks.
..He is not stupid enough to let a good sucker out of his sight. People are such pushovers for the old "I love you, I love you" routine.
--She will push you to the edge of the bed (and out if you don't kick back in time).

10. He is a wonderful companion for your children, and will take a lot of rough play and enter into the spirit of fun, for he is a born comedian. You can trust a Dachshund for they have never been known to betray a confidence.
..They love kids, the younger the better, children can be blamed for so much that the "sweet li'l puppy wuppy" couldn't possibly have done (they don't realize how tall a fully stretched Dachshund can reach). A Dachshund will never write a tell-all unauthorized biography, but don't leave your pot roast within reach.
--Our dachsie doesn't betray us primarily because she's too smart to make a promise in the first place. She is an excellent actress, and she knows how to make a fool out of me.

ONCE YOU HAVE OWNED ONE, YOU WILL NEVER BE WITHOUT ONE !!!!!
..ONCE YOU HAVE BEEN OWNED BY ONE, THERE IS NO HOPE FOR YOU.
--ONCE YOU HAVE BEEN OWNED BY ONE, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE OWNED BY ONE !

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