~For the Workplace~
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
~~~
A mediocre idea that generates enthusiasm
will go further than a great idea
that inspires no one.
(Mary Kay Ash)
~~~
A meeting is an event which the minutes are kept
and the hours are lost.
~~~
After any salary raise,
you will have less money at the end of the month
than you did before.
~~~
All stressed out with no one to strangle.
Any job worth doing is worth doing well.
Are you a ray of sunshine everyday..??
Ask me tomorrow what it means.
(Wesley Unseld)
Attitude is everything !
Attitude...??? What attitude...???
Attitudes are contagious.....is yours worth catching?
Be nice or get out !!
Because "Nice" matters...
~~~
Before I started working here...
I drank and smoked and used foul language...
for no reason whatsoever.
But now, thanks to my job,
I have a reason !
~~~
Being organized interferes with my creativity.
Burning the midnight oil ~!~
Business before pleasure.
Calling in ugly is NOT a viable excuse for missing work !
~~~
Coming together is a beginning;
Keeping Together is progress;
Working together is success.
(Henry Ford)
~~~
Do they ever shut-up on your planet???
Does being good at being stupid count?
Don't ask me....I was hired for my looks !
~~~
Don't be irreplaceable.
If you can't be replaced,
you can't be promoted.
~~~
Don't criticize my knowledge....correct your ignorance !!
Don't give me problems...give me solutions...!!
Don't play stupid with me...I'm better at it!
~~~
Don't rush me !
I'm making misteaks as fast as I can !
~~~
Employees caught speaking Spanish
will be paid in Pesos !
(seen in an auto-body shop on a sign)
~~~
Every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it.
Autograph yours with excellence.
~~~
Everyone is entitled to my opinion...
Famous last words..."Don't worry, I can handle it !!".
~~~
Final Offer:
What an experience negotiator makes
before he starts making concessions.
~~~
First thing in the morning...eat a frog.
Nothing worse can happen to you all day.
~~~
For something to become clean, something must become dirty.
(seen on a sign at a pizza restaurant)
~~~
Getting anything done around here is like mating elephants:
1. It's done on a high level.
2. It's accomplished with a great
deal of roaring and screaming.
3. And it takes two years to get results.
~~~
Hard work is the yeast that raises the dough.
Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
Hard work never hurt anybody.
Hard work never hurt anyone, but why take the chance !
Hassle with Care !
Have a nice day....somewhere else !!
~~~
Hire a teenager, quick,
while they still know everything !!
~~~
I believe no problem is so large or so difficult
that is can't be blamed on somebody else ....!!
~~~
I can only please one person per day.
Today is not your day.
Tomorrow is not looking good either.
~~~
I don't get headaches....I give them !
I don't have a solution, but I admire the problem.
~~~
I don't have an attitude problem,
you have a perception problem.
~~~
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it !
I don't want the world...I just want your half !!
~~~
I give 100% to my job.
10% on Mondays,
20% on Tuesdays,
50% on Wednesdays
15%on Thursdays,
and 5% on Fridays !!
~~~
I have an occupational disease...
I'm sick of working !!
~~~
I have one nerve left...
and you're getting on it !!
~~~
I like your approach...now let's see your departure.
~~~
I love deadlines.
I especially like the "whooshing" sound
they make as they go flying by !!
~~~
I meant to do my work today,
but a brown bird sang in the apple tree,
and a butterfly flitted across the field,
and all the leaves were calling me.
~~~
I never let the facts interfere with my opinion.
~~~
I only employee teenagers,
because they know everything !!
~~~
I only know what people tell me.
(Lew Archer)
I owe...I owe...it's off to work I go !
I pretend to work...they pretend to pay me.
I strive for excellence, not perfection.
I used to be disgusted -- now I'm amused.
~~~
I work just like
I get paid.
A little bit each each week!
~~~
I work to live....I don't live to work.
I'd enjoy the day more if I started later !
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
I'd quit my job...but it's the only place I get any sleep.
~~~
If a messy desk means a messy mind,
what does a blank desk mean ??
~~~
If crying and pouting don't work....BITCH !!
~~~
If I agree with you...
will you shut up ??
~~~
If I want your opinion,
I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
~~~
If it is to be, it is up to me.
If idiots could fly....this place would be an airport !!
~~~
If it wasn't for the last minute,
nothing would get done.
~~~
If you are grouchy, irritable or just plain mean...
there will be a $10 charge for putting up with you !
~~~
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
~~~
If you can't run with the big dogs,
stay on the porch !
~~~
If you don't know where you are going,
you'll probably end up somewhere else.
~~~
If you don't like my attitude....
call 1-800-who-cares !!!
~~~
If you haven't got time to do it right,
when will you find the time to do it over?
~~~
If you needed it today
why don't you wait
and order it tomorrow.
~~~
If you want a thing done well, do it yourself.
If you're going to panic, do it constructively !!
I'll try being nicer...If you'll try being smarter !
~~~
I'm a responsible person.
If something goes wrong,
I'm responsible !
~~~
I'm a temperamental person....
95 % temper and 5 % mental !!
~~~
I'm depressed, nobody's after my job.
I'm not deaf. I'm ignoring you.
I'm only working until I win the lottery.
~~~
I'm trying to arrange my life so
that I don't ever have to be present.
~~~
Inspiration come of working every day.
(Charles Baudelaire)
Is it 5:00 yet ??
Is there such thing as a gruntled employee ???
It Ain't Easy !!!
~~~
It infuriates me to be wrong...
When I know I'm right !!
(Moliere)
~~~
It is often easier to fight for principles
than to live up to them.
(Adlai Stevenson)
~~~
It sure make the day long
when you get to work on time !
~~~
It's a tough job ! So, I'd rather YOU do it...!!!
It's been Monday all week !
~~~
It's better to keep your mouth shut and look stupid
than to say something and leave no doubt about it !
~~~
Just when you thought you were winning the rat race,
along come faster rats.
~~~
Many hands make light work !
Mental backup in progress...do not disturb !!
Mind like a steel trap...rusty and illegal in 37 states.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Mornings wouldn't be so bad...If they just started later !!
My cow died so I don't need your BULL anymore !
My mind works like lightening....one brilliant flash and it's gone !!
My take home pay won't even take me home !
No Admittance...if on business...go to Office...
~~~
No Brains....No Headaches !
~~~
No matter how busy I am,
I'm never too busy to stop
and talk about how busy I am.
~~~
No Questions Please...I haven't had my second cup of coffee yet!!!
Nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute !!
Of course, I don't look busy. I did it right the first time...
~~~
Of course I need it today !!
If I wanted it tomorrow,
I'd order it tomorrow !
~~~
Office angel, my
guardian dear,
Help me with the workload here...
Guide my hands through this paper mess,
And help me deal with deadline stress.
Amen.
~~~
Office Arithmetic
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
~~~
One day I'll learn to keep my mouth shut.
Until then, close your ears.
~~~
Only Robinson Crusoe had everything
done by FRIDAY !!
~~~
Our policy is to always blame the computer !
Out of my mind....back in 5 minutes.
People who are organized...are just too lazy to look for it !!
~~~
Please be patient...
I only work here
because I'm too old for a paper route
and too young for social security.
~~~
Poor planning on your part
does not constitute an
automatic emergency on my part.
~~~
Put up with me !! I won't put up with you.
(Aime Cesaire)
~~~
Quiet please...genius at work!!
Mistakes made while you wait...
~~~
Save time....do it MY way...!!!
~~~
Science may never come up with
a better office communication system
than the coffee break.
~~~
Shock Me.....say something intelligent.
Smile...it confuses people !!!
Stressed......ME????
~~~
The next raise you get will be just enough
to put you into a higher tax bracket;
but not enough to make any difference
in your take home pay.
~~~
Take care !
The toes you step on today
may be connected
to the A** that you have
to kiss tomorrow.
~~~
Teamwork is vital...it gives you someone to blame.
~~~
Tell me what you need,
and I will tell you
how to get along without it...!!
~~~
Thank God it's MONDAY !!
~~~
The best man for the job ...is a woman !
~~~
The boss said a little work never hurt anyone,
but I'm not taking any chances.
~~~
The expert at anything was once the beginner.
The first myth of management is that it exists.
~~~
The hardest thing of all to give is.....IN
~~~
The last person who quit or was fired
will be held responsible
for everything that goes wrong.
~~~
The trouble about being in a rat race is...
even if you win,
you are still a rat !!
~~~
There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
There is absolutely no substitution for a genuine lack of preparation.
There is no job so simple that it can't go wrong.
There is no problem I can't handle...."I have kids !"
There is no task so simple that it cannot be done wrong.
They can't fire me....slaves have to be sold.
This isn't a desk...it's a landfill !
~~~
This job is a test, it is only a test.
If this had been an actual job
you would have received raises,
promotions and other
signs of appreciation.
~~~
This place would fall apart if it wasn't for me.
To err is human, to forgive is NOT our policy.
~~~
Two rules to be a good employee:
Rule #1: The boss is always right.
Rule #2: When the boss is wrong...see Rule #1 !!
~~~
Was today really necessary ?
We do precision guesswork !
We don't make mistakes, we do variations.
~~~
We don't teach people to be nice.
We simply hire nice people.
~~~
Welcome to the ZOO !
~~~
When opportunity knocks....
some people only complain about the noise.
~~~
When we go to get listed on the NASDAQ
we want to go with shiny shoes.
(saying by CEO of a company)
~~~
When work is a pleasure, life is a joy.
When work is a duty, life is slavery.
~~~
Work is for people that don't how to golf !!
~~~
Work
is like a rodeo
You
put up with a lot of "BULL"
And
there's always some "CLOWN"
That thinks he runs the show.
~~~
Work smart, Not hard.
Work with me people !!!
~~~
You can go anywhere you want if you
look serious and carry a clipboard.
~~~
You don't have to be crazy to work here...
but it helps !!
~~~
You want me to do WHAT ???
Your work habits are your signature of life.
~~~
49 % Nasty and 51 % Nice
Don't Push It !!
~~~
E-mail me if you have other sayings to add to this page.
updated 4/18/09
Every effort has been made to give credit to the authors of the material used on this site.
Please let me know if an error has been made, and I will gladly make the necessary changes asap. ~Deanie~