My name is Vicki Emerson and my husband's name is Bill. We have 5 children...3 are with us... Krista age 15...Ashley age 13...and Sean age 10. Our twin baby girls...Kylie Jo and Alexandra Erin who were born October 20, 1998 are now angels...living in heaven...and this is their story.

After Sean was born we really didn't plan on having any more children, but in April 1998, I found out I was 8 weeks pregnant. My doctor sent me for an ultrsound to determine my due date and much to our surprise they saw 2 babies growing inside of me. At first we were shocked...then we became very excited.

Things were going well until June. I was at work and I just wasn't feeling right. So I called my doctor and she told me to come to the hospital. They did another ultrasound and we knew by the look on the technition's face that something was wrong, but he couldn't tell us anything. We went to my doctors office and she told us that something was wrong with baby A (Kylie). It looked like a tumor in her belly but they weren't quite sure.

So they sent us to a specialist in Elmira N.Y. which was about 2 hours away. When we got there he found that her kidneys were not functioning properly and her belly was full of urine. He did an amnio and took out alot of the fluid. A week later when I went back he told us that they did a chromosone test that determined the babies were both girls and identical at that. We were so excited. I was hoping for identical girls. They also told us that Baby A's kidneys were not developing properly and all they could do at this point was just keep an eye on things and possibly when they were born they could do surgery to fix things. Every 2 weeks we made the trip to Elmira and every time they found more problems with baby A. I began to dread my visits to Elmira. I just didn't want to hear anymore.

When I was 32 weeks along they told us that baby A had a very slim chance of surviving after birth. Our hopes and our dreams were shattered. All through my pregnancy we prepared for two babies. We fixed up the spare bedroom and made it into a nursery...we had 2 of everything. My family threw me a baby shower with two little bear cakes and we got so many nice things for our baby girls. But now they were telling us that only one baby would be coming home with us. Due to some other complications they decided to deliver the babies at 35 weeks via c-cection.

So our families made the trip with us on October 20 to Elmira N.Y. Kylie Jo was born at 2:12pm weighing 2lbs 15.8oz and Alexandra was born 2:14pm weighing 4lbs 4.8oz.

They immedietly took both babies away before I could really get a good look at them. Once I was in recovery, my husband Bill came in with 2 polaroid pictures of them and told me that both babies were on respirators to help them breath. I asked him...why Alexandra? She was supposed to be fine. He said she was fine, but her lungs weren't fully developed...everything was going to be alright.

After what seemed like eternity to me, they wheeled me and my bed into the NICU to see them. All I could do was cry, seeing my two precious babies with tubes that were bigger than they were.

Little Kylie was born with multiple anomolies. She had a club foot. Her arms only grew to her elbows and her hand developed from there. She had no thumbs. The muscles in her abdomin never developed...so you could see the outline of her intestines. There was nothing there to hold them in place so they were basically just floating around. She also had alot of fluid on her brain which made her head bigger.

They ran test after test on her because she was still with us and medically she shouldn't be. They tried to feed her but it just stayed in her stomach. She had no way of digesting food, so they had to feed her through tubes.

Alexandra started having problems and they found out she had something wrong with her bowls. They did surgery to try and clean out this meconium substance from her bowls and had to remove some of her bowl as well. They were suspicious of cystic fibrosis, so they did tests on both babies but it would take a few weeks to get the results.

On the second day they told us that there was nothing they could do for Kylie and that the respirator was all that was keeping her alive. They told us it was our choice whether or not to take her off and let her go on her own. Our first reaction was that there was absolutely no way could we make this decision. As the day went on and watching them poke and prod at her for reasons I'm not sure why...because it wasn't going to save her life...we both felt it was unfair to make her suffer any more. We felt it was selfish on our part to just keep her alive for us...we had to do what was right for her.

I don't think I could ever describe the heartache and devastation we felt signing those papers. We struggled with our feelings...was this the right thing to do or not? The mother in me just wanted to keep her. I didn't care that she looked different. She was beautiful to me and she was MINE. But my love for her was much stronger than my own selfish needs. This was about what was best for Kylie not me or Bill.

So they took her off and we took her to my room and dressed her up pretty...took lots of pictures and just held and loved her. My mom and Bills mom were with us and they took turns holding her. She never stopped breathing...her eyes became like beautiful twinkling stars...she seemed so happy being in our arms. She was not ready to give up yet, and that was perfectly fine with us.

When it was time for me to be discharged, Alexandra was not doing much better. She still was not having a bowl movement, so they had to keep her too. We went home for one day to be with our other children. I think I called the hospital every hour or so, I hated being away from them. We went back and stayed in Elmira for the next week. When the babies were 11 days old (on halloween day) the doctors told us they would like to send them both to Pittsburgh Childrens Hospital. Maybe there was something they could do for Kylie. They felt Alexandra would be in better hands also because she still was not going to the bathroom and they just weren't sure what was wrong. So again we were so full of hope and excitement. Maybe...just maybe...they were wrong about Kylie and there was something they could do for her.

On Nov. 1 they flew them in a helicopter to Pittsburgh Childrens Hospital. It was a 4 hour trip for us so by the time we arrived they had already done several test on Kylie. Once again they shattered our hopes...there was NOTHING they could do for her. She was still breathing on her own but they were having a hard time giving her nutrition because her veins kept collapsing. So now it was a waitng game...we were waitng for our child to die. We were so afraid to leave her even for a minute. We were not about to let our little girl die without us. We wanted her to be in our loving arms so when she left this life she would know how much we loved her.

At 8:30pm on Nov. 3rd (2 days after arriving in Pittsburgh) Kylie Jo lost her fight for life. She died in the arms of her daddy who loved her unconditionally. She died listening to Jesus loves me on the tape we played for her. We both held her for a long time and as we looked at her we suddenly understood. She didn't look deformed any more...her arms looked like angel wings. Her skin was no longer a reddish color but pure white...not gray...a beautiful white like an angel. Her big brown eyes were still open and we saw that same twinkle that was there when we took her off the ventilator. She looked totally at peace. Kylie Jo stayed here long after she really was supposed to... she stayed for us. She gave us some time with her. She knew how desperately we wanted to keep her. Kylie Jo Emerson was an angel in disguise.

The only explanation we were given to what went wrong with Kylie Jo is that her portion or the umbilical cord did not supply enough blood to her in order for her to develop properly. They have a name for this condition but I can't even begin to spell it.

On Nov. 6 we had services for Kylie she looked so beautiful in her white dress...she truly was our angel. We played Jesus Loves Me for her.

Later that same day we got a call from Pittsburgh...they said Alexandra took a turn for the worse. She developed a deadly bacterial infection in her bowls and they needed our permission to do a blood transfusion. Of course we agreed. They said they had to put her back on the respirator. They also told us that the tests for cystic fibrosis came back positive. They both had it of course...because they were identical.

We went back to Pittsburgh to be with Alexandra and she quickly got better. They took her off the ventilator and she improved more every day. She still was not going to the bathroom and I don't think we ever prayed so hard for poop in our entire lives. They taught us all about cystic fibrosis and how to take care of her. Things started going very well for her...she was eating good and going to the bathroom. They finally let us take her home on Tuesday, November 24...two days before Thanksgiving. We were excited and scared at the same time. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with our family but Bill and I were missing Kylie so much.

A visiting nurse came every day to weigh her and to make sure things were going ok. We were so excited when she finally reached 5lbs. The Monday after she came home we took her to the doctor because she had been having diahrea. First we prayed for poop and now we couldn't get her to stop. The doctor found blood in her stool and they sent her right back to Pittsburgh by helicopter. We were devastated. Here it was our oldest daughter Krista's birthday Nov. 30 and Alexandra was being flown back to Pitts. They wouldn't let us go in the helicopter with her. We stood there feeling helpless and scared as we watched them take off and fly away with our little girl.

Please God...don't take her too...we couldn't bear losing her too.

We went home and waited for her doctor to call. When he finally did, he said she was in no immediate danger and we could stay home and celebrate Krista's birthday. We wanted so much to go be with Alexandra, but our other kids needed us too. We just couldn't leave Krista on her birthday. We were so torn. The next day we went to Pittsburg. Alexandra was doing very well and they talked about letting her come home in a few days.

In the early morning of the day we were to take Alexandra home, they called us at a family members home where we were staying and said Alexandra took a turn for the worse and they needed to do surgery. I called my mom and Bill called his mom. They decided to drive down to be with us. We went straight to the hospital and arrived just as she was coming out of surgery. They let us go in to see her. We were not prepared for what we saw.

Our little 5lb baby girl looked about 12 lbs. She was so bloated and her skin was dark. They said her kidneys were failing but they were still hopeful. They also told us that they had to remove alot more of her bowl. She had alot of dead bowl and bacteria had grown in her dead bowl so when they opened her up it quickly spread to the rest of her organs.

Finally our Moms arrived and we explained everything to them. We all spent the day taking turns sitting by Alexandra's side. That night we all went to a hotel close by and went back in the morning. Alexandra had gotten worse. She was even more bloated and almost black. She did not look like our little girl. Her kidneys had failed and the bacteria had destoyed most of her major organs. They told us there was no hope..........NO HOPE........I cried don't tell me this........I cannot lose another baby.

Bill and I and our Moms were utterly devastated. This is not happening...I kept telling myself...but it was happening...and at 2:00pm that afternoon on December 9...Alexandra died in my arms.

We drove back home that day in a daze. I just couldn't believe this was happening to us. The kids took it so hard. I couldn't stand to see them hurting like this and there was nothing I could do to take it away. Once again Bill and I were feeling helpless.

We had funeral sevices on December 11. We put her in a beautiful pink lacy dress that Bill's mom had given us. It came off of one of her porclain dolls. We played "In the Arms of the Angels" and "Tears in Heaven". Thank God they were able to make her look more like herself. She truly looked beautiful.

                Although we have gone through and are still going through so much heartache, I would never trade one moment of having our two beautiful baby girls. They have changed our lives forever and I will always be greatful for having the chance to love them.

~Vicki Emerson

Alexandra

Kylie