REDNECK CHURCH, if ...
+ Coon huntin' is considered to be evangelism
+ You use saltines and Cheerwine for communion
+ Your pastor wears a camouflage robe
+ There's a deer head mounted above the pulpit
+ The praise and worship team got their instruments from the pawnshop
+ There are cars on cinder blocks in the church parking lot
+ Your bulletin has the NASCAR schedule printed in it
+ They show episodes of Hee Haw in children's church
+ On men's workday you burn the yard instead of mowing it
+ The speakers for the sound system came from the local drive-in
+ You're raising catfish in the baptismal
+ They use garden hoses for teething rings in the nursery
+ The linens in the bathrooms have "Days Inn" printed on them
+ There's a copy of Hunter's Digest in every pew
+ The church secretary has a tattooing kit on her desk
+ The men's fellowship meets at the tractor pull
+ You see cigarette butts in the offering plate
+ You have a chainsaw player on your praise and worship team
+ The deacons get the toilet paper from the Exxon bathroom
+ You have a group baptism at the car wash
+ The prayer teams also double as hog-callin' teams
+ The missionaries are funded through KoolAid points and Campbell's soup
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+ When anointing the sick you use lard
+ "Dueling Banjos" is your benediction
+ The entire congregation is praying for a call from the Governor to spare an elder
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