Thank you for stopping in to meet our son. I have put a lot of heart and time into this page and the pages that follow, so please take the time to view each page...and don't forget to sign the guestbook, I like to know who has met my son :) Also, all the poems on this page and on the following poetry page were written by ME...PLEASE DO NOT COPY THESE POEMS!!! Thank you. Gage Ryan I go over and over that night in my head. I hear the doctor tell me that my son is not going to be born alive. "Stillborn"...this is something that happens to someone else...not me....not my son. When I gave birth to Gage I waited....waited for a breath, a cry, anything...but it never came. I held him so close to me. Looked at him wondering "why?" He was so perfect. I spent most of the night holding him, counting fingers and toes... waiting for him to open his eyes. I don't even know what color they are. The only memories of Gage that I have are of him not breathing...not living.When they induced my labor and the first contraction hit, I remember yelling at my nurse to stop the labor...it was then that I realized that if he was born that they would eventually take him from me. That thought scared me. Leaving that hospital empty handed was the hardest thing that I have ever done. The next time I saw my son was two days later at the funeral home. There in a casket was my precious baby boy. The one that I had fought for, worked so hard for....gone. This was the first time that I had ever really lost someone. Losing my son has been a struggle and a heartache... I want everyone to see how special, how precious he really was. Still with you I am gone, not by your side, or so I've heard you say But I am with you more then you know each and every day I'm there each morning as you rise to the morning that you dread I'm nestled up beside you each night when you go to bed. I watch you while your sleeping or lying there awake I'm with you when you say "how much more can I take?" I watch with love each time I see you wipe the tears away I'll always be here for the one who thinks of me each day. I see your smile seldom, which is only a way to hide I know the deep exhausting pain that you feel inside I watch you gather all my things to keep the memories alive I also know this is the only thing that helps you to survive. I wish you knew that I was there and know the pain you feel And that you have a broken heart that time will never heal Just know that I am with you...we really aren't apart I'm in every breath you take...nestled in your heart. Written by Gage's Mommy I felt you move and watched you grow, I dreamed of what life had to offer you, I couldn't wait to hold you, To know you, if only I had knew. They said you were gone, to never take a breath Why didn't I hang on to your last movements? You came to us for such a short time I'll forever cherish those precious moments. My heart is torn, but filled with love for you, My son in my heart forever. To know you lived only inside of me I long for you here, to be together. You'll never laugh or run and play Would you have had your Daddy's charm? Most people only believe in angels, but I held one in my arms Love, Mommy I was thrilled when we got the news that we were to have a boy, I was anxious to have you here to show off my bundle of joy. I wish I could watch you grow up and hear you asking me... "Dad, teach me to ride my bike, throw a ball" or whatever it might be. I miss the warm feeling I got each time I felt you toss and turn There was so much I wanted to teach you, so much I wanted you to learn. Losing you Gage was more then I thought that I would ever have to go through I sometimes think that one day I will wake up and none of this will be true. I wish my family was complete with you sleeping in my arms. I couldn't believe it when the doctor said that my son had been in harm. I will always have a special place in my heart for my precious little one. There is a very special bond.... a love between a father and a son. I will think of you each and every day for as long as I am here, And I will love you with all my heart and soul through every single tear. Love, Daddy Please visit the other pages to my site The following button will take you to my page on child abuse where you will find the link to the stories.