How to be annoying
-
Adjust the tint on your T.V. so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
-
Drum on every available surface.
-
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
-
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
-
Ask telephone operators for dates.
-
Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire Simon Bates warnings.
-
Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
-
Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
-
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
-
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
-
Set alarms for random times.
-
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
-
Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavour off.
-
Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
-
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
-
Honk and wave to strangers.
-
Dress only in clothes coloured Hunter's Orange.
-
Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
-
Wear your trousers backwards.
-
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
-
Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
-
Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
-
Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
-
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
-
only type in lowercase.
-
dont use any punctuation either
-
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and re-route whole streets.
-
Pay for your dinner with pennies.
-
Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
-
Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
-
Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
-
Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
-
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
-
Light road flares on a birthday cake.
-
Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
-
Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
-
Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
-
Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
-
At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
-
When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
-
Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
-
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
-
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
-
Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
-
Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
-
Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
-
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
-
Name your dog "Dog".
-
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
-
Ask people what gender they are.
-
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
-
Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
-
Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
-
Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
-
Sculpt your hedges into anatomically suggestive shapes.
-
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of disinfectant.
-
Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr Rogers theme song.
-
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
-
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
-
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
-
Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
-
Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
-
Sit in your front garden pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
-
Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
-
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
-
Wear a LOT of cologne.
-
Ask to "interface" with someone.
-
Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
-
Sing along at the opera.
-
Mow your lawn with scissors.
-
At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
-
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
-
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
-
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
-
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
-
Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
-
Stare at static on the T.V. and claim you can see a "magic picture".
-
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
-
Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
-
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
-
Never make eye contact.
-
Never break eye contact.
-
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
-
Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
-
Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
-
Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Harry Carpenter voice.
-
Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
-
Make appointments for the 31st of September.
-
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
Back to Home
Email me or
sign Guestbook or
View Guestbook