Beer Scooter. Miraculous method of transport employed when leaving the pub after drinking large amounts of beer. So called due to the "lost time" effect when returning home seemingly in no time and at incredible velocity.
Dead Otter. euph. A single stool of immense proportions.
Dockers Omelette A glistening gobbet of rubbery phlegm with remarkable anti - traction properties.
Dreadnought Even bigger than a dead otter.
Face Fannies or Bugger Straps As sported by "Rocket" Ronnie Haslam, Sir Rhodes Boyson and the singer out of Supergrass.
Greyhound . A very short skirt IE. Only one inch from the "hair".
Horses Handbrake. A raging hard on.
L.R.F.abbrv Low Resolution Fox A female who appears to be attractive from a long distance, but is in fact unbelievably ugly when close up.
Lung Warts. Small Tits
Meatloafs Daughter. See Dreadnought.
Mumrar. The act of sneaking up behind your mother and shouting RAR!!
Coilus interruptus. Method employed by God to prevent the birth of Meatloafs daughter whereby the doorbell rings just as you are laying the foundations of a log cabin.
Necking Turds Descriptive of one suffering from halitosis. As in "Excuse me, madam. I don't wish to appear rude, but have you been necking turds?"
Pace Car. Of paying a sit down visit. The slow unaerodynamic leading turd that once out of the way, allows the fast, souped-up little bastards behind to put their foot down.
Ragmans Coat. An untidy Vagina.
Wizards Sleeve. A particularly capacious "sausage wallet". As in "I cant feel a bloody thing. You must have a fanny like a wizards sleeve"
Wobbly Landing. Trying, when drunk to moor your under-inflated Zipper Zeppelin into your womans hairy hanger.
Barbers Pole. Result of parting the whiskers while the painters are in.
Crescent Wank To arrange one's favourite jazz periodicals in a half moon display, before kneeling down to perform a be-bop solo on the "spunk trumpet".