486: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
State-of-the-art: Any computer you can't afford.
Obsolete: Any computer you own.
Microsecond: The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.
G3: Apple's new Macs that make you say, "Gee, it's three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a microsecond ago."
Syntax Error: Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."
Hard Drive: The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, especially after a Syntax Error.
GUI (pronounced "gooey"): What your computer becomes after spilling your coke on it.
Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.
Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
Floppy: The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
Portable Computer: A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.
Disk Crash: A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
System Update: A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.
>>Technology for Country Folk...>>>>1. LOG ON: Makin a wood stove hotter.>>>>2. LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.>> >>3. MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood stove.>>>>4. DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk.>>>>5. MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gettin the farwood.>>>>6. FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood.>>>>7. RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.>>>>8. HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time.>>>>9. PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time. >>>>10. WINDOWS: Whut to shut wen it's cold outside.>> >>11. SCREEN: Whut to shut wen it's blak fly season.>>>>12. BYTE: Whut them dang flys do.>>>>13. CHIP: Munchies fer the TV. >>>>14. MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag. >>>>15. MODEM: Whut cha did to the hay fields.>>>>16. DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife.>>>>17. LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.>>>>18. KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the dang keys.>> >>19. SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifs.>>>>20. MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.>>>>21. MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof.>>>>22. PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine>> >>23. ENTER: Northerner talk fer "C'mon in y'all">> >>24. RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: Wen ya cain't 'member whut ya >> paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks.>>>>25. MOUSE PAD: That hippie talk fer the rat hole.
