Throwing Up: When you feel it coming, quickly get into an expensive chair or couch. If you can't manage this in time,
    get to an Oriental rug (for those without Oriental, shag carpet is a good substitute).

    Sleeping: a. Get plenty of sleep during the day so that you are fresh for playing between 2 and 4 in the morning. b.
    Never, under any circumstances submit to sleeping in "your bed". c. Laps are the best possible spot for napping. Most
    humans, if conditioned properly, will quickly realize that it is unkind to get up or disturb you in any way. Puppies, when
    you outgrow laps, learn to make yourself comfortable by using one or more of the feet as a pillow.

    Doors: a. Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get one open, stand on hind legs and scratch. Once the door is
    open for you it is not necessary to use it. You can change your mind (several times). b. When you have ordered an
    outside door opening, stand half-in and half-out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very
    cold weather and mosquito season.

    Eating: a. Never eat food from your own bowl if you can steal or beg from the table. b. Do not settle for a
    "well-balanced diet" of dog food. If you are steadfast in your refusal, they will soon begin to coax you with fresh liver,
    ground beef, etc.

    Guests: a. Determine quickly which guest hates dogs. Sit on that lap during the entire evening. If you can arrange to have
    Puppy Chow on your breath, so much the better. b. For sitting in laps, select colors which contrast with your own. For
    example, Brindle puppies should choose light colored wool pants. c. Always accompany guests to the bathroom; it is
    not necessary to do anything, just sit there and stare. d. For the guest who says, "I just love dogs" or "Aren't puppies
    absolutely adorable," be ready with: aloof disdain, indicating that you are bored and ready to take a nap or a quick,
    sharp nip on the ankle.

    Hampering: a. For book readers, get in close under the chin unless, of course, you can lie on the book itself. b. For
    people addressing envelopes, writing Christmas cards or doing income taxes, keep in mind the aim - to hamper. c. When
    supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. This way you cannot be seen and therefore stand a better
    chance of being stepped on, picked up or fussed over. d. If one of your people is sewing, balancing the checkbook or
    typing and your other one is merely sitting, position yourself next to the busy one and follow the rules outlined above.