At times, I feel like mine is so heavy, I wonder how I will go on. And yet, I have woke every morning and lived through the day. Still, I ask, did you take her Lord, why would you do this to me? How could you let me go full term, only to lose our only baby, our only child while in labor...

The love of your child gave us your only son...I can not begin to fathom... I did not understand how someone could give up their child, but really, it is about Love, isn't it?

Did you, just say it, you took her, it is your fault. And if not, then why, why didn't I get one of those special miracles, for heaven's sake, at least you should of done is take me, but not Ana, not our baby.

I have struggled between my thoughts and feelings, the war of heart and mind. I feel absolutely terrible to blame you God, rationally I know through free will, that you would never do something like this. Never take Ana. It is torture to have the innate desire and wanting to be a parent, a mother. And yet, it is clear I don't know much about love. For you are love, my father, and I can't seem to comprehend the infinite love you poccess.

I am not pregnant, it really hurts. I find that as time goes by, it is getting harder and harder to see babies, especially family members. Jealousy, Anger, Fear, Pain....and deep down some where, hope.

I don't know the whole story but what I remember is that when asked "God, do you still love me?" And the reply "He loved you so much, he reach his arms out wide, to infinity, and then died for our sins" .