The Origin of El Sparko Diablo!

A little bit about me
Well, I guess that we can start with my name. Not surprisingly, it is unremarkable. Doesn't even begin to hint at the creature that is El Sparko Diablo! No, I don't have delusions of grandeur. Heck, I didn't even make up the nick name. But all that comes in due time.

The Vital Statistics

Name: Kevin Jon Schlossberg
Aliases: Spark, Sparky, El Sparko Diablo, "Who are you again?"
Age: 24 years old (human), 168 years old (dog)
Height: 6'0"
Weight: 210 pounds
Gender: Male
Identifying Features: Tattoo on left arm of multicolored lizard, lots of scars, big ears
Resides in: Louisville Kentucky, Home of Horse Racing, Fine Baseball Bats, UPS and other astounding things!
Marital Status: Single (Can you believe that? WOW!)
Occupation: College Student, Waiter, CEO Diablo Labs, All Around Swell Guy

Okay, all that stuff is good and all, but what about you? What makes you tick? What have you done? Why should I even bother to look at anything else on your page?
Well, no one ever said that it was going to be easy, right? Ok, here goes. I was born in Bad Kruetznach, Germany, when my father was stationed there in 1972. No, my mom is not German, she just came over there with him during his four year tour of duty. I spoke German before I learned English (probably since I was with a German sitter for most of the time that I was awake) but promptly forgot it all when we moved back to the states. I lived your basic average life until after High School, when I got my first dose of REALITYwhen I joined the Army.

Why did I join you ask? Good Question. Part of the reason was because I feel that it is your duty as an American Citizen to serve in the forces defending it, BEFORE YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT. I also get ticked at people who whine about the government, but don't vote either. That's just me though. Another part of me always liked the machismo and patriotism involved. My being an Adrenaline Junkie didn't hurt either.

Okay, so you were in the Army for a while, what did you do?
Well, I was a MOS 12B1P for most of the time that I was in.

"What's that?"
A 12B1P is Army short hand for a Combat Engineer, Airborne.

"Gee thanks for explaining that too me, but what the heck is a Combat Engineer?"
A Combat Engineer is a soldier who has been specifically trained in Engineer Tasks that need to be preformed in Hostile Environments, typically involving Demolition or Construction while being shot at. I was a Combat Demolitions Specialist, so I focused mainly on blowing things up. Engineers support Infantry or Tank units primarily, so we have a slightly shorter life expectancy since typically we get to receive the same amount of enemy fire, but have less armor. And we get to go out and play in the minefields, trying to clear a path for the rest of the forces. When we aren't doing direct Engineer Type Thingys, we act as infantry. Not fun since we get to lug around all of our tools/demo/etc that we need while we are doing so. While I was stationed at Ft.Bragg, N.C. I was in a Combat Engineer (Airborne) Unit. That meant that I got to fall out of planes and do my thing. Since My unit was one of the few Airborne units of its type in the Army, we generally got to do some of the more interesting things. We went to more areas (Desert Storm, Somalia, Haiti,) that a lot of other, non-airborne (or "leg") units got to go.

Being a Airborne Combat Engineer is completely different than being one in a leg unit. We did a lot more unconventional, low intensity warfare tasks than a normal unit would. Typically, my unit would operate by itself, rather than support others. This kind of Engineer, one who uses unconventional techniques in a low intensity conflict, is known as a Sapper. Sappers are really sneaky, nasty people to have on your bad side. When you hear about boobytraps, car-bombs, and other misc stuff like that, it is usually done by a Sapper.

So what?
Another good question. Well, you can't stay busy all the time, right? So there are times where you actually sit still and think deep thoughts for awhile. Me, being the malleable person that I am ("User Friendly") I was exposed to certain ways of doing things, methods of behavior, and standards of living. I modified what I had discovered for myself during my younger years, and set the foundations for what I am now. Not to say that I don't continually revise things about myself, but basically what you see is what you get.

There has to be a point here somewhere....
And there is. The point is that I built up an amazing tolerance for the "Little Annoying Things" but a low tolerance for "Meaningless/Useless Garbage". I do what has to be done, in my own fashion, at my speed. I don't put up with small/closed minds, stupid ideas, or wastes of time/useless tasks. I am blunt, forthright, sarcastic, and intelligent enough to make a real nuisance of myself. But I get the job done in a quick and efficient manner, I am a team player, and am willing to put the group ahead of myself. Kind of Spartan Attitude, but what the hell, I like kids and small animals too. I don't go out of my way to hurt others, and will try to prevent harm from happening to them, but if something needs to be said, I will be brutally honest and say it. I would rather have someones feelings hurt, or a slightly bruised ego than have a complete failure of whatever task may be at hand. And I expect to be treated the same way.

Well, gee, I really didn't want to know that, but thanks anyway. So what do you do now that you are out of the military?
Right now I am currently attending the University of Louisville, and will be a Junior at the completion of this semester. Major? Undecided as of yet, nothing has really struck me as interesting. I work as a waiter to have some cash money, since the G.I.Bill barely covers my tuition and the Army College Fund doesn't put food on my table. That's life!

So what do you do for fun?
Well, as I said before, I am an adrenaline junkie. I like to Rollerblade, skydive (Gee, I wonder where I got that interest from?) Dance, Exercise, and drive realllllllllly fast. I am also a big Science Fiction Fan (imagine that! A SciFi person on the Web!) and like movies and television (Wow! An American that watches TV and goes to the movies!) My favorite show is Space: Above and Beyond, which is where Diablo Labs came from.

Y'know, I've seen that name before somewhere, just what is it?
When Space Above and Beyond first came out, I created the First Edition of the (un)Official Space: Above and Beyond Holiday Gift Catalog. Imagine my surprise when I became flooded with letters and item requests. So I decided, what the hell, why not try to make this farce a bit more realistic and create a company to produce these items? So Diablo Labs was born. Currently there is no REAL Diablo Labs, just this little make believe one, but you never know, a catchy name like that just may be snapped up sooner or later. The Catalog will be ongoing as long as I have the desire to maintain it.

So what's in store for us?
Got me, I just make this stuff up as I go along. Maybe when I get my head together you and me will both have a better idea.

A picture of me when I was stationed in Korea with the 2nd Engr Bn.