Alas, Gargoyles has passed on. However, in its absence, we shall never lose the power to love it, or, in my case, ridicule it! We always hurt the ones we love, right? Sure!
Well. What can I say. This is a pretty cool show, or I wouldn't be putting up a page about it, would I, you stupid git? NO! I wouldn't be! Cripes, what do I have to do to pound it into your heads? Oh, never mind...
Now then. As I was saying before my medication ran out (I'm much better now, thanks) I was telling you how much of a cool show this is. This is probably the ONLY Disney-made show I like. Or even tolerate. Or can watch without putting a pickaxe through the TV. I'm rambling again. Oy vey.
Stop me if I start blithering. Gargoyles is about this bunch of big bats that turn to carbonite in the morning, and then break themselves out at night. Haha, fooled you! NO! It's not about bats! It's about gargoyles! Gee, that took a lot of thought! DUH!
*THWACK* Okay, thanks. See, 1000 years ago, a Scottish clan of Gargoyles and a castle full of humans lived together, until one day they were betrayed by the human they trusted the most. Their castle was attacked by Vikings during the daylight and almost the entire Gargoyle clan was killed while they slept in stone. After the survivors exacted their revenge, Magus, the wizard of the castle, cast a spell on them that would hold them in stone until the castle rose "above the clouds." Magus did this believing the Gargoyles had killed Princess Catherine, whom he loved secretly. When he found out that Catherine was alive, it was too late.
In 1994, a multi-millionaire named David Xanatos bought Castle Wyvern and had it delivered piece-by-piece to his skyscraper in New York City and rebuilt on top of it. Xanatos, who had heard legends of the Gargoyles, wanted to find out if they held truth. Come nightfall, the Gargoyles burst from their 1000- year slumber.
Warning. The IQ level of this webpage drops sharply from here on in.
There's six gargoyles in the clan:
Goliath, the steroid-popping leader (oop, sorry).
Brooklyn, the prematurely graying gargoyle with the beak. He's also a walking hormone.
Hudson, the clan's past leader and present couch potato.
Bronx, the sort of family dog gargoyle... Who knows HOW he came to be...
Lexington, whom Jaxon on IRC described as "A scrawny, useless gargoyle that Brooklyn should order Broadway to eat." Seems fair.
And Broadway, the gargoyle answer to Chris Farley.
There are also other characters. (DUH) Like...
Elisa Maza, the object of our steroid-filled friend, Goliath's affection. A detective in the NYPD that doubles as target practice for Broadway.
Xanatos, the sometimes-evil sometimes-helpful antagonist of the series. Makes life hell for the clan on a daily basis. Also makes a delicious strawberry tart when drunk.
Owen, the servant to Xanatos that is the death of the party.
Puck, Owen's true form, an annoying little dude that turned everyone in New York into a gargoyle once. Puck is a little f... you know.
Demona, a nasty creep of a gargoyle that used to be Goliath's mate. She likes guns, big guns! (NO! Not that kind of gun, you naughty boy!!!)
Anthony Dracon, sort of a cross between a lounge lizard and a mob boss. Has a sort of entourage of hitmen resembling Eddie Murphy's.
Thailog, a clone of Goliath (Gee, Thailog is Goliath spelled backwards!) who looks a lot like a photo negative of him. Delightfully evil. Whee!
Dr. Anton Sevarius, our friendly neighborhood mad scientist. A geneticist with a nice god complex. Fun, fun, fun.
There's a group of villains that have fun being naughty people. They're called The Pack. The Pack consist of...
Wolf, the pseudo-leader that doesn't know the meaning of 'lighten up'.
Fox, who sorta shares leadership with Wolf... Well, used to, since she quit and married Xanatos. Hehe, can we say supermodel?
Jackal and Hyena, two very much insane twins that recently got turned into cyborgs. They're mad in ways I can't begin to explain.
Dingo, the Aussie of the group that looks like a punk rocker from the '80s and is sort of the least-popular of the group. I like him though. So NYEAH!
There's also Coyote, who is basically a tank in the shape of a very large wolf. Likes to get hit by trains and be sarcastic. Did I mention he also has a cyborg version of Xanatos' head shoved into his gut?
There's a few more characters worthy of note. Not many, though.
Matt Bluestone is an NYPD dick who was assigned to be Elisa's partner. God, he's annoying. His voiceover actor sucks, his plots are often shabby, and the only thing good he spawned was the Illuminati plots. It's sad to see him in action. Watch him try the "I'm the big tough detective" game and laugh.
Bonx. Bonx Bonx Bonx. So Bonx wasn't in the series. So what? Bonx was a popular bot I made for #gargoyles on IRC. They were all ungrateful shits, though. Bonx USED to be Bronx, but then Bonx dropped the R and claimed he had "killed Bronx. He knew too much." Bonx is evil incarnate. He's so cool.
The Pie Bazooka Man is a cameo guy who shows up in a lot of episodes, in the background. He's an annoying man who has no chance of holding jobs past a week. He also went postal on Goliath (who indirectly got him fired from every job he had) with a cream pie launching bazooka. It was surreal. Oh, and the pie bazooka man is shot to death in my fanfic. :-)
Anyhoo, that's all the other people I can think of on short notice. If you wanna see a lot of stuff related to the show, go to...
How many people have come to see me make fun of the gargoyles we all know
and love?
people, that's how many!