"Michelle's not sharing again."
"Michelle took my doll."
"Michelle poured water on my dress."
The teacher misunderstood her emotions and wrote her off as a
bully, punishing her harshly. Carol was finally summoned to school to
quiet Michelle's tantrums. This did not make her happy. "Do you know
that Mommy had to leave a job interview to calm you down, you selfish
brat!" she growled into Michelle's ear. Michelle scowled.
"They were making fun of me," she said scornfully. Carol's
expression softened.
"Just ignore them," she said softly. "They don't know what it's
like to be me." Michelle looked at her quizzically. "Us," she
corrected. Michelle looked at her w/the spark of love that was left and
hugged her fiercely.
"I'm sorry, Mommy," she said, ashamed. Carol squeezed her back.
"Be good," she said, and cupped her "daughter's" chin w/her hand.
"Mommy loves you." Her eyes suddenly filled wtih tears.
One rare day, Carol was struck with another bout of depression and allowed Michelle to go to the neighborhood park alone. "Look both ways twice before you cross the street," she reminded her. "And never talk to strangers. And don't go past the park. And don't--" "Mommy, I know!" Michelle said impatiently. She kissed her impulsively. "Now go to bed so you won't feel so sad, okay?" Carol nodded. "I'll be back before it's dark." She ran to the door, turning before she left, and waved. Carol automatically waved back and satisfied, Michelle left. Carol sighed and walked slowly to the phone, staring at it for the longest time. Finally, she picked the receiver and dialed numbers in a daze.
Michelle skipped down the sidewalk, careful not to talk to strangers like Carol said. She passed a solemn group gathering around at a cemetary, and paused. Quieting her conscience w/the fact that the cemetary was not past the park, she quietly walked closer to the group, ducking behind a tree. She could hear the minister now.
"As we send our brother off to the kingdom of heaven..." he said gravely. Michelle shivered. Heaven sounded very serious and not fun to her. She peeked at the group and saw two guys, one tall, one short, standing next to each other. The look on the taller guy's face Michelle would never forget. He looked as if he didn't think Heaven was nice, either, or God for that matter. Suddenly his eyes met hers, and Michelle froze. He stood there watching her while the minister droned on. The guy next to him followed his look and saw Michelle, too. He smiled sympathetically. Michelle flashed a smile back. The taller guy abruptly left his friend's side and walked up to the podium.
"I will never forget my father," he started. Michelle gasped. She didn't hear the rest of the speech as she started to weep. That was his father? She had often wondered about her father, who died before she was born, as Carol always said. This guy looked like he grew up with his father and maybe even moved out. Still, he died, and she could understand. The guy finished his speech and returned to his spot next to the shorter guy. He looked over at her, she looked over at him, and in that one look they were friends. Michelle smiled in understanding and left, waving to both of them. She turned back a moment later to see the fatherless son lift his hand to wave back. "Thank you, Kevin," said the minister as Michelle walked out of earshot. Kevin, she thought to herself. Bye, Kevin. She forgot about the park and walked home much more slowly than she had left it. "Mommy?" she said, walking through the front door. "Mommy?" She entered the kitchen. "Mommy!" Michelle crumpled next to her mother's bloody body and cried.