I walked into the ICU room and saw Ricardo laying on the
hospital bed, eyes open. My heart burst at the moment I realized that I
truly loved only him. I should have seen it sooner, I thought as I watched
another I.V. tube being changed from his arm. His face was pale except
for the rose color on his cheeks. His eyes seemed to defy the fact that
he was dying.
They were as bright as ever and browner than chocolate. I began to cry
again as I approached his once again traumatized body. It was the only
sound in the room after the nurse left again. We had all been through so
much. Ricardo had gone through great lengths to hurt Antonio and me the
way we had hurt him. His thirst for revenge was greater than anything he
had ever known, gobbling every sense of good reason he had ever possessed.
He's ruined Antonio's career and hurt us both to extremes. Yet seeing him
in such pain, once again, only propels me to once and for all realize what
I have…..what I had…..with him. My tears fall deeper as I think back to
what we have done to him. I know he regrets his actions as I regretted
mine…but now it's too late. Will he survive yet another blow to his already
severely beaten body and soul. I beg that he does…..I love him so much.
I turned to him and my heart stopped. His head was falling slowly to
his chest and his eyes began to droop. No! I almost cried. Don't die yet.
I haven't had a chance to say just how much I love you.
I thought it was in my head, but I could have sworn that he said,
"I know and I love you too."
I frantically looked around the room, angry that someone could play
such cruel joke at a time like this. Ricardo didn't love me. I had lost
his love. I lost it the moment I betrayed him. My eyes finally rested on
Ricardo's face.
I looked closer and I saw that he was trying to hide a smile.
"Ricardo?" I whispered. "Oh, please Ricardo, hear me." Then I began
thinking to myself, not one word coming from my lips. As I was half way
through, I heard Ricardo's voice join in and finish off the prayer I was
reciting in my head. What was going on? Before I could ask any questions,
Ricardo's brown eyes opened wide and there were tears in them. He started
to speak and I knew something was happening.
I could feel it in my heart. I started to feel the pressure in my heart.
The thumping so loud it was ready to break through. Somehow, I knew what
he was going to say….and the words were a mixture of joy and sadness.
"Gabi, from the day we met, I have been able to hear your thoughts.
I was surprised at first, then I realized that it was meant to be. We were
made to help each other.
I knew when you were sad and I loved to hear you when you were concentrating
on something I said. Like you are now. I can hear you asking yourself how
this is possible. ….that you can hear me in your mind."
Then he spoke outloud. "I'm sorry for what I did to you. I was so angry,
but I had no right. Do you forgive me? Can you forgive me Gabi?" His eyes
were pleading with tears as he fought to hold on.
I never left his gaze and held his hand to my cheek. "I forgive you
as I know you have forgiven me. This isn't the time to think about the
past….Ricardo, concentrate on the now…..the now that holds only you and
me. Baby, concentrate on that." I smiled through the tears I hadn't realized
were falling.
We talked and laughed and remembered all the old times, before we destroyed
what we had. We reminisced through the night and into the early morning,
until I eventually drifted off beside him, his heartbeat comforting me
and lulling me to sleep. I dreamed of when we met, how we flirted, how
we fell in love, how me made love, how we loved one another. I dreamt the
entire time, Ricardo present in every scene in my mind….I could feel my
heart overflowing.
As I awoke, my heart broke. I opened my eyes and looked at his dove-white
face and started to cry.
My best friend, my soul mate and the love of my life had died in the
night. I wrapped my arms around him as it finally hit me. My life with
Ricardo on earth was now over. His pain, his hurt, his anger, his rage,
all vanished the moment his soul left his body. I raised my tear weakened
face to his and gently planted a kiss on his lips, they were still warm.
A smile was still on his angelic face….he had died happy. He taught me
so much that day. Taught me that you could forgive everything and move
on. He taught me what love was. I thought I had learned of it before, but
I had not really known love until that day…..we learned to love again during
our final night together. I know he will always hear me wherever he might
be now. He was safe. And I know, everytime I pray or think hard, I know
he can hear me in the big blue sky. So I thought again, speaking to him
in my mind.
"Thank you Ricardo…..thank you for everything." And I knew he heard
me.
