Tim's review:

This movie fucking sucked my left nut.... actually, both my nuts.  After I saw this I wanted to pierce my taint with a six-inch barbell,  just to get my mind off the shitass flick.  Alright, you have William Fucking Wallace, who is not one to be fucked with..... the English couldn't, but wait..... his arch nemesis.... a fucking clan of aliens?  Sorry your son has to suck inhalers; what a nice twist to the movie.... and he collects water all over the fucking house.... that's nice as well.  You know what, I have no doubt in my mind that Mel will redeem himself, but for now, if you really want to go see an alien movie that made The Arrow shit himself, and me piss my pants, go rent Fire in the Sky, but if you want to watch a bunch of Ethiopian fly-snorting look-alikes, go see Signs, and seriously, compare the aliens and the shit-eating Ethiopians.

Rating:  1 out of millions of mysteriously captivating, incredibly stupid Ethiopians.

Nate's review:

This is probably one of top three or four films of the summer. M. Night Shyamalan makes these damn movies that are so eerily weird that you are freaked out until you take a shower. He's the new Hitchcock! In true Hitchcock fashion, he also does a cameo in the movie, playing the man who ran over Mel Gibson's wife. He freaks you out when he speaks and then drives off, sort of like Hitchcock would. You know though, somehow I get the feeling that Hitchcock was one of these guys that didn't drive himself anywhere. I just like to write "Hitchcock." Anyway, you will know what I mean when you see the scene in question. Mel, get away from that pantry! Hitchcock. No, but for real though, the pacing and editing of the film were expertly done to extract the maximum amount of anxiety from the audience without totally driving them nuts with suspense. Hitchcock! Wonderful performances by the entire cast abound. It's crazy how you can percieve so much out a character's head from an emotionless, straight ahead shot of an actor staring just above the camera and not blinking. A tribute to the Italian Neorealist ideal of the "cinema of duration," perhaps? Hell, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Hitchcock. A fine film and a must-see for all you summertime movie lovers out there. Hitch... boo.

Rating: 9 out of 10 life-size cardboard standees of Alfred that I have stored in my closet-- seriously.

Ryan's review:

I wanted to hate this movie. The Sixth Sense was good, but the ending was where most of the "good stuff" was. In other words, it could be passed off as gimmicky. Unbreakable was shit. I was ready to write off M. Night Shayayamayayalaan (whatever) as some cock shit who thinks just because his first movie is a huge success, he can start comparing himself to Nate's favorite word...Hitchcock. But he impressed me with this. The film is eerie and spirtual (maybe too much), but what I really appreciated was the way he scared us. The most jarring was a shot that looked straight off MSNBC. It was frightening and hauntingly real. Then came stuff from the Blair Witch, to yes even Hitchcock. Hitchcock, by the way, hated children. I say this not because I love the word, but because it is true. Could not stand kids.

Rating: 8 out of 10 alien thumbs off

Jason's review:

This movie kicked ass. I don't know as much about film shit like Ryan and Nate but I do know more about it than Tim but then again so does my two-year old cousin. Anyway, I really liked this movie. It was creepy but not really that scary. The part where the alien walks by at the kid's party kicks ass. Go see this shit, it is awesome. I got nothin' else.

Rating: 9 out of 10 kids that Hitchcock slapped after he died

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