"Come Home to Curtis Wells!"
[sung to "Come Home to Bonny Jean" from Brigadoon]
** Lyrics by Laurie Hutchison

Come Home! Come Home!
Come home to Curtis Wells!
Come home! Come home!A
You'll come home to Curtis Wells!

{Camera closes on a man lounging on a bench, his hat covering his eyes, his arms folded across his chest.}
A man was out to find a life!
But in Curtis Wells he found a wife!
And when she passed away, there was nothing here to make him stay.
When to town again he came,
The town he found was not the same.
So on a bench he stays, he came home to Curtis Wells!

Come Home! Come Home!
Come home to Curtis Wells!
Come home! Come home!A
He came home to Curtis Wells.

{Camera moves up to a bearded man in a shirt, a lovely brocade vest, leaning against a balcony rail, smoking a cigar.}
A man dropped by to rob the bank!
He met a gal who made him ache!
When she married another man, a gamblin' club he began!
Now the town is his to run,
Though he does it at the end of a gun.
After a business trip is done, he comes home to Curtis Wells.

Come Home! Come Home!
Come home to Curtis Wells!
Come home! Come home!A
He comes home to Curtis Wells!

{Series of camera shots on a blond haired woman dressed like a man, a tall gangy man in loose fitting overalls, a big beefy dude with long hair, a well endowed woman wearing an elegant dress.}
For Curtis Wells' the strangest town!
Fate jumps in to keep you around!
You're only passing through, but there's no where to go to.
And so in town you take your place,
Find a building and rent a space.
As long as your tax is paid, you are home in Curtis Wells.

Come home! Come home!
Come home to Curtis Wells!
Come home! Come home!
You are home in Curtis Wells!

{As the song ends, everyone gets up and returns inside various buildings, the last being the bearded man on the balcony. The man on the bench gets up and begins to slouch toward the well-pump in the center of town. If you didn't know better, you just might think those funny steps he's doing could quite possibly be a dance.... A song drifts through the air.}

"Singing in the Mud!"
[sung to "Singing in the Rain" from Singing in the Rain]
(sung by Newt Call)
** Lyrics by Laurie Hutchison

I'm singin' in the mud!
Just singin' in the mud!
What a dolorious feeling!
I'm broodin' again!
The sun doesn't shine
Since Hannah Call died!
I'm singin', singin' in the mud!

{Camera immediately cuts to a two-story building with a sign that says "Twyla's Sporting Club." Half dressed women hang out of the windows and begin to dance on the porch.)
"We're Just the Girls Who Won't Say No!"
[sung to tune "I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say No!" from Oklahoma]
(sung by Twyla's girls)
** Lyrics by Laurie Hutchison

We're just the girls who won't say no!
Drop by Twyla's and see!
With us, it's always, "Come on let's go."
We're here to do as you please.
When a fellow likes to kiss a girl,
We know she oughta give his face a wack!
But if he comes by to visit us,
We're surely gonna kiss him back!
We're just the girls who won't say no.
Pick one of us and see!
Half an hour is all that you need!
We won't say no.

{Camera cuts to an interior shot. Clay Mosby stands before the mirror straightening his tie.}
"I Feel Pretty"
[sung to the tune "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story]
(sung by Clay Mosby)
** Lyrics by Laurie Hutchison

I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright,
And I pity
Any man who isn't me tonight.
I feel charming,
Oh, so charming -
It's alarming how charming I feel,
And so pretty
That I hardly can believe I'm real.
See the handome man in that mirror there:
Who can that attractive man be?
Such a pretty face,
Such dandified dress,
Such a gorgeous smile.
Such a pretty me!
I feel stunning
And enthralling.
Feel like running and calling for joy.
For I'm loved
By a pretty wonderful man!
{As Mosby sings the last line, he winks at his image in the mirror}

{The camera follows Mosby down the stairs of the Ambrosia Club and out onto the streets of Curtis Wells where people are going about their business on the streets. Every person Mosby passes stops as they begin to sing....}
"Hello Mosby"
[sung to the tune "Hello Dolly, well, Hello Dolly" from Hello Dolly]
** Lyrics by Laurie Hutchison

Hello Mosby, well, hello Mosby!
It's so nice to have you back where you belong.
You're lookin' fine, Mosby,
Dandified, Mosby!
You're so charmin', rid us of varmin',
Keep us goin' strong.
For that tax we're payin',
Bad guys go a'hangin'.
When you're not here things are goin' wrong!
So! get back, fellas,
Austin's got a bat, fellas!
Mosby never go away again!

{Camera moves down the street to the church, where an older man with a beard is standing over a grave with fresh flowers on it.}
"Wishing Hannah Was Here Again"
[sung to "Wishing You Were Here Again" from Phantom of the Opera]
(sung by Josiah Peale)
** Lyrics by Laurie Hutchison

Wishing Hannah Peale was here again.
Wishing she was somehow near.
If she was here, things would be clear.
She gave the town its life!

Prostitutes and dark gunslingers.
That's no way to live.
Lots of mud and people dying.
The town just fell apart.

Wishing she were some how here again!
Hannah, you are sorely missed!
What will we do?
Since we're with out you,
The town's just gone to hell!

No more broodyness!
No more wasted lives!
No more fighting among the town's best guys.
Why can't we let you die?

{Camera sweeps back down the streets of Curtis Wells, busy with daily activity. Call is again lounging on his bench. Mosby is back on his balcony, looking out over the town. A man riding a penny farthing comes out from around a corner near the stable.}
"The Doctor's Song"
[set to "The Barber's Song" from Man of La Mancha]
(sung by Doc Cleese)
** Lyrics by Laurie Hutchison

Oh I am a merry doctor
And I go my merry way!
With my med'cine and my knowledge I can always earn my pay!
If my med'cine doesn't work
And you think I'm just a quack,
'Member Mosby protects his doctor;
You can't shoot me in the back!

{As Doc Cleese finishes, the camera returns to focus in on Newt Call as he is engaged in dialogue with a petite, blond haired woman dressed as a man. She seems to be upset as she whips away from him, walking down the street in something of a huff. Entering the gunsmith shop, she swings the door hard.}
"The Simple Joys of Maidenhood"
[sung to "The Simple Joys of Maidenhood" from Camelot]
(sung by Mattie Shaw)
** Lyrics by Laurie Hutchison

Where are the simple joys of maidenhood?
Where are all those adoring cow-ow-boys?
Where is Call pining so for me?
He broods his life away for me?
Oh, where are a maiden's simple joys?
Shan't I have the normal life a maiden should?
I've already been rescued in the wood!
Won't he please just admit to me,
Call has some feelings just for me?
Oh where are the simple joys?
Harmless, convivial joys?
Where are the simple joys of mai-hey-hey-hey-den-eh-ehn-hood?

{Camera moves in on Clay Mosby looking from his balcony down on Newt Call.}
"What's the Matter with Call These Days?"
[sung to the tune of "What's the Matter with Kids Today?" from Bye Bye Birdie]
(sung by Mosby)
**Lyrics by Buzzie Kelly

Call! I don't know what's wrong with Newt Call these days!
Call! He just doesn't have very much to say.
Call! He's a disobedient, disrespectful oaf.
Dirty, crazy, surly, lazy loafer,
And while I'm on the subject . . .
Call! I can talk and talk till my face is blue.
Call! But he still just does what he wants to do.
Why can't be like Austin?
Satisfied to obey?
What's the matter with Call these days?

{The camera moves back to settle on a loaded Wells Fargo Stage. A big man with long hair jumps dexterously up on the seat next to the driver. The stage begins to move forward, and Luther Root begins to sing.}
"I'll Be Back soon!"
[sung to the tune of "Be Back Soon!" from Oliver!]
(sung by Luther Root)
** Lyrics by Laurie Hutchison

Gotta go, but be back soon!
You don't know how much I'll miss ya!
The town gets in a rut,
When I'm not here to stir it up!
Gotta go, but be back soon!
Going out where danger's lurking.
Do not forget this tune
I'll be back soon!

They need me on the stage to save the passengers from danger.
Out in the wilderness there is nothing more stranger
Than crazy men who would try to rob this very stage.
So long, fare you well.
I'm off, here I go.
But I'll be back soon!
So long, fare you well.
I'm off, here I go.
But I'll be back soon!
So long, fare you well.
I'm off, here I go.
But I'll beeee baaaaack sooooon!

{As the stage rides out of town, the song fades. The camera moves back to return back to a gangly man wearing overalls standing on the walk in front of the Gunsmith/Undertaker's shop. Unbob begins to sing.}
"It's Your Funeral"
[sung to "It's Your Funeral" from Oliver! and "Poor Jud is Dead" from Oklahoma!]
(sung by Unbob)
** Lyrics by Laurie Hutchison

If you are about to hang
and want your coffin pain-ted blue,
It's your funeral. It's your funeral.
It's your. . . funeral.
You should see me before your death
To help me choose the ha-ah-ndles.
But it's your funeral.
No one else's funeral.
It's your. . . funeral.

{Camera follows Unbob as he walks into the undertaker's shop to see a body lying on a table.}
Poor Man is dead.
No candle lights his head.
He was shot in Mister Mosby's saloon!
'Cause He didn't have the right blood.
Red not blue mixed in the mud.
What is this with the color blue?

(spoken with a shrug)
But -
It's his funeral.
No one else's funeral.
It's his. . .funeral.

{The camera images switches to focus on a strange man standing near the tent city. He is tall and wears a bowler hat. His hands are in his pockets as he watches Clay Mosby walk down the wooden sidewalk to the Ambrosia Club, smiling at people he passes.}
"When I am a Rich Man"
[sung to the tune of "If I Were A Rich Man" from Fiddler on the Roof]
(sung by Ike)
** Lyrics by Laurie Hutchison

When I am rich man,
Yaha-deeuh-deeuh-deeuh-deeuh-deeuh-deeuh-dum,
All day long I'll biddy-biddy-bum,
When I am wealthy man.
I won't have to work hard,
Yaha-deeuh-buua-buua-buua-deeba-deeba-dum
When I am a biddy-biddy-rich
Yida-deeda-dida-dida-man.

I'll pay two big strong men to walk at my side,
And fight all my battles right or wrong.
No more will Newt Call pu-oosh me around!
I'll buy myself the finest clothes ih-in town.
And the women will swoon in my path!
Everyone will stare ah-at me in awe.
When things go wrong in town and people are afraid,
Even Mosby will seek my advice.
'Cause I'd be the wisest man around!
I'd own most of the property in the-uh town.
To me everyone will pay their rent!
I'll be able to charge just what I want!

When I am rich man,
Yaha-deeuh-deeuh-deeuh-deeuh-deeuh-deeuh-dum,
All day long I'll biddy-biddy-bum,
When I am wealthy man.
I won't have to work hard,
Yaha-deeuh-buua-buua-buua-deeba-deeba-dum
When I am a biddy-biddy-rich
Yida-deeda-dida-dida-man.

{The sun sets. Josiah Peale stands in front of the newspaper. Mosby is back on his balcony. Austin is on the porch of the Lonesome Dove hotel. Call stands at the well.}
"Oh, Hannah"
[sung to the tune of "Maria" from West Side Story]
(sung by Call, Mosby, Josiah and Austin)
**Lyrics by Buzzie Kelly

Call:
Oh, Hannah! I once knew a woman named Hannah!
Her father was quite rude,
Her brother was a dude.
Who cares?
She was in love . . . with me, just a guy from Lonesome Dove.
We made a happy home,
And then I ceased to roam.
Yeah, right!

Mosby:
She was Mary! Her name's not the same, but she's Mary!
I knew she was meant for me,
Although she couldn't see,
She was mine!

Josiah:
Young Hannah! That daughter of mine, my sweet Hannah!
She loved that cowboy Newt,
I guess she thought him cute.
Oh, well.

Austin:
Gee Hannah. My sister so perfect, t'was Hannah.
She never did do wrong
While I just schleped along.
That's life.

Call:
She kissed him. My precious young wife said she kissed him.
She knew t'was a disgrace,
I hit him in the face.
He'll pay.

Mosby:
Sweet Hannah . . . She's gone and burned up our sweet Hannah.
Our lives, forever changed.
Her father is deranged.
Oh, woe!

All:
Oh, Hannah. We ache for her still . . . our sweet Hannah!

{Darkness decends on Curtis Wells. The camera follows Mosby inside the Ambrosia Club where he leans over the rail to watch the active business below.}
"My Favorite Things"
[sung to the tune "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music]
(sung by Clay Mosby)
** Lyrics by Buzzie Kelly

Money and power and white shirts with ruffles,
Whiskey and cigars and probably truffles,
All the accoutrements prominence brings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When a stalker
From my past comes,
When I'm feeling sad.
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel . . . so bad

Winning at poker and playing with Florrie,
Thinking a woman named Hannah adored me,
Riding my horse with an elegant fling
These are a few of my favorite things.

When some crazies
Make me dig graves,
When I'm feeling mad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel . . . so bad

Dealing with Yankees and annoying preachers,
Handling Zander and other such creatures,
Having a conscience that gets in the way,
Things like that sure can make for a bad day.

When I'm blamed for
A mine cave in,
When I'm feeling had,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel . . . so bad

Keeping my enemies fighting each other,
Keeping bad secrets from Austin's crazed father,
Having young Peale to do my bidding
These are a few of my favorite things.

When I'm locking
Up poor UnBob,
Or just being a cad.
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel . . . so bad

{Camera focuses in on Austin who moves toward the well in the darkness, looking toward the lights of the Ambrosia Club.}
"Mosby"
[sung to "Maybe" from Annie]
(sung by Austin Peale)

Make one mistake.
Just look what it costs.
Mosby's a fool.
Don't know what he's lost.

I'll make him sorry.
Just you way-ait and see.
He would be nothing
If not for me.

Amanda and I,
Well, we gotta plan.
We'll take over town
And de-stroy that man!

It won't be very long
'Till I get my due.
Then he'll be the one who is lowly,
Mosby!

{Camera cuts to Amanda, standing in the tent city outside the bar. She wraps her shawl around her, as she looks up toward the Ambrosia.}
"All I Want Is a Room Somewhere"
[sung to the tune of "All I Want Is a Room Somewhere" from My Fair Lady.]
(sung by Amanda)
**Lyrics by Linda Barth

All I want is a room somewhere,
Far away from Clay Mosby's lair,
With low cut gowns to wear,
Oh wouldn't it be lov-e-ly?

In-side straight, that would be real neat.
Ace-high, full house, that can't be beat.
Clay living on the street,
Oh wouldn't it be lov-e-ly?

chorus:
Oh, so lov-e-ly, dreams of Mosby down on ben-ded knee.
I would make him beg and fol-low all of my vain decrees.

Lots of men bending to my will,
Lots of gold for my purse to fill,
And several dupes or shills,
Oh wouldn't it be lov-e-ly?
Lov-e-ly?
Lov-e-ly!

{Dawn breaks. All the people of Curtis Wells gather in the center of the town. Mosby and Call stand on the well, surrounded by Mattie, Amanda, Luther, Josiah, Austin, Unbob and Ike. Around them are the rest of the towns people.}
"Curtis Wells"
[sung to "Bali Ha'i" from South Pacific]
(sung by everyone)
**Lyrics by Buzzie Kelly

Curtis Wells was once sunny
And her streets clean and dry.
Things have changed, and now it's muddy.
Hear us cry, hear us cry.

Curtis Wells she pulls us,
None of us can let go.
Here we are, our hearts are battered.
Full of woe, full of woe.

       Our own special hopes,
       Our own special dreams,
       We still search for them,
       In the mountains and streams.

If we try, we'll find them,
Though they destroy our souls.
Here we are, melancholy,
Full of woe, full of woe.

Curtis Wells . . . Curtis Wells . . . Curtis Wells!

THE END!!