The Fornonian Dilemma

Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer and Alia were walking on a dirt road that went around Athens when Alia remembered she had to go and buy a leather pouch to contain the herbs she collected. Joxer was still trying out his magic, but to no avail. He just couldn't seem to get the hang of it. One time he turned himself into a slug and had a heck of a time finding Alia to change him back. He came so close to meeting Gabrielle's boot up close and personal. At any rate, Joxer could not persuade Alia to continue the lesson and wait on buying a new pouch.
"Sorry Joxer, I just cannot wait! Besides, we are near Athens already. I'll catch up," Alia said.
"Oh... all right Alia. Maybe if you take Argo..." Joxer agreed grudgingly.
"No. Argo stays with me, Joxer!" Xena retorted. She seemed edgy whenever Argo was brought up.
Joxer was taken aback. He couldn't continue his magic lessons, and Xena seemed mighty miffed at him.
Hmmm, what a horrible day he was having. So Alia took the left path at the fork in the road and Xena, Gabrielle and the sulking Joxer took the right path. After traveling for a better part of the morning, Xena left Argo with Gabrielle and went ahead a bit down the road. She met Autolycus, who was seemingly headed to Athens. He seemed a little disappointed upon meeting Xena, but suavely covered up by announcing that he was coming to meet her. Xena didn’t buy it one bit, but suddenly a large storm cloud encompassed the sky, and a violent wind began to blow. Xena came running back over a hill and shouted at Gabrielle and Joxer to start running back the way they came. Joxer didn't need to be told twice but Gabrielle waited until Xena arrived. Autolycus sped ahead of the pair, almost out running Joxer.
"GABRIELLE! I said RUN!" Xena shouted over the rolling thunder that began to sound over head.
"But what is it?" Gabrielle asked, trying to keep up with Xena.
"I don't know, but all I can tell you is that that is NOT a normal storm cloud!" Xena screamed.
Suddenly Gabrielle, who had been lagging a bit behind Xena was swept into the air. Lighting hit the center of the cloud and a vortex opened up. Xena heard Gabrielle's shouts for help, and turned, with only a split second of horror before she was also swept in. Joxer let out a small yelp as the unseen force dragged him in, and as he was passing Autolycus, he grabbed on, resulting in both being sucked up.

...And Joxer landed with a thud right on top of Gabrielle. Autolycus fell a few yards away in a big bush. He was knocked unconscious and no one seemed to remember he was there. Xena was already looking around their new environment.
"OUCH!" Gabrielle proclaimed, rubbing her aching back.
"Uh... sorry...," Joxer said sheepishly.
"Where is Xena?" Joxer inquired.
"Right here Joxer... We seem to be in…" Xena said from behind him.
They looked around. They were in a vast field, filled with trees and tall grass and a large odd looking tree that seemed to grow purple lemons...
"Where are we? I have never seen a tree that grows purple lemons before!" Gabrielle said in shock.
"I dunno but I am hungry!" Joxer proclaimed.
"I don't think you should eat..." Gabrielle started, but it was too late, Joxer had taked a large bite out of a hastily peeled lemon.
"MMMM! SWEET!" Joxer cried happily.
"SWEET!?!? Joxer it is a lemon!" Gabrielle said, annoyed. "Here!" Joxer shoved some of the lemon into Gabrielle's mouth.
"Wow your right! I wonder where it came from!" Gabrielle wondered aloud.
"From that tree over there!" Joxer said, matter-of-factly.
Gabrielle sighed. This was going to be some trip. Then she noticed something odd... When she thought about it, it was this way when they landed, but for some reason she never thought anything about it one iota until now.
"Hey Joxer... you look like a bird!" Gabrielle whispered, shocked.
"What? Maybe this lemon is poisonous! I'M GONNA DIE!!" shouted a crazed Joxer.
Then he looked closely at Gabrielle...
"Hey Gabby... um... I think it IS poisoned.. you look like a Bunny to me..." Joxer squeaked.
Gabrielle felt her head. Hair there as usual. Then she examined her hands... but they weren't her HANDS.. they were her PAWS... She gingerly felt around her head to discover she had no ears!
"AHHH!!! I lost my ears!!" she shouted.
"No you have big floppy bunny ears!" Joxer wavered. He was afraid to examine himself. He didn't want to be a bird!
Gabrielle reached up to the top of her head and felt the two long, floppy, downy soft fur covered ears. She wanted to SCREAM!
"Ahhh what is going on here!?!?" she said sickly.
Joxer was too busy finally examining himself to hear Gabrielle. He felt his nose. No nose, just a beak. He looked behind him... there was a fluffy white tail protruding from his rear. He had no wings, but his whole body, with the exception of his legs and beak were feathered. He also wanted to scream.
"Maybe... maybe we're dreaming.." he started.
"DON'T start that again, Joxer!" Gabrielle retorted. She was getting annoyed at this.
They looked at Xena who didn’t seem to notice her own change or hear their conversation. She was a strange white furred creature with large ears, claws, small wings, and a tail with three spikes at its base. She had a bright yellow beak, similar to Joxer’s but sharper.
"Um, Xena, you’re a, um, some kind of, uh, Griffin or something!" Gabrielle stuttered.
"Correction, she’s an Imp," a voice said.
"Ooooh!" Autolycus said, waking up.
"Who said that!?" Joxer cried.
"Me," said a Bunny, looking very similar to Gabrielle’s current form. He was wearing a large blue witchy looking hat with a yellow bead on the point, and red pants with yellow elastic. Of course elastic wasn’t around in Xena’s time. He seemed friendly enough, and very attracted to Gabrielle. He kept giving her silly looks. Reminded Xena of the kind Joxer was always shooting at Gabrielle. Which in fact he was doing now. The Bunny seemed to notice also.
"Um, you know she isn’t your species," he said, matter-of-factly to Joxer.
"What?" Joxer said, somewhat shocked.
"You’re the wrong species. What would the hatchlings look like?" the rabbit said, as if Joxer was a complete idiot.
"Well, where WE come from, we are the same species!" Joxer said indignantly.
The rabbit seemed annoyed and wanted to drop the subject. Then he saw Autolycus. He was a cat, his mustache turned to whiskers. His goatee was still there, however it was merely a splotch of dark brown fur that was longer than the rest. He gave Autolycus a funny look. What was a Cat doing traveling with an Imp and an Ostrich? That was odd.
"Look, we are very confused and lost, obviously. I’m Xena, and that is Joxer, Gabrielle and Autolycus. Can you help us get home?" Xena took the initiative as usual.
"Right. I am Bunny. I will take you to Star, the ruler of this planet. Please be careful though. We have to travel through the Griffin’s forest, and they like to snatch unwary travelers," Bunny said.
Joxer helped Autolycus up while Bunny gathered a hatful of purple lemons and promptly began walking across the long cool grass towards a forest about a mile away. Xena, Gabrielle and Autolycus began following when they noticed Joxer wasn’t also. He seemed to be looking up at the sky. The same dark cloud appeared and lightning flashed everywhere. Then Argo fell out of the clouds. She roared. Xena seemed disturbed. Argo was a big yellow dragon. She promptly made her way toward Xena, almost trampling Joxer and squishing several lemons. Bunny turned around to see what the commotion was.
"No time to wait for rogue dragons! She’ll kill you if you stand there. When they stampede they are rather dangerous!" Bunny shouted over the diminishing thunder.
"This isn’t a rogue dragon!" snapped Xena, "This is my horse, Argo!"
"Some horse, but at any rate, COME ON!" Bunny shouted.
They all began to walk again, Joxer in tow this time. Xena seemed relieved to see Argo. She was talking softly to her so that no one could get a word in edgewise.
"Now there’s a woman…er Imp that loves her horse… I mean Dragon," Autolycus sighed.
Bunny kept turning around to look at Gabrielle. He seemed completely taken in by her bunnyish beauty. She seemed annoyed.
"Sheesh, can you imagine anyone so infatuated with me?" she asked Joxer.
"Uh, um, no! Not at all… the.. nerve of him!" he replied.
Autolycus met a Mumink while passing through the forest. His name was Sampson, and he seemed very out of it. He was wearing a fist sized crystal ball with an amazing star inside. It seemed to glow by itself. Sampson seemed very tired but interested in Autolycus.
"Are you related to Joshua?" Sampson asked sleepily.
"Joshua? Look pal, I’m from another world! I don’t know any of your feline pals!" Autolycus snapped.
"Oh, well, good night!" Sampson said and ran up his tree and back to sleep.
With that statement Autolycus realized that there were three moons and no sun… how odd. He mentioned this to Gabrielle and Joxer.
"Hey, there is no sun and three moons. And did you see that Mumunk fellow?" Autolycus asked.
"Yeah, he was a Mumink, and I hadn’t noticed the three moons!" Gabrielle said.
The three moons seemed about ready to line up, in size order from least to greatest. It was very bright, despite the lack of sunlight, and the whole planet had a peaceful early morning light to it. However it was very warm, a little cooler than a nice spring day.
They finally arrived at the castle Bunny had said was on the top of the mountain. They had passed a road that Bunny said led into a mountain town, but they had no time to stop, as Star was said to request immediate conference with the new comers. Bunny told the medium sized two-footed winged dragon at the door, who was named Pithe. He wore no clothes but a belt which had one strap that went over one shoulder, diagonally. A spear was hanging from this strap, on his back. He nodded and told Bunny to go fetch Mookalaki. Bunny looked disgusted and muttered something about more Ostriches. Pithe took the group in to see Star.
They walked though the large anteroom and though a hallway which led to the throne room. Another dragon, about Pithe’s size was seated on the throne, dressed in a blue robe with white trim, and a matching hat. He had on a black cape and seemed rather gloomy. Upon seeing Joxer, however, he seemed very pleased.
"Ah! So you are the prophet’s Ostrich!" he proclaimed.
"What? Who are you and what are you talking about? Joxer is an ordinary person!" Xena spoke up.
"Hmm, I am Star, Ruler of Forn. What are your names please?" Star asked.
"I’m Xena, that’s Joxer, your "Prophet’s Ostrich", Gabrielle is the… Bunny, and Autolycus is the Cat," Xena supplied.
"Very good. You seem very strong, Xena. I am sure you will take to magic nicely. However, the Ostrich is the one that truly concerns us, and he seems weak, at least to start," Star mused.
"What are you babbling about? What is this Forn and why are we here, and why is that idiot so important?" Autolycus asked impatiently.
Star seemed amused. "Your Joxer is a prophecy here. It is said an Ostrich, powerful in magic, will come to conquer the Werebeast and restore peace to Forn. The magic summoned the vortex that dragged you here and will only re-open when you complete the feat. This planet is Forn, and you are our visitors. Joxer needs help though, which is why you three were also brought. His true powers are going to be hard to come by, as all great magic is.
"Mookalaki the Ostrich magician will be here soon. He and your Joxer bear much physical resemblance. Mookalaki’s powers are, however, limited compared to Joxer’s. We are trying to rescue the Five Elemental Fairies. We ask that you help. Joxer must be trained in his magic and then, and only then will he be able to remove my magic pendant from Werebeast. However, the Five Fairies are needed to immobilize him."
Xena was very disturbed. Magic was an odd art to her and not very strong on Earth. Star had volunteered to help Xena. He said Autolycus was good with stealth and sneaking and Gabrielle was good with healing. Her powers were easy to bring out. Joxer had to be trained by Mookalaki who still had not arrived. While they were waiting, Star placed out a magnificent feast, with all kinds of odd foods, including ‘sweet grass salad’, ‘purple lemon pudding’, ‘moon water’ and other various tasty items. Not any meat, mostly fruit and veggies, but all were very satisfying. Joxer seemed to take a liking to those lemons, which had a taste similar to lemonade… without the sugar and water added.
After dinner they were shown their sleeping quarters and left for the night. Gabrielle and Xena were sharing one room while Joxer and Autolycus were to share the other. Both rooms were connected to a large sitting room with some furniture and a large bowl or the purple lemons, pomegranates, star apples, moon fruits, and a large pitcher of moon fruit juice and some oddly tasty bright blue sticky cake. Gabrielle had taken out her scrolls, saying that she really had to write such an odd adventure down for safe keeping. Autolycus seemed oddly involved with grooming himself (more than usual) and Joxer was sitting on the floor stuffing his beak with the sticky cake. Xena was at the window talking to Argo, when Gabrielle’s quill broke.
"Great Zeus! Where am I gonna get another…" she shouted.
No one paid her any mind and suddenly she had an idea.
"Ya know, Joxer, your feathers…." She said, slyly sneaking up to him.
"Yeh Gabby?" he said with a hopeful look on his face.
"You’re feathers are JUST right for… *poink!* my quill!" Gabrielle replied, plucking a big feather from Joxer’s tail.
"OUCH!" Joxer proclaimed, hastily rubbing his rear and shooting Gabrielle an annoyed glance.
"Quiet you two, we should be getting to bed. Our… "lessons" start tomorrow. And if we want to get out of here, we best learn as quickly as possible," Xena said, walking away from the window and Argo.
"Xena’s right. My tail is picking up dust like you wouldn’t believe!" Autolycus sneered, futilely trying to rid his tail of dust.
"Oh, I don’t know, this stuff is good!" Joxer mumbled. Having gotten over his plucked feather, he had gone back to shoving the sticky cake into his mouth.
"Sheesh Joxer, you’d think you hadn’t eaten in a month! Anyway, I am a bit tired, I’m turning in." Gabrielle yawned. Joxer reluctantly put down the cake and followed the highly miffed Cat into their joint bedroom. Xena followed Gabrielle and carefully shut the door.

Morning came and Joxer didn’t want to get out of bed… But Autolycus hit him with his boot and he couldn’t get back to sleep. Mookalaki had arrived over night and Star sent him and Joxer off to the empty stable for Joxer’s lessons. Gabrielle was quickly taught the art of healing, and had already restored 2 near dead horses and a Pegasus with a bad burn. Autolycus grudgingly admitted over lunch that being a Cat WAS more of an advantage to his "King of Thieves" title. Xena had gone with Star very early in the morning to learn some slight magic, and with her previous training she was one of Star’s brightest pupils. She was easily done by lunch time and the trio sat and discussed their new found skills. Poor Joxer, however, was still drilling away the magic lessons in the barn.

Mookalaki was, indeed, an Ostrich of pretty much the same build as Joxer. The only difference was the clothes and the glasses. Joxer felt proud he knew what glasses were from his experience with Alia’s. Mook however was not amused. He was dressed in a purple and yellow flannel shirt and hat, with a red T-shirt underneath, dark blue pants, a yellow sash, and a green and yellow cape. He carried around a staff which had a Fornonian "S" carved into it. Mook seemed disappointed when he first laid eyes on Joxer. His agitation grew after the first hour or so of trying to teach Joxer. He was so hard headed. And he kept mentioning wanting a big Goose-egg omelet. Imagine that! Well, Joxer finally figured out teleportation after half the afternoon, and right before dinner mastered metamorphosis. After dinner he figured out how to control the elements, and right before bed he learned whatever it was that Mook couldn’t teach him. He was sitting there and something just "clicked". He could perform magic with such ease now! However he was very tired and went right to bed. Magic takes a lot out of a fellow.

Morning came and Star found the four in the sitting room. Their fruit had been refilled and a beautiful breakfast cake had been set out. Pineapple and moonfruit danish. Yum. Not as good as the sticky cake, Joxer told himself, but it would have to do.
"Tonight is our time to strike!" Star proclaimed, breaking them all out of their morning haze. "If we don’t strike tonight, Werebeast won’t appear for another month."
"What?" Joxer asked, puzzled.
"Here is the history on Werebeast: A month ago my magic pendant was stolen by some Bunny thieves. They looted the castle at night and with some fairly strong sorcery. They got away but dropped my pendant in the Griffin’s Forest. Sampson the Mumink found it, and put it on, and it curses anyone other than me who wears it. Every night the wearer turns into a hideous beast known as Werebeast, who’s pure evil. The pendant can only be taken from him when the three moons line up from least to greatest. That is tomorrow night! It only happens once a month. We must hurry and free the Fairies!"
Star explained in detail. Joxer was still confused but the others understood and filled Joxer in on the way. They were to go to a rock where some Sea Dragons were holding the Fairies prisoners. Their leader, Malisk, seemed to be planning some evil scheme with Werebeast and wanted him to stick around. Gabrielle healed their party when they were injured while Xena and Joxer warded off the Sea Dragons with their magic. Finally Xena grew tired and had to resort to her trusty old chakram and sword. Autolycus stole the keys to the strong but makeshift cage and freed the Fairies. The Sea Dragons tried to follow but the Fairies could all float away, and Joxer teleported the others and himself out of there. When they returned, Star asked everyone to assemble in the sitting room. A sky blue creature with blue gray blue hair and large ears, and pink stomach and wings with yellow insides, was sitting waiting for them. Star introduced her as Dewdrop, the Wizard Fairy. After much talk, the plans had been made to trap Werebeast and recover the pendant. It seemed very easy after all this work, the four thought.
The four rested until mid evening and went out to join Star and the Fairies. The Five merged with Dewdrop to form one very powerful Fairy, and they waited. On schedule, Werebeast appeared to attack the castle. He was a hodgepodge of various species, rattlesnake, Mumink, Cat, dragon... He also had large wings, and was attacking by air. However, as he approached, the mass Fairy let out a mighty surge of power, hitting Werebeast. Xena threw her chakram, powered by a little magic from Joxer, and clipped one of his wings, causing him to fall rather heavily on the ground. The Fairy kept shooting Werebeast and after he stopped squirming so much, Joxer carefully went over and removed his pendant. The Fairy stopped its barrage of magic and returned to the six original forms and in a bright flash and a loud screech, Sampson was back to normal and no longer Werebeast. Joxer returned Star’s pendant, who happily placed it around his neck, and thanked the four.
They spent one more night on Forn, and though Star offered to set up permanent residence, they kindly declined and asked to be returned to Earth. Star replied that Joxer would have to do that, but once returning to Earth, their powers would almost totally diminish. Joxer seemed sad, but they all agreed that Greece could be their only home, and so Joxer opened the portal and off they went. Joxer was sad at the thought of losing most of his powers, but at least he would have one heck of a story to tell Alia when they got back!