After Alia had bested Ares in the field, they walked back, once again, down that dirt path. It was about mid morning now. Earlier Joxer had seemed a little dismayed at the fact that Alia had inherited some sort of power from each of them. He had reasoned that Xena could give Alia her warrior strength and strategy and Gabrielle had her "pure soul" as he put it, but he couldn’t find anything for himself. The three females assured him that he had SOMETHING which after a while he seemed to accept but not totally seem at ease with. At any rate, they had awoken with the dawn and resumed their journey, and Joxer was running along ahead of Gabrielle, Xena and Alia, doing whatever it was that Joxer did. He reminded Alia of a little kid. Heck, she thought, he was cute enough. Xena and Gabby (Somewhere along the way Joxer had called Gabrielle "Gabby" and so Alia absent-mindedly started, also) didn’t seem to notice either of the things. If only she wasn’t his VERY far distant descendant… and quite a bit older than she.
"OUCH!" Joxer proclaimed as he fell out of sight into the long grass.
Arriving on the scene they found Joxer sprawled out in a ridiculous position with a strange looking bag under his feet. Turned out it was Alia’s canvas duffel bag. She was very pleased to have it back, and was surprised to see it because she had forgotten all about it, what with her arrival to Ancient Greece and Ares and all. Joxer couldn’t leave well enough alone and began to rummage through the bag. Alia had her Discman, her clarinet, several school books (which she hadn’t seemed too happy to find and quickly discarded) some pens and pencils, a large pack of loose leaf and some copybooks. She also had a turkey and cheese sandwich and some cookies. She quickly took inventory after Joxer had finished and slung the bag over her shoulder. The quartet resumed their journey.
"So where we going, Xena?" Alia asked.
"Northward. There’s a river up ahead that will take us to Athens," Xena said.
"What are we gonna do in Athens?" Alia wondered aloud.
"We’re gonna visit a friend," Xena replied and would say no more on the subject.
Alia wondered who they were gonna visit and what she was going to do with these new found powers until there was a familiar flash and the vengeful face of Ares in front of them. Alia and Xena quickly resumed battle stances and Joxer was grabbed by Gabrielle who didn’t want him to get in the way.
"Well well, look who’s back!" Xena said, a horrible grin spread across her face. "Can’t seem to KEEP AWAY, eh?"
"Xena, Xena. Well, can’t say I’m especially happy to see you. But I’m here for the girl," Ares said.
"Ares! She just defeated you! You want a rematch!?" Gabrielle asked, stunned.
"No, I’m here to take the little twit’s powers. Unfortunately to do that, I have to steal her whole body. Now, stand aside!" Ares bellowed and he shot Alia with a strange beam of light.
"Aoooouuuch!" Alia complained.
Joxer, who had been passive up to this point, decided that it would be best to save Alia now. He made a valiant attempt to charge Ares, but ended up tripping and falling right into Alia and the beam.
"YEOWCH!" Joxer cried.
"You FOOL!" Ares barked.
Suddenly there was a horrific flash of light and what seemed to be an explosion. Everyone was thrown to the ground, and Ares disappeared.
"Ouch…Everyone all right?" Gabrielle asked when the light had subsided.
"Ooooh…. Yeah. Joxer?" Xena asked, rubbing her head.
Alia sat up. "Yeh?" she asked.
"Nono, not you, Joxer," Xena said, a little annoyed.
"Yeh? I am Joxer," Alia retorted, also a bit annoyed.
Xena just stared. Gabrielle was looking around and found Joxer and was helping him up. Alia seemed confused and looked around. When she spotted Joxer and Gabrielle she screamed. More of a startled, confused scream if anything. Xena looked thoroughly baffled. Gabrielle and Joxer looked over at Alia, and Joxer seemed very annoyed.
"Joxer?" Joxer said to Alia.
"Yeh…. Alia?" Alia said back.
"What the…" Xena and Gabrielle said in unison.
"Looks like Ares got his spell a little mixed up," Joxer said.
"What!?!?" Gabrielle exclaimed.
"Well," Joxer said, "I am actually Alia, and that is Joxer."
They all looked at each other. Presently Joxer (in Alia’s body) stood up.
"Hmmmm…" he said, flexing his wings, and seeming totally intrigued.
"Ahhh… this is weird being a guy!" Alia said.
"Hey I want my helmet!" Joxer said.
"So… you’re Alia and that’s Joxer and you two switched bodies because Joxer originally got mixed up in that beam of Ares…" Xena managed to get out.
"Right," Alia said.
"So, why don’t you just switch back?" Gabrielle asked Alia.
"Because, my powers go with my body, which is why Ares wanted it," Alia frowned.
They all looked at Joxer. He was dancing around trying to fly, but getting caught up in his tail a bit, and dropping his helmet, and picking it up, and dropping it again. He looked over at the three.
"Ooooh great. This is going to be fun!" Xena said rather testily.
"Well well, looks like THIS time, You’re the goof up!" Discord clucked contentedly at Ares.
"Shut up, Discord. I’m not in the mood!" Ares snapped.
"All right, okay. So maybe that plan didn’t work either, but that Joxer guy certainly can’t use Alia’s magic, so it you try to do something now, there’ll be no one to stop you," Discord said.
"Why, of course! Now, what devious thing shall I do?" Ares mused.
"Well, why not try to lead the whole world into war, like your original plan?" Discord said.
"Yes. Yes that will do nicely," Ares remarked, and went off to assemble a few warlords and armies.
Back in the meadow, Joxer had actually learned how to get airborne, but hadn’t quite figured out the art of landing…
"Ooooh…. Watch my… er… your face! I’d like to have one LEFT if we ever get our own bodies back!" Alia shouted after Joxer as he made another crash landing.
"Maybe you should call it quits for today, Joxer!" Xena called.
"Good idea, Xena," Gabrielle said. "Let’s go get some lunch!"
"So Alia, were you serious that I have your magic powers now?" Joxer asked, mystified.
"Yeah Joxer. Unfortunately we can’t reverse Ares spell without teaching you how to use the magic," Alia sighed. This was going to take a long time.
They went to the next town down the road and met Xena, Gabrielle and Joxer’s friends. They turned out to be Hercules and Iolaus, which Alia thought were both rather charming. The quartet briefed Hercules and Iolaus on the happenings of that morning and they agreed to help if Ares came back looking for some trouble.
"So… You’re him?" Iolaus asked Joxer.
"No, I’m Joxer," Joxer replied.
"That’s what I meant," Iolaus said.
"What?" Joxer asked, confused.
"No, I’m Alia, he’s Joxer," Alia said.
"Right, you’re him and she’s you?" Iolaus said.
"WHAT!?!?" everyone exclaimed.
"Ugh, I don’t know!" Iolaus cried.
"Anyway, we should get out of here in case my brother comes back. There are too many innocent people here for a good fight anyway," Hercules reasoned.
"Good thinking Hercules," Gabrielle replied.
So the troop made their way to a nearby river and set up camp for the night. It was only early evening, but they were getting tired and wanted to figure out how to teach Joxer how to use Alia’s magic. It took a while for Alia to explain the whole magic situation and it didn’t seem to work anyway. Xena was the only one who vaguely understood. Alia had to explain throught "gut feelings" which aren’t the best to explain. Anyway, after an hour of trying they decided to cook a little supper. Then they sat around and made a little idle conversation before bed.
"Ares will probably try to get us when we’re sleeping," Xena said. She was always cautious.
"Well, I’ll keep first watch," Hercules offered.
"But Herc, you’ve been up since before dawn!" Iolaus said.
"Fine, I’ll stay up. We’ll need your strength, Hercules," Xena said.
Gabrielle, Joxer and Alia were in their own little group having pointless chit chat. Alia had been playing her clarinet, a little earlier, accompanying Joxer on his lyre. They had picked one up at the town and were having quite a good time. But now they were just talking and Gabrielle was rather confused about the whole body switching and Alia and Joxer were trying to explain it to her. At least how it FELT to be another person. Xena hadn’t been too clear the last time it happened to her, and since this was the second pair of people she knew that this happened to, she was really curious.
"It’s really weird. Like… It feels pretty much the same, but then when I look at my hands…" Alia started.
"MY hands," Joxer interrupted her.
"Their mine right now!" Alia said indignantly.
"You are BORROWING them right now!" Joxer stated, matter-of-factly.
"No. Right now this is my body. Until we change back," Alia said.
"You’re just jealous," Joxer said.
"Jealous of what?" Alia asked, getting annoyed.
"Hey, come on you guys! But I mean… what’s it like to… umm… Well…" Gabrielle said.
"I’m taller," Alia said, standing up.
"That’s not what I meant," Gabrielle said.
"Oh, well, this is kinda cool, being taller and all," Alia stated.
"Ergh, my hat doesn’t fit right," Joxer said, fiddling with his helmet.
Alia tapped her baseball cap onto which she strung a piece of cloth so it made a veil around the sides and back, kinda like the Arabian-style headdress.
"Mine fits just fine!" Alia said, because she had adjusted it to fit on Joxer’s head (or her head, however you want to look at it).
"I don’t like these… what you call em?" Joxer asked, trying to adjust Alia’s glasses which had gone crooked from the non fitting helmet.
"Glasses," Alia said, and then yawned.
"Yeh, me too, Alia. Come on Joxer, let’s all go to bed now. If Ares shows up we’ll need lots of rest!" Gabrielle said. She kinda felt left out in a weird way.
Well, they all went to bed but Xena. She woke Hercules half way through the night and they switched posts. The night was very uneventful. They all awoke with dawn and got some nice fish for breakfast. Xena caught them of course, with Hercules. Alia didn’t seem to like fish for breakfast so Joxer got her some berries. She thanked him and found some spare cloth to help him with his hat problem. They decided to stay at the river and wait for Ares to come. Unfortunately, it rained that day.
"So Alia, you cannot use your magic at ALL?" Xena asked.
"No, all my magic is in my body, which Joxer has right now," Alia said for the fifth time it seemed.
"Well, try again to teach him," Gabrielle said, and looked at Joxer.
"Joxer, try thinking of something that makes you really happy, really sad… really mad?" Alia said.
Joxer thought of Jet who had always been the family pride and joy. Didn’t work. So he thought about Gabby. That didn’t work. So he thought about how WET he was getting standing out in the open next to this infernal river, and by Zeus, he was mightily peeved. But, alas that didn’t work either.
"No use!" he sighed.
"You know we can’t change back til you learn, Joxer!" Alia said, sadly.
"Aw man! This really is not a good thing!" Joxer sighed, exasperated.
"Hey, Her…" Iolaus started.
Suddenly Ares appeared with Discord. The rain didn’t so much as moisten them. This made Joxer rather mad. He hated it when his hat got wet…
"Kid, I want another round!" Ares snorted at Alia.
Joxer seemed amazed. Ares KNEW they weren’t in the right bodies. He was in big trouble now…
"Hey Ares, why don’t you pick on someone your own size!" Alia called. Which was stupid. What could SHE do? But she felt sorry for Joxer.
"Huh! Fine!" Ares scoffed, and sent Alia against a tree.
"Ouch…" she said.
"HEY! Ares!" Hercules called.
"UGH. Hercules. Can’t leave well enough alone, eh!" Ares said, disgusted at the sight of Hercules. So they did their little kicking each other ten feet and over into the air until Ares got wise and sent a few dozen soldiers after Iolaus. That should keep them busy, he thought.
Xena ran to help Iolaus also, because Gabrielle was with him at the time.
That left Joxer and Alia at Ares’ mercy. Which wasn’t very big at this time.
"Well, you know what I want. If you just surrender, everything will be VERY painless!" Ares said to Joxer.
Joxer was shaking in his boots—er sneakers—and Alia was still hurting too much from that tree bashing to do anything. So Ares preceded to trade bodies with Joxer, and Joxer was standing there, looking like the god of war and very afraid.
"Ares! What the…!!!!" Alia shouted, rubbing her head.
"Will you PLEASE get out of here?" Ares sighed and shot her towards the tree again.
"Ooooooooh…" Alia said, very dizzy and very angry.
"Hey!" Joxer exclaimed.
He tried his hand at magic again and this time managed to throw Ares towards a rock.
"Hey watch my body!" Alia muttered.
"Sorry, but… I used magic!" Joxer exclaimed happily.
"Yeh, well, not for long!" Ares said, coming straight for Joxer. "Now for a test run of these pow….OUCH!"
Alia had ran straight for Ares and pushed him into the river. He stepped out and threw her against another tree. This infuriated her, and she stood up to Joxer’s full height and bellowed, "ARGH! Sorry Joxer, I was wrong! Seems you DO have some magic powers… and now I am gonna USE them!"
She threw a blazing beams right at Ares, hit him straight in the chest and sent him flying. He knocked into a rock, and while he was trying to recover, she switched them all back the way they had been. Ares, very upset, grabbed Discord, who had been hiding under a bush, and flashed out.
"Whoa!" Iolaus said, coming back with Hercules, Xena and Gabrielle.
"We saw the whole thing! That was… amazing!" Gabrielle said.
The soldiers had vanished shortly after Ares had gotten Alia’s body. Seems he was a little too cocky. Luckily he never did get to use Alia’s powers.
"Wow. I never… thought I could do that before!" Joxer said, switching hats with Alia.
"Yeah.. I only realized that you had the power when I got really mad!" Alia said.
"But how come I never.. I mean.. I couldn’t even use YOUR powers!" Joxer sighed.
"Well, seems like you were in the wrong trade!" Hercules piped in.
"Looks like you DID contribute a WHOLE lot more to Alia’s powers than you thought," Gabrielle added.
Joxer looked proud. Xena congratulated him. Hercules and Iolaus took their leave.
"We really had some fun, Xena, Gabrielle, but we have to get back to the town. There is a shipment of magic potions coming in and we want to make sure they don’t fall into the wrong hands," Hercules said.
"We could use the help, if you want to come along," Iolaus added.
"That’s okay," Xena said. "We’ve got to keep moving. I hear there’s trouble further down the river."
"Joxer, you coming with us?" Gabrielle asked.
"I don’t know. Is Alia?" Joxer replied.
"Yeah, I got no one better to travel with," she said.
"Yeh, then I guess I will. Maybe I’ll learn how to use my magic with Alia’s help," Joxer said.
And so the two groups wandered away in opposite directions in the mid afternoon sun, Joxer quite proud and telling Xena, Gabrielle and Alia what he’d do to Ares if he ever learned how to use his powers.