There is no reason at all for life to be boring just because you cannot remember you had fun. Your heart remembers. Your sense of self remembers. Your body sleeps better. Your stomach digests better. That is why it is important for your parent to have plenty of things to do, instead of just being stranded in an endless timeless zone of nothing happening.
For many people, life with Alzheimer's is soooooooooooo boring. It does not have to be like that.
Remember: you need only get something organised. It is up to the person you care for to decide either to join in and/or to enjoy it. The most important thing about any activity is not whether time is being filled, it is whether the person is being filled with a sense of enjoyment, emotional connection and reward.
It is important to think about this when considering activity programs available in your area. It is on the whole an excellent idea to involve your parent in any available program, since it will give you a break. However, the real purpose of all good Alzheimer's programs is that they give opportunity for people to make connection with each other.
There is no other valid purpose in activity programs except to help create an environment in which these supremely lonely and challenged people can make meaningful contact with each other. And they do. Even if two demented people are sitting together, each following an entirely private monologue and not apparently quite listening to each other at all, meaningful emotional sharing may well be taking place.
Pick a good program. A good program does not come from money or beautiful surroundings, though these would be good to have, but from emotional and spiritual meaning. Emotional -- a supportive, kindly, respectful environment with no patronizing, infantilising or lowest common denominator collective activities, like bingo. Spiritual -- not a reference to any religious content but to an environment which recognises that this person is a heart-whole human being with needs beyond the everyday and the mundane. It also offers the highest quality teachers, performers and group leaders, knowing that those with dementia deserve the best, not the least. The best because they are people who have long years, a full life and much experience within -- and they need the most talented help available to reach within them.
ART: The great thing about Alzheimer's is that people forget self-judgment, so some can become artists who never were before. You can try this at home, using any kinds of non-toxic art and coloring.
BAKING: Baking with a person with Alzheimer's is like baking with your child. Simple recipes, a lot of supervision and eating the cookies as soon as they're ready -- that's what works. Suggested goodies might be muffins, cakes, cookies, quickbreads, waffles, pancakes. Easy, good to eat, comfort foods.
BOOKS: Books continue to comfort those who have always loved them. Even if they do not actually read any more, having books around is reassuring. Having books read is a great luxury -- short stories only, please. Do continue getting library books.
COOKING: Keep it simple -- make sandwiches together, chop veggies (supervise knife), toss salad, make grilled cheese sandwiches. Watch familiar recipes being constructed -- probably some steps will be missed without your tactful intervention. For those who loved to cook, this can be very soothing. The feel of the familiar eases the spirit.
DANCING: People who liked dancing usually continue to do so, if given the opportunity. Those feet still know how and it will bring a smile to your parent's heart. Get some music from the person's young times -- and don't underestimate when those were. Aim for the music of the years from 18 to 25 years-old.
DRIVING: You drive, your person rides. The best tranquilizer, mood changer, cheering-up routine easily available.
GARDENING: Simple repetitive tasks can work wonderfully well. Sweeping leaves keep some older gentlemen busy for months, if not years. If you encourage weeding, don't be attached to what gets weeded. Even skilled gardeners often cease to differentiate between wanted and unwanted little plants.
HELPING: The act of helping can be so soothing and consoling to someone who feels useless, inadequate and a failure so much of the time.
-- hold open a plastic bag while you put things in it;
-- empty the dishwasher;
-- sweep the floor or patio or yard;
-- feed the cat or dog;
-- cut coupons out of the paper.
HOUSEWORK: Some people are very comforted by continuing to do household tasks, even when they are badly done. Be accepting of poor standards and just allow them, even if you have to wash the dishes again later. So what as long as it kept your person amused for a while? Watch for silverware being thrown into the garbage, by the way. It happens. Don't expect the tasks to be successful as housework, necessarily. Linear tasks become difficult -- for example, setting the table is hard. There are too many steps to recall. Wiping a surface, sweeping the floor, can be soothing. Just don't be attached to perfection.
MUSIC: Enjoying music is something which also remains a pleasure. Be sure to have the person's favorite music around, especially for quiet times or even for those sad moments when it would be comforting. You might put together a tape of such music which could be played at night to help the person sleep, to help pass time during the day, to rekindle longterm memories which you could talk over.
PETS: Even if your the person has not had pets in the past, this might be the time for one. It can be very consoling and nurturing for someone with Alzheimer's to build a new relationship with a pet who has no judgment or attachment to who your parent used to be. Pets take you for what you are and make few and easy to understand demands. They love you no matter how imperfect your memory.
QUIETNESS: Remember that peace and quiet may be what your the person longs for sometimes. Too much television, too many activities, may overwhelm. It can also be true that it is frightening to be alone. Many people with dementia are too anxious to be able to stay in a room alone. Leave a door open to the room you are in.
VIDEOS: One Alzheimer joke is that, when a person has Alzheimer's, you only need ONE video!
However many you need, a video can be a good way to entertain. Either a favorite movie, or a recorded TV show, or -- as one family devised -- a video of the whole family talking to their grandmother, introducing themselves by name, telling her how much they all loved her and thought about her. If you make a video in this way, keep it down to half an hour. Longer periods of concentration can be too hard. Remember, it can always be repeated. Good subjects for video -- animals, nature, classic American movies, nothing too harsh, fast or frightening.
WALKING: Walking is necessary for health, exercise and emotional well-being. A great many people with Alzheimer's self-medicate their anxiety and fear with walking and they should not be prevented from doing this. Walking should be a regular part of daily routine and could well be something that friends, relatives or neighbors would help with.
This has been a long answer, but it really is at the core of good caregiving. Hope it helps.
Do you have a question? e-mail Frena Gray-Davidson and she'll answer your questions by return e-mail. And some will be posted here.
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