I have struggled on and off for 22 years with panic, anxiety, and agoraphobia. They are all just ugly words and shouldn't be allowed in the dictionary. Well, unfortunately, this is reality and I have to deal with it - as best as I can. I know that the Lord walks with me daily and gives me the strength to continue on.I have been married to a wonderful man for almost fifteen years. I can't believe that he has stayed with me through all of this mass confusion. He has watched me enter at least 15-20 different hospitalizations. My last hospitalization included ECT. The one thing that I had always said that I would never do, but according to my family and my doctor - I was in such a deep depression, that they felt that this was the only alternative. I had my brain fried with God only knows how much voltage 6 times. My worst experience!!!!
I came home only to find out that alot of the things that my family mentioned, I had no recollection of. So I spent about three months trying to put the puzzle together and try and find out what lead up to this. I did put the puzzle together. It was all certainly traumatic for me. I have learned now that the things that I cannot remember are obviously better left behind. I will never re-live them. This was in February 1997 and I have pretty much been stuck in my home since.
Even though I have the illness - I am grateful for many, many things including the greatest gift of all - my eleven year old son. I will continue to work daily on getting my freedom back, because I believe with all my heart that anything worth having is worth working for.
Feel free to write, if you need a friend.
Last Updated: January 22, 2000
