TIMOTHY
by
Marian MacNeil, C.HT.

During this meditation I was blank of mind. Just enjoying total relaxation and a peaceful mind. Then! Suddenly I am floating in space like a ball of energy! I begin to move to somewhere but do not understand where, yet. In current physical, I feel woozy. I realize that I am a unit of energy "seeing" from the front of this unit moving over water at a fast rate of speed and very close to the water. I see only water and sky as I continue moving forward in an easterly direction. I see an old ship with big sails cutting its path in the water. It is a wooden ship with a narrow front that has a big carved statue of a lady on it. The ship cuts its path in the water very quietly up and down through the waves. there are five big sails which are open on three tall poles. Can see the lookout post on the tip of one of the large poles as I approach this ship which is traveling in the opposite direction from the way I am speeding.

I get the feeling this ship is going to the "new world." After watching the ship nearing me the scene changes. I become a young lad on this ship! Seems I am an orphan who sees high adventure aboard a ship traveling to the new land very exciting. I have heard stories out on the streets. At present I am standing watch in the lookout nest eager to see where I am going. I am an eleven or twelve waif from England. Having no family I decided to stow away on this ship heading for the new world. After the ship had set sail and was a ways out to sea, a sailor found me and took me to his Captain. The Captain seeing this clothes-tattered waif, decided to watch over me rather than throw me overboard. I was really scared when the sailor found me! The Captain walked around me looking at me, teasing me. He ordered some clothes which were too big. The men cut the pant legs and sleeves of the shirt short so they would fit me better. I had a rope tied around my waist to hold up the pants but the legs were baggy as was the shirt. Th captain feels fatherly toward me and seems to enjoy the diversion of me being on the ship. I am not the first waif to ever stow away on a ship to the new world though I am the first one to do so on this ship. I cannot help much on the ship so I become the lookout sailor and I clean the big deck each day.

I have light brown hair and ware a black cap. I use a telescope piece to see far ahead of the ship when I am in the crow's nest on "watch". There is nothing but water, sky and the hot sun. I love the Captain like how I think a boy would love his Father. I never had a father so I don't know what having a father is like. At this moment I am happy and full of glee. I pretend I am with my Father sailing to the new world to make our fortune! My name is Timothy. The other sailors treat me with compassion for they want the favors from the Captain also. They all work hard and the Captain treats them well.

The captain is an old Spirit. Deals fairly with all. He is a lonely man having never married or had children. Has a beard of white and hair to match. The captain is a robust man with a belly on him. walks around with his thumbs in his wide black belt. Has a pipe which he holds in his teeth. Seems he is left handed. ( This fact surprised me currently, noticing that type of small detail!)

His cabin is near the front part of the ship. There are maps on a table, books on the wall shelves and an oil lamp hanging on the wall near the pointed end of the ship. A small but cozy cabin. It has a bunk bed, table, two chairs and bookshelves. He made a bed on the floor by the corner with a pile of blankets for me. He felt I would be safer there than out with the other sailors in their area. When in the cabin I can feel the ship cutting through the water. It is here where I sit and listen to his stories of high sea adventures during his early sailing days. Now he travels the ocean carrying cargo to the new world. Not a lot of excitement but a nice time for reflection of his life's activities. He admits he is tired of high adventure and just wants to sail peacefully between the two worlds.

The Captain lived a full young life. Cares for me a lot. Sees HimSelf in me when he was a lad. He feels sorry I am alone at my tender young age. There are many boys in London like me. I left lots of waifs behind. The Captain, this is what I call him, would have me take a blanket up to the crow's nest at night, wrap mySelf up and watch the stars. He wants me to understand freedom and rights for mySelf. To feel the expanse of the open sea. He hugs me like a big Father would. He has a friend in Boston who will help me and care for me in the new world!

I am the first to see land while up in the crow's nest and I yell "Ahoy! Land ahead!" What joy to see the new world for a small young boy! My imagination overwhelms me with thoughts of what I will do there as I grow up to be a man!

I don't want to leave my Captain. I want to sail with him but he thinks I would do better in the new world with his friend. I cry. The friend lives by the docks in a white two story building. The stairway is on the outside of the building going up to the living quarters. There is a big warehouse underneath. The house looks out past the docks to the open sea. A cobble stone street runs along the front of the house, between it and the docks. I can see horse and buggies from the window upstairs. The lights on the street are gas lights which you light with a torch in the evenings. It makes the area look mysterious at night! I seem to be sad now. The ship has left and I am alone again even though I am with the Captain's best friend. He says he will teach me his business. He too, has no family and seems to take me in like a son.

I see mySelf older now. I work in the business learning all I can, earning money now for my work. I always look forward to seeing the Captain when he drops sail right in front of the warehouse.

On the ship the Captain taught me to drink rum and smoke his pipes. I miss the sea and its open freedom. He wants me to settle down and not be like him. He wants me to have a family and a wife to love. The captain wants all the things for me he did not have in his lifetime. Just like a Father would toward a son.

Time passes and I see my dear business friend died and left me his business. I have many ships come to my port docks and I bring the cargo from the ships to my warehouse and distribute the goods to the public. I make much money and am happy to a point. I still would like to sail again. But that is truly a hard, lonely life and one would be away from the family too much. So, I work on the land. Maybe some day I will make a trip with the Captain. This does not happen for there was no one to run the business in my absence.

Now I see I am married. My wife is very sweet and good to me. Her name is Elizabeth Anne and is from Boston. I have known her for sometime now, we saw each other on the streets as we grew up. She was shy, pretty and I liked her. Strange feelings would always happen when I would see and talk to her. Sometimes, I could not remember when I didn't know her! I call her Annie. We have two fine sons. No girls, though I would like Annie to have a girl to be truly fulfilled as a mother. We never did have a girl. My boys help with the business and we work well together. The Captain comes often and tells my boys the high sea adventures just as he told me.

I now see my son, Arthur working in the cargo business with me. My other boy, Bobbie goes to sea with the Captain. He will own that ship someday so says my Captain. We have a room in our home upstairs for the Captain and he will live with us when he no longer sails the high seas. He is teaching Bobbie to take over for him.

I know there is more to life than what I know about in this life but I must work hard and put off my search for life's meaning for another lifetime. I must take care of my family and be content. I give goodness to those I know and meet. Am a fair and just man in my dealings. I do not take advantage of anyone and know when they try this on me. Seems I am a smart business man and a forward thinker.

My Captain now dies, how sad I feel. He has given me so much this life, so much knowledge which I use everyday. I loved him like a Father. There was a very strong tie there. I bury the Captain at sea as he wished. He wanted eternal freedom, not to be put in the ground. I took him out in a dinghy and dropped the casket over the side of the boat into his beloved sea. I cried for him a long time out there in my little boat. My grief was great. When I arrived home it was very late at night. Annie was very, very worried for me, I should not have stayed out so long. In my grief I not think about the tide taking me further out to sea than I was at that time. Some captain I would have made!

I lived that life knowing there was more to come in some way that I did not understand. I was a lucky one this lifetime! I had much to be thankful for and appreciated everything I received and learned. I had come a long way from being an orphan on the streets of London, England those many years ago.

I still read a lot and write some about my life using the Captain's feather pen. I write late at night using the oil lamp from the Captain's ship quarters to see with. I have all his books in my bedroom where I spend quiet time, my study time. My bed is a high, four poster mahogany bed. There is a fireplace which makes the room warm and cozy during those Boston's wintery nights. Annie and I sit by the fireplace a lot, talking. There is also a fireplace in the kitchen/sitting room. The walls are white as are the curtains which cover the windows made up of small panes of glass. My wife cooks in the kitchen fireplace using a big cooking urn which hangs in the middle of the fireplace. We generally eat soups and stews along with Annie's homemade breads.

I never knew the Captain's real name for I always called him Captain. When I was little he looked like such an imposing, huge man. I always respected him. Everything I know, I learned either from him or our friend or from life experiences which evolved out of these associations. I was unschooled but I was smart as a whip! I had a lot of time to learn to read and write on board ship for it took a long time to cross the ocean in those days. I was always eager to learn and please my Captain. I know all the sailors who come to port. They visit me and my family often. Bobbie Lee is making a fine ship's Captain. He has made our Captain proud and I know the Captain still sails with Bobbie, in spirit.

I die an old man, myself. My wife is here and I am in my big bed with the fire going. I just slip away from old age. Am content and leave my family well off. Annie has been such a good wife to me and I love her very much. Am glad now that I did not sail and leave Annie alone, and maybe I might never had the opportunity to marry her. I cannot imagine my life would have been without my Annie. We needed each other. My boys are fine men. They went to school and are smart. They will work well together. One on land and one on the sea in a family business which will continue to grow by their hands. The boys will take care of my Annie just fine. They adore their Mother.

I go now to join my Captain for he is here waiting for me. I can "see" him. I know that I will see Elizabeth Anne again someday. Annie is sad I am leaving but I am old and tired and it is time for me to continue on with my Spirit's journey. I have not thought about this in a long time but I know the time is now. I will miss my family but I will be near to protect them and give the urges they might need in the future to continue their business growth. Good bye my Annie! I love you and the boys!


This was the first lifetime where I reviewed the whole lifetime. I have had other total lifetime reviews. A very interesting experience, indeed! These recalls feel so real one forgets it is a recall. One experiences a duality where during the recall you relive the thoughts, emotions, physicality of that past life while, for me anyway, I know I am typing, looking, feeling the recall and I know I can open my eyes anytime I choose.


Back to Past Lives Link Page

Home Page