Farewell

Author : haruka

Pairing : tetsu x hyde

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Author's notes :

The saddest thing i've ever written in my entire life....i was in an extremely bad mood when i was writing this fic so i guess my emtions got reflected on this fic ne.....i hope u guys won't get depressed after reading this...

 

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The road is far and long,
But I still walk on my barefoot.

In this coldness, I try to look for tomorrow,
You are not there¡K¡K

Even though I have never said this,
But I¡¦ve always missed you so much.

Now comes a blow of a breeze.
If I can be as gentle like this breeze,
I¡¦ll be able to protect you.
You will never feel any pain
Anymore.

Although it may be nothing,
Still, I open up my arms¡K¡K

A bird flies in the big wide sky.
If I can have the courage of the bird,
Please tell me,
Will you always be there
To love me¡K¡K¡K¡K


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The sky is clear and blue. It is so clear that not a single cloud can be found. The sun is like a crystal ball, warming up the land yet there are still gentle breezes caressing over the place. On this beautiful, sunny afternoon, everything looks so still and quiet.

He closes his eyes, even hiding under his sunglasses, he can still feel the rays from the sun hitting on his face. The flowers that he is holding are making it difficult for the man to reach for the cigarettes in his pocket.

  ¡§ Ne, yukkie, gimme a hand here,¡¨ he hands the flowers to the man who is standing right beside him. He pulls out a cigarette from his cigarette box and tries to light it for the first time this entire afternoon.
  ¡§ He won¡¦t like it, hyde.¡¨ Ken says who is standing on the other side as he tries to take away the cigarette from the man¡¦s hand. ¡§ See, even I¡¦m not smoking myself.¡¨
Hyde gives out a sigh, ¡§ I¡K¡K¡K¡¨
¡§ It¡¦s ok, I know how you feel right now.¡¨ Yukkie turns to hyde, tries to force himself to smile at him. ¡§ It¡¦s hard¡K¡K¡K¡¨
Hyde looks at yukkie, speechless for a moment, and he puts his cigarette back to where it belongs.

  The three members of L¡¦Arc~en~Ciel had been waiting, with or without patient. ¡§ It¡¦s their family time,¡¨ they thought, so they decided to wait for a while. Not long after, a woman stood up with tears still in her eyes, accompanied by her husband, walks towards them. She gently wipes her tears away.
  ¡§ Hideto, long time no see, and ken kun, yukihiro kun too.¡¨ The woman says, looking at the three of them.
  ¡§ Yes, really long time no see, how have you been?¡¨ hyde replies politely and the three of them bow their heads slightly.
  ¡§ Oh, I¡¦ve been better. Although it¡¦s been quite a long time that he¡¦s not with us¡K..¡¨ tears start to drop again. ¡§ Please excuse me.¡¨
  Followed by an awkward short moment of silence. The old man on her side continues, ¡§ I¡¦m sorry, she¡¦s just not herself right now.¡¨
  ¡§ We totally understand, please don¡¦t feel sorry or anything,¡¨ yukkie says, looking at the other two men beside him.
  ¡§ Yes, yukkie¡¦s right. It¡¦s ok,¡¨ continues by ken.
Still, hyde doesn¡¦t know what to say right now except to nod his head.
  ¡§ Well, kids, go talk to him right now, I¡¦m sure he really needs you.¡¨ Says the old man. ¡§ My wife and I will take our leave, please take care.¡¨
Hyde closes his eyes again as he hears what the old man says, he can feel his heart starting to beat more quickly. It is mixed feeling of both anger and sorrow. He is still silent because his brain is drawing a total blank.
¡§ We will, thank you and please take care of yourselves too.¡¨ The three of them bow again as they see the couple walking towards the gate.

Now, it¡¦s only themselves.
  ¡§ Yo, hyde, take this.¡¨ Yukkie hands the flowers to him. He accepts them hesitately.
  Slowly, hyde turns around and the three men, all dressed in suits, precede their way towards the grave that says,
     ¡§ Tetsuya Ogawa, 1967~2000¡¨

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

  Hyde can feel his hands shaking as he is holding the flowers. He walks uncomfortably in his black suit as he tries not to stumble on his way.
¡§ You ok over there?¡¨ ken asked, looking at hyde, worried.
¡§ Yeah¡K¡KI guess.¡¨ Hyde says as he swings the flowers up to his right shoulder. He sighs again and says, ¡§ How many times have we been here?¡¨
¡§ It¡¦s been quite a long time ne, ken chan?¡¨ yukkie says.

It has never been easy for all of them, especially for hyde. God knows how much he miss tetsu, his tetsu, every time when hyde thinks about tetsu, a slight smile would always appear on his face. But hyde remembers how many times, he would wake up in the middle of countless nights, finding the total emptiness beside him. Crying, then he would cry himself into his sleep again. He longs for the touch of tetsu, but the only time that hyde can still feel tetsu are only in his dreams. Every night, hyde would see his beloved tetsu smiling at him, holding him, kissing him, giving him comforts like he had always did for hyde. It is just like heaven where hyde would forget all of his sorrow and pain that he has to face everyday. Only he wishes that the dreams would never come to an end. Just let he be in tetsu¡¦s arms forever and he had nothing more to ask for¡K¡K¡K¡K
¡§ Tetchan, why did you have to leave me?¡¨ hyde would ask him every time when he is being held in tetsu¡¦s arms. But there is always no answer.
¡§ Please say something, tetchan. I¡¦m so scared and I need you. I can¡¦t live by myself like this. I just can¡¦t¡K¡K¡K¡¨ warm tears that cannot be controlled, start to slide upon his cheeks. Slowly, hyde can feel tetsu slipping away, disappearing¡K¡K¡K
¡§ No, please no. Tetchan, don¡¦t leave me here¡K¡K¡¨ he starts to panic, holding out his arms, and trying to grab back the already transparent image of tetsu. Every time it would turn into a nightmare, again and again. Sobbing turns into crying but his tears can never call back his tetsu, never¡K. ¡§ Tetchan¡K¡K¡¨

Still, hyde cannot believe that tetsu had left them for almost a year. His life has been miserable. He can¡¦t really remember how many nights he got drunk and he can¡¦t believe that he¡¦s still alive. Without tetsu¡K¡K.

¡§ Here we are,¡¨ ken interrupted hyde¡¦s thoughts. ¡§ Same as usual.¡¨
So many different flowers are already neatly put in front of the grave. Hyde exams for a short while and slowly put his flowers besides all the other ones. He forces himself to smile because he doesn¡¦t want to show up in front of tetsu looking so sad, but he fails every time. Just when thinking that tetsu is lying under this cold grave in front of him is giving hyde such a heartache. Sometimes hyde would still think that it is just a joke. Tetsu can¡¦t be just lying there, doing nothing. He can¡¦t do that. All his promises and all the things he said¡K..¡Kare gone. Fly away like ashes, disappearing into the sky.

All of them are silent right now. They closed their eyes, standing in front of where tetsu sleeps. In their minds, they search for words that they want to say to him.
The air is still and all the breezes have seem to stopped.
¡§ We miss you there¡K¡K.¡¨
¡§ We¡¦ve all missed you so much, but we are doing alright. Don¡¦t worried about us ne.¡¨ ken says, picturing tetsu smiling back at him.
¡§ Tetchan¡K¡K¡K¡¨ nothing more comes out of hyde¡¦s mouth. How strange he doesn¡¦t know what to say to him. It is just simply too hard for him but all hyde has to say are already being said in his dreams, to tetsu.
¡§ Don¡¦t you have anything to say to tetsu?¡¨ yukkie kindly asks hyde, looking at him, puzzled.
¡§ I¡K¡K.I don¡¦t know what to say, really¡K.¡¨ Hyde wipes his cheeks with the back of his hands. There are tears on his face. Just like usual, he fails to stop his tears.
  There are millions of things that hyde wants to tell tetsu, but every time he doesn¡¦t know where to start. He¡¦s even scared to look at tetsu¡¦s grave.
After a while,¡§ Well, then. I guess we should get going. We don¡¦t have much time .¡¨ ken looks at hyde and gives him a pat on his shoulders. ¡§ Let¡¦s go¡¨
Ken starts to walk his way slowly towards the gate and is followed by yukkie. They know that they should leave some space for hyde.
Hyde stands there for a little while, all alone by himself.

  ¡§ I love you, tetchan.¡¨

He starts to walk again, trying to catch up with ken and yukkie.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


    ¡§ Hahaha¡Kstop it tetchan, you are hurting me¡K..¡¨ hyde giggles, trying to push tetsu away from him.
    ¡§ But I¡¦m just getting started here!¡¨ tetsu whined as he comes closed to hyde again. ¡§ Come on¡K¡Kjust gimme a kiss right now¡K..¡¨ tetsu whispers the words into hyde¡¦s ear. He can feel his body getting hot as hyde is slowly coming up to him, kissing him on one of his cheek and working his way to his lips. Tetsu is enjoying the pleasure that hyde is giving him. <<< this small devil¡K¡K>>> tetsu would giggle in his mind. Finally, hyde¡¦s lips meet tetsu¡¦s¡K¡K.

    Suddenly, tetsu¡¦s cell phone rings¡K¡K
    ¡§ Damn it, bad timing!¡¨ tetsu jumps out of the couch but hyde tries to pull him down. ¡§ Sorry hyde, I need to get it.¡¨ And he quickly runs up to his phone.
    ¡§ Baka tetchan¡K¡K..¡¨ hyde isn¡¦t too happy as he looks tetsu leaving from his sight. He sighs, looking at the clock. ¡§ It¡¦s already 10:00 pm, can¡¦t somebody just give him a break or something?? ¡§ hyde talks to himself sourly. Even though hyde and tetsu are living together right now, but they actually get very little time together. ¡§ this sucks¡K.¡¨ Hyde thinks and he feels like he¡¦s acting like a little kid who is always asking for more candy. Ever since he¡¦s in love with tetsu, hyde feels he¡¦s becoming more and more like a spoiled little brat who is never getting enough. He smiles on his idea, thinking that it is nothing but only tetsu¡¦s own fault.

    ¡§ Gomen ne, haido, I need to get going right now¡K.something¡¦s came up, at work,¡¨ tetsu says as he is putting on his shirt. ¡§I¡¦m going to the studio, hontou ni gomen! ¡§
    ¡§ What ?? Right now?? It¡¦s already 10:00 pm, what more do they want from you??¡¨ hyde stands up with a hurting expression on his face. ¡§ lemme come with you¡¨ he looks stubborn.
    ¡§ Just stay home and wait for me. It¡¦s won¡¦t be long but I don¡¦t want you to come with me.¡¨ Tetsu is almost all dressed up.
    ¡§ Why not?? It¡¦s my job too! you can¡¦t just run off and do all the stuffs yourself.¡¨ Hyde feels terrible, not only because of tetsu¡¦s leaving but also because of the way tetsu¡¦s always keeping the job to himself, treating hyde like an unnecessary character.
    ¡§ I just don¡¦t want you to get all tired , and besides you won¡¦t like those boring meetings.¡¨ Not even looking at hyde, tetsu is looking for his keys.
    ¡§ How do you know that I won¡¦t like those meetings?? Why are you treating me like this? I know you¡¦re the leader of laruku, but don¡¦t you think that it is just a little selfish for you wanting to do all the jobs while you just want me to stay at home and wait for you??¡¨ hyde doesn¡¦t really know where all the rage comes from all he knows is that he¡¦s hurt.
    ¡§ I don¡¦t understand, haido. Why are you so angry?? And keeping all the jobs to myself?!?! What the hell are you talking about?? ¡§ tetsu is getting a little weary.
    ¡§ All I¡¦m saying is that you are always out there doing your stuffs, and what am I doing?? All you want me to do is stay home and write songs!¡¨ hyde¡¦s voice is getting a little louder every time.
Feeling like a slap on the face, tetsu¡¦s eyes focuses on hyde¡¦s face, trying to figure out the hurting expression that is giving out by hyde. ¡§ But isn¡¦t that what you want to do? Haido, isn¡¦t it?? I thought you like doing that¡K..¡¨ tetsu starts to raise up his voice too, hurt. He comes closed to hyde but he is still puzzled.
¡§ I don¡¦t want you to think what I like to do because it¡¦s not important! I¡K¡K..¡¨ hyde doesn¡¦t know how to say. ¡§ I should be doing what I¡¦m supposed to do and I¡K...¡¨
¡§ And I say that you just stay at home and do what I tell you to do.¡¨ Tetsu interrupts hyde, demanding, which is something that tetsu doesn¡¦t do too often, especially to hyde. ¡§ Oh, god, I don¡¦t have time for this right now. I really need to go.¡¨ Tetsu picks up his keys on the dining table and walk his ways towards the door.
¡§ But I¡¦m not finished here,¡¨ hyde says desperately. ¡§ You won¡¦t understand¡K¡K.¡¨ Hyde lowers his voice.
¡§ Look, haido, I¡¦ll come back as soon as I can, than we¡¦ll talk about it than ok ??¡¨
Without waiting for hyde¡¦s reply, tetsu walks out of the door, locks up the door and walks his way to his car.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It¡¦s eight o¡¦clock right now, and sun lights start to appear, shining through the curtain of hyde¡¦s room. He wakes up, finding that tetsu hadn¡¦t returned yet because the other side of the bed is empty and usually tetsu would be still besides him right now. Hyde yawned, still angry at him but feels sorry and guilty at tetsu for thrusting out his anger at him last night. Hyde didn¡¦t do anything after tetsu left him, all he can remember is that he unplugged all the telephone cords, turned off his cell phone and just threw himself onto the bed, forcing himself to sleep. He didn¡¦t feel like to be bothered by anybody so he decided to shut off all the contacts to the outside world as much as he possibly can. After a long while of tossing and turning on the bed, he finally fell asleep. Hyde remembers that he had a dream last night, but all he can recall about the dream is that he saw tetchan. Doing what? Hyde doesn¡¦t really remember but he thinks that he had tears on his face in the dream. The dream doesn¡¦t really give him a good feeling so he decides just to forget about it.
Since that hyde isn¡¦t that angry anymore, he feels like talking to tetsu, and also to apologize to him for his over-reaction last night. After thinking about it, hyde thinks that he just wants to spend more time with tetsu. He probably just got a little jealous over tetsu¡¦s work. << that¡¦s a stupid idea, getting jealous over something like that¡K..>> hyde thinks.
Hyde decides to go to the studio this morning because he figures that tetsu is probably still there, working on his stuffs. << just to pay him a little early surprise¡K.>> hyde smiles, getting dressed and all prepared to leave. He checked his watch and it is only 8:30¡K..<<oh boy, I¡¦ve never been so quick¡K..>>  Having stupid fights like that just makes hyde feel guilty, especially when tetsu is his poor victim. Hyde wishes that he can just fly to tetsu and tell him how sorry he is. Hyde doesn¡¦t feel like arguing with tetsu anymore.
He quickly grabs his keys and leaves his apartment. Then he rushes to his car, hoping that he will be able to catch up with tetsu at the studio. Hyde steps on the gas pedal, trying to drive as fast as he possibly can, which is something that hyde would not normally do. But after a while, the stupid traffic jam of the Tokyo streets is starting to give hyde a really hard time. <<Maybe I should give him a call first>> hyde thinks, but because of his rushing, he forgot to bring the cell phone along with him. <<damn it!! And now I can¡¦t even go back coz I¡¦m totally stuck in the middle of the road¡K.>>
   All frustrated, but there is nothing that he can do except to wait and keep his fingers crossed. Stopped by another damned red light, hyde pulls out a cigarette and lights it. Then he pulls out another one, and another one¡K¡K¡K
Finally, hyde¡¦s car is free of the traffic jam after 40 minutes and the studio is almost there. Hyde starts to get a little nervous. << What if tetsu is still mad at me??>> big question mark appears in his mind. And now, hyde really feels regretful. Carefully, hyde parks his car and starts to walk towards the entrance of the recording studio where the members of L¡¦Arc~en~Ciel usually work.

¡§ Ohaiyo!¡¨ hyde says as he steps into the office. Strangely, there is no reply. The office is dark but it is already pass 9:00. << how weird¡K¡K>> a creepy feeling starts to crawl in hyde¡¦s mind. ¡§ where the hell is everybody?¡¨ he asks himself. Still the room is as silent as it can be. So he decides to walk right to the studio which is located further in. <<there ought to be somebody there¡K..>>hyde really hopes. The room is filled with a strange feeling, hyde feels cold and he is getting a little more worried as he walks closer to the recording studio. ¡§ tetchan..??..ken chan¡Kuh..anyone there??¡¨ hyde calls out, feeling his palms getting wet. The emptiness is giving hyde cold sweat and he really really hates this kind of feeling

¡§ Haido san?? What are you doing here??¡¨ a voice rises up behind hyde¡¦s back. ¡§ Aren¡¦t you supposed¡K..¡¨without letting her finished. ¡§ Good, there is someone. But can you tell me where is everyone? Why is there no one working today??¡¨ hyde pours out his questions, looking puzzled at the girl who works for the office.
¡§ But aren¡¦t you supposed to be at the hospital right now, haido san. What are you doing here?¡¨ she has a weird expression on her face and a strange voice. Looks like she just cried.
¡§Huh?? What are you talking about??¡¨ hyde looks at her, an ominous feeling rises up.
¡§ Oh my god, haven¡¦t you heard??¡¨ tears start to flow again from her eyes..¡¨ I don¡¦t know how to say¡Kbut¡K...but, tetsu san is at the hospital right now. He just¡K..¡¨
¡§ What?? What are you talking about?? How come nobody told me?? But why is he at the hospital right now?? I don¡¦t understand¡K..¡¨hyde starts to panic, and suddenly he remembers that he unplugged all his telephones and cell phones. No wonder nobody could find him. He looks around, ¡§ How did it all happen? Is he sick or something?? Tell me!¡¨ hyde starts to shout at the girl whose tears cannot be stopped.
¡§ I¡K¡K.I¡¦m not too sure¡K.all I know is that tetsu san had a car accident this morning.¡¨ she¡¦s scared by hyde¡¦s sudden reaction. And that is all she can tell hyde.
¡§ oh my god, how can this happened?? Tell me which hospital he¡¦s at and¡K¡K¡¨, hyde is interrupted by the entrance of the other man.

¡§ Haido, what the hell were you doing?? I tried to phone you all morning but I couldn¡¦t find you!!¡¨ ken rushes into room, and grabs hyde by his arms.
¡§ Ken chan, I¡¦m sorry. But I was¡K¡K¡¨ after seeing ken, hyde feels a little bit secured but he can¡¦t control his fear anymore. He starts to cry¡K¡K..
¡§ We need to get to the hospital together right now¡K..we don¡¦t have much time here¡K¡K¡¨ ken looks tired, bad and really bad.
¡§ What are you saying?? Is it serious?? How is he?? Please don¡¦t tell me that he¡¦s¡K¡K¡K...¡¨ hyde can feel that his heart just stopped beating after hearing ken saying that.
¡§ I¡¦ll tell you on the way over, now we really need to go¡K..¡¨ ken rushes hyde to the direction of the door and doesn¡¦t say anything anymore to hyde.
¡§ Remember, keep your mouth shut to the media and press ok?¡¨ ken turns around and tells the girl who is helplessly standing in the office all by herself.
Hyde quickly follows ken¡¦s steps and tries to calm himself.

   ¡§ Please tell me, ken chan¡K¡K¡KIs tetchan dead?¡¨

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

¡§ Tell me, is he dead? Is tetchan dead?¡¨ hyde runs in front of ken, stops him from walking to the entrance door.
¡§¡K¡Kof course not! Tetchan is still alive of course.¡¨ Ken replies but hyde can still feel a little hesitation in ken¡¦s voice.
¡§ But is he badly hurt? Can he still walk, or ..?¡¨ hyde cannot stop himself asking because he is just so worried.
Ken looks at hyde and he gives out a sigh. ¡§ Just let us get into the car first, then I¡¦ll tell you.¡¨ Ken looks serious and he points out to the door and says, ¡§ there are already a bunch of reporters out there waiting at the door so we better hurry to the car.¡¨
Hyde nods his head still with tears in his eyes and he put on his sunglasses that he found in his jacket.
Without saying anything to the people waiting outside the entrance of the studio, ken and hyde finally manage to get themselves into the car that is already standing by. It is chaos and hundred of questions are being asked. Hands pushing and many people are stumbled over the others. Hyde is so sacred but he could only keep his mouth shut although he just wants to scream out loud to tell them get out of the way.

On the way to the hospital, hyde tries to calm himself with the cigarette offered by ken. But the total silence in the car is killing him. Finally, ken breaks the silence.
¡§ Ahem¡K..haido, I need to be honest with you right now. The situation is not good, not good at all.¡¨ Ken looks at hyde and he continues, ¡§ tetchan is badly hurt, really badly hurt. His spine was crashed in the car crash and the chance for recovery is very slim.¡¨ He closes his eyes after saying one of the most terrible thing that he would ever have to tell hyde and he is afraid to look at hyde for his reaction.
Hyde feels his blood froze in his body and he absolutely doesn¡¦t know what to think at this very moment.
¡§ Now I need you to listen to me, haido. This is very hard, but I still need to tell you. Tetsu he¡K¡K¡Kthe chance for him to survive is not looking too good, even if he does, he may never walk again.¡¨ Ken who has always been so calm can¡¦t control his emotions anymore, tears start to build up his the corner of his eyes. ¡§ I¡¦m really sorry that I have to tell you this, haido.¡¨ Then he finally breaks into a cry.
Hyde cannot believe what ken just said to him. he grabs ken¡¦s arms and he starts to shook his head. ¡§ No¡K¡K.you are kidding right? This can¡¦t be happening. I don¡¦t believe you.¡¨ Hyde bursts into tears again. ¡§ Ne, please tell me that you are just kidding, please ken chan. Don¡¦t do this to me. I¡¦m begging you, please¡K¡K¡K¡¨
Ken, still crying, ¡§ I wish that it is just a stupid damned joke, but it isn¡¦t. It¡¦s true¡K..tetchan is really lying there¡K¡KI saw him, just lying there¡K¡¨ ken wipes his tears from his face, his voice shaking. He turns around and he holds out his hands to hold hyde in his arms. Nothing more are to be said from that moment on. Hyde, in ken chan¡¦s arms is silent as dead can be. He can do nothing except crying. His world has just crumbled down on him completely. The news that he just heard had just took away everything that he has, his life, his love and his soul. He can feel that he is losing his senses as every second is slipping away. Vivid images of tetsu keep running through hyde¡¦s mind. Yet, all hyde has, is the tetsu who is just lying there, coldly.



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The car arrives at the Tokyo Hospital, carrying two liveless souls. Hyde and ken get off the car and are again, surrounding by a bunch of reporters.
¡§ Haido san, can you tell us what happened to tetsu san??¡K¡K¡¨
¡§ Ken san, is it true that tetsu san is really hurt??¡K¡K..¡¨
No one can answers these questions, the two members with the help of their staffs just walk into the hospital silently not even looking back.
¡§ These people¡Kdo they really care?¡¨ ken is really pissed off, not only the news of tetsu¡¦s accident is making him miserable, now the stupid reporters have to get into the way.
Hyde, still silent, not saying a word and just walks quietly besides ken until yukkie comes.
¡§ You are finally here, we¡¦ve been waiting for you guys for so long already.¡¨ Yukkie looks tired, and his voice sniffled. He gives a glance to ken and waits for hyde to speak.
¡§ Sorry that I got here so late, I didn¡¦t get the phone call because I¡K¡¨ hyde finally speak but he¡¦s interrupted by yukkie again.
¡§ It¡¦s ok, haido you don¡¦t need to explain this right now, we must go to see tetsu. All of us¡K¡K..¡¨ yukkie forces himself to smile at hyde. ¡§ Tetsu just got out of the operation minutes ago.¡¨
¡§ Really? How is he?? Is he awaked?? Is he¡K¡¨
¡§ he just awaked, let¡¦s go.¡¨
¡§ Yogata ne.¡¨ ken looks at hyde besides him.

  The room is filled with people, tetsu¡¦s parents, some of tetsu¡¦s closed friends. Hyde is a little hesitated to go in because he is so afraid to look at tetsu lying there. Following yukkie and ken, hyde enters the room. He feels that his heart starts to beat more quickly and his breaths begin to become really hard.
  The room is liveless and gloomy, the only sound that could be heard is the crying of tetsu¡¦s mother. The rest of the people are just so quiet. The entering of the rest members of laruku has brought some kind of surprise to the people in the room.
  ¡§ Ne, tetchan, haido had just came.¡¨ Ken says, looking at tetsu who can do nothing but just lying on the bed. Ken hides way his sadness, forcing himself back to who he usually is.
  Hyde on the other hand, moves himself slowly towards the bed. His heart aches, the kind of feeling that he has never had for anybody in his whole entire life. He holds back his tears and takes off his sunglasses.
  << good, tetsu is still in one piece. At least it¡¦s not like he¡¦s all wrapped up in bandage or anything>> hyde tries to think positively. Tetsu¡¦s face still looks like the way he supposed to, so delicate, so pure. Hyde examines, and moves closer to tetsu.
  ¡§ Hi¡K¡K..¡¨ tetsu forces himself to smile at hyde and finally says. But his voice is so small, hyde bends down his head.
  ¡§ Don¡¦t try to speak, tetchan. You need to rest.¡¨ Hyde looks at his lover, tries not to cry. Hyde feels that his heart had just been ripped out and torn into pieces. He can¡¦t believe that it¡¦s really tetsu lying there. He was just fine, the night before. But now, he¡¦s in so much pain even though he¡¦s trying not to show it. Hyde knows, tetsu is just pretending to be fine like he would always does. What¡¦s even more heartbreaking is that there is nothing hyde can do to help his lover to feel better. Hyde just wishes that he can take away the pain that tetsu¡¦s feeling, he would do anything. Just to make tetsu to feel a little bit better.
Hyde runs his hand through tetsu¡¦s silky hair, just like he always like to do, but now he just feels so miserable. ¡§ Baka tetchan, what did you do this to yourself?? You know how painful you¡¦ve made us all feel?¡¨ hyde can¡¦s help himself saying that. Finally, he breaks into tears again. Unintentionally, drops of warm tears fall onto tetsu¡¦s face and his hand.
¡§ I¡¦m so sorry, haido, please don¡¦t cry.¡¨ Tetsu raises up his left hand and gently wipes hyde¡¦s tears from his cheeks. ¡§ You know that I don¡¦t like to see you cry, ne.¡¨
Hyde takes tetsu¡¦s palm, warm as usual and place it to his right cheek. Feeling his warmth, hyde closes his eyes and says, ¡§ Don¡¦t leave me, please. If you leave me, I¡¦ll cry forever.¡¨
¡§ Silly haido, of course I won¡¦t leave you, ever. You know that.¡¨ Tetsu giggles a bit. ¡§ I will never leave you, I promise,¡¨ and his tone turns serious. ¡§ The problem is that I¡¦ll probably never be able to¡K¡K.¡¨
¡§ Don¡¦t say it, tetchan. Don¡¦t think about it, please.¡¨ tears start to flow again from hyde¡¦s eyes. And tetsu¡¦s mother on the other side, turns from sobbing to crying again.

Suddenly, hyde stands up and walks towards the door of the room.
¡§ Are you leaving right now?¡¨ yukkie asks, puzzled as well as other people in the room by hyde¡¦s action.
¡§ No, I¡¦m just going to buy something. I¡¦ll be right back.¡¨ Hyde wipes away the tears that are on his face and walks out quickly.
Hyde feels the need to leave the room. It¡¦s too sad, too gloomy and too full of people. He just needs to get out of there and maybe when he comes back, he¡¦ll be able to have some space between himself and tetsu. There are so many things that hyde has to tell tetsu and he needs to clear his head for a minute too. Hyde needs to breathe.
Although understanding the risk, hyde decides to go to the flower shop that¡¦s beside the hospital. << the room sure can use some flowers¡K..>> hyde thinks. He leaves the hospital from the side entrance, and quite luckily, there aren¡¦t too many people there. Under his disguise, hyde walks quickly towards the flower shop, fearing that he might be recognize by other people.
Finally, he gets to the flower shop and he examines for a while at all of the flowers. He points to the bunch of lilies and tells the old woman, ¡§ I¡¦d like to buy that.¡¨ She nods and says, ¡§ hai, no problem,¡¨ and quickly wraps up the flowers.
Hyde hands the money to her, and just takes the flowers from her, without even waiting for her to give him the change.
  Ignoring her calling, hyde starts to walk back towards the hospital again. He walks into the hospital through the same door that he just left minutes ago. Hyde feels that his brain is much more clear now. There are so many things that hyde wants to say to tetsu after he gets back. First of all, hyde needs to tell tetsu how sorry he is for raging out at poor innocent tetsu last night and he¡¦ll have to tell him the truth. Also, he¡¦ll tell tetsu that everything is going to be all right. Hyde won¡¦t let anything happen to tetsu. With all this in mind, hyde looks down at the flowers that he¡¦s holding, smiling. << Ne, tetchan must like this¡K¡K..>>

What hyde doesn¡¦t know is that tetsu had just left, left the world. Tetsu had just fell into his deepest sleep while hyde is smiling. Without saying goodbye, tetsu will be sleeping¡K forever¡K¡K¡K

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hyde never got a chance to tell tetsu how sorry he is. Never. Tetsu had broke his promise, without even saying goodbye to hyde, tetsu had left him, forever. To hyde, it¡¦s like a dream, a nightmare. It feels so unreal and all too sudden. Sometimes hyde would think that he¡¦ll will wake up any second and still find tetsu besides him. Still, the other part of hyde tells him that it¡¦ll never happen. Although hyde had thought about leaving too, to find tetsu, but he knows that tetsu will never forgive him for doing that.
Hyde can never forgive tetsu doing leaving him too. How could he? How could he just leave hyde who needs him the most when he says that he¡¦ll never leave? It is the most cruel thing that tetsu had ever done to hyde. Hyde can have nothing and desire for nothing in this world except tetsu and fate had just taken away the thing that is the most important to hyde. Is it some kind of stupid joke that fate had just pulled on him? Hyde has nobody to answer his questions. Even tetsu won¡¦t answer those questions in hyde¡¦s dreams. Finally, hyde had learned to accept the truth. The truth that tetsu is no longer with him now.
    Fate is a funny thing, it can be changed so suddenly. It let hyde to meet tetsu and gave hyde his happiest days with him. Then it would take an ironic turn and takes everything away from hyde again. Everything is just unexplainable. Fate is fate¡K¡K..
Hyde needs to thank it for giving the love of his life and he would also need to recent it for making his lover disappeared. But to hyde, he finds himself more gratitude for what he¡¦s got. At least he had tetsu¡¦s love and he knows that he¡¦ll always have tetsu¡¦s love. Even though tetsu is not with him anymore, his love will never be gone. Love is not something that could be taken away, at least to hyde, he can always feel the presence of tetsu¡¦s love and care. And hyde thanks for that, the never disappearing of tetsu¡¦s love.
    Sometimes hyde would find himself caught up between his own contradiction. He knows that he¡¦ll never forgive tetsu but he¡¦ll never stop loving tetsu. He hates tetsu for making him all alone and having to wake up in the middle of the nights all by himself. At the same time, hyde had never loved anybody so much in his whole life. How could he make himself not loving tetsu? It is simply mission impossible. Hyde knows that he¡¦ll love tetsu forever. Even if that means hyde will have to be lonely for the rest of his life.


Back to the cemetery *

¡§ Hey you guys, wait for me!¡¨ finding that ken and yukkie had walked so much in front of himself, hyde decides to run after them.

  The road lying in front of him isn¡¦t an easy one. Although it may be painful, hyde knows that he¡¦ll have to continue walking. Just like his love for tetsu, will continue forever¡K¡Kand hyde will always have tetsu¡¦s love and he will always be thinking about tetsu¡¦s warm smiles whenever he feels sad or lonely.

  Just say fare well to all sadness and pain.

 

 

--------------- completed ---------------