There were many rumors and speculations about hyde and Megumi
outside the entertainment scene. Such messages flooded all mailing lists
and BBSs. No one was able to come up with a conclusive answer. When
asked, Megumi just giggled like an innocent schoolgirl first time in love,
hyde gave vague answers and the rest of Larc refused to comment on
anything. Well, all the suspicions were shaken, the hyde-Megumi saga
made it to the cover of a female magazine. There were exclusive photos
of them taken in a supermarket. They were like a couple, buying
groceries for the family. They were co-habiting in hyde's apartment. The
rumors were confirmed. They were dating. The magazine sold like
hotcakes and most of them ended up disfigured in the rubbish chutes.
Other magazines took the cue and started publishing articles and photos
of hyde and Megumi together. They seemed to be able to make a big
fuss over a small matter like Hyde and Megumi going into the gym to
work out or Megumi flaunting her huge diamond ring to everyone at the
taxpaying center. Hyde was very irritated with these reports but Megumi
seemed to be enjoying the increasingly amount of media attention on
her.
Fortunately, the band was not affected at all!
The mailing lists and BBSs became a channel to curse Megumi. All of
Larc (except for hyde)were amused with the comments the fans gave
and especially tetsu, he loved to read all the curses inflicted on Megumi.
He preferred the English BBSs since they were more creative and
outspoken than the Japanese ones. Overall, he enjoyed reading the
comments posted on HEAVENLY BBS, an English BBS hosted by a
Canadian girl. The comments on the board were mostly funny and
Megumi was always the butt of attack! He was impressed with the
webmaster of this site since her site was so extensive and he once told
ken that DANGER CRUE should employ her to redesign their official
Website which looked so plain. He even bookmarked the page! Once, he
had posted a message under an anonymous name to curse Megumi. He
chuckled slightly when he thought of that, everyone on the BBS thought
that he was just another fangirl. It was fun.
ken's wife was very strict with him and wanted him to go home
everyday for dinner. Ken was ranting of his horrible life with no freedom
and planning to get a divorce. Hyde was always with Megumi. In the
end, he was often alone but luckily, sometimes yukihiro would stay and
play computer games with him. Otherwise, he would rent anime tapes
to watch. Hence, other than during work, tetsu got to see hyde less and
less often. He thanked god that their work schedule was often packed
and most of the time, they could see each other. But that damned
woman seemed to be very free since she often came to the practice
room and watched them play. All of them did not like an outsider in the
same room because this would hinder their creativity and they politely
told hyde about it. Hyde warned Megumi about it but she insisted that
she wanted to see hyde so badly and promised she would not affect
their practice session. Having no choice, Larc had to give way. Hyde was
apologetic and tetsu was glad that he was.
Megumi seemed to get more popular since her name was always
ornamented with hyde's name. She was recording her second single.
Hyde was the one who wrote the lyrics for her on her behalf. All of Larc
felt that it was a silly thing to do but they did not comment on it anyway.
Ken predicted that maybe hyde would even compose songs for her on
her behalf.
In one of the Ciel fanclub magazine, tetsu was asked to describe the
type of girls he liked or any girl he had admired. He first saw her in his
dream. (What happened in the past was already a dream.) She was a
doll. (he was as pretty as a doll. He was a porcelain doll. So fragile and
flawless.) She was the vocalist of a band. (He was the vocalist of a
band.)
The fans were told to guess who he was describing. The conclusion was
Kaori Mochida, the vocalist from Every Little Thing.
With coincidence, kaori also had a crush on tetsu for a long time.
Seizing this precious chance, she agreed to meet him on TV. It was also
something like the infamous Utaban episode. Since tetsu was lonely
most of the time, hyde was taken up and Kaori was such a sweet, nice
and caring girl; she was not bad looking too; even tetsu's mother had
telephoned him from Osaka to nag at him for getting a girlfriend soon
and expressed her liking for kaori when she appeared on TV; tetsu and
kaori became an item.
Everyone in Larc was happy. They were rich, they were one of the most
successful bands in Japan and there was no one in Japan who did not
know who Larc was. Ken was getting married again, hyde got Megumi,
tetsu got Kaori and yukihiro got his chocolates, pocky sticks and coke.
Underneath the blissful facade lay 2 people which unspeakable sorrows.
One subject heading on the BBS caught tetsu's attention. It was a
discussion about hyde's `degrading voice'. Tetsu's admitted that hyde's
voice had changed over the years and he realized that hyde seemed to
be going off keyed quite often. Well, tetsu believed that hyde had been
smoking too excessively these days due to stressed and also the need
for inspirations to write songs. He wrote that in the BBS.
Kaori was a bad substitute. Nothing about her reminded tetsu of the one
he once loved and still loved. Hence, he kept himself as occupied as
possible and started composing many songs. He even suggested that
Larc should have a double album in the same year. Everyone agreed
and tried to work towards that goal and began to churn out songs. Even
yukihiro took part in the composing part. Ken was highly not so
productive this time because he was undergoing another marriage crisis
again.
X X X X X
Tetsu could not believe it! He had been thinking all the events for such a
long time. He felt nostalgic to the past, way to the indies days, to the
little tiny unit back in Osaka.
Hyde's words ringed in his ears, `Yes. We are getting married.' Loud and
clear. The most annoying thing was hyde started to sport the unshaven
look which he found it marred hyde's beautiful face. Only ken could take
the look.
He was very tired now and no more energy to cry.
After the success of HEAVEN'S DRIVE single, SONY gave them a 2 weeks
break before filming the PV of pieces in England. Ken went Hawaii,
yukihiro was relocating his drum studio and he heard that Megumi was
bugging hyde to bring her to Paris. Kaori was having tour now and
hence he was alone. He decided to visit his parents back in Osaka.
Actually, it was an excuse, he wanted to return back to the little
apartment which seemed so near and yet so far.
The surroundings were still the same as many years back except that it
was more quiet and less people staying in the area. The restaurant was
gone and left vacant. The building was still there and it looked so run
down. This building must be very strong since it had survived
independently for many years and still erected. It seemed to be
forgotten and there were no more occupants in the block anymore.
Tetsu had mixed feelings and he was feeling confused and his head was
spinning while he climbed up the stairs. He thought he saw hyde in
white smiling at him while wiping off his sweat from his forehead as he
was helping him with the luggage. The lights were out and the stairways
were dark and gloomy like his heart.
Taking a deep breathe, he pushed the door to his unit open. It gave a
creak. Inside was the same as the past. The same old memories
wandered back to him. There were a lot of cobwebs and he thought of
hyde and his spiderphobia. It felt like only yesterday. He was transported
back in time again and the ghosts from yesterday started to haunt him.
The room was cold but he did not feel it. Instead the pendant which was
usually cold against his skin seemed to perform magic here. It was
emitting heat to warm his heart up and he found comfort with it.
He walked to the familiar room and touched every inch of the walls.
Some of the furniture was still there and tetsu realized that they were
the last occupants and no one had stayed in this unit after them. The
furniture seemed to be expecting him to return and they stood proudly
against the test of time. Tetsu touched the cupboard in his room and it
collapsed on the spot. It had already fulfilled its duty in waiting for his
master to see it and now, its responsibility was over. Tetsu dared not
touch other items for fear that they would just crumple like the former.
He wandered into hyde's room. A strong feeling which he had never
experienced before overwhelmed him. He felt as if in a dream. He saw a
piece of yellowed paper below the bed. Picking it up, he saw the
words, `taste of love' followed by part of the lyrics of the song. He
flipped to the back page and he froze. He saw himself. Hyde drew a
picture of him while writing the song taste of love. What had he done to
lead hyde into drawing him? He knew the answer and it was something
he refused to face and believe. Hyde actually loved him all the way. He
finally knew why hyde turned away from him when he came up to jam
with him during taste of love. It was so clear. Hyde did not want to be
reminded of his sadness. Sakura was only a facade. They were so
closed because ken was only interested in girls, tetsu chose to ignore
him and he was lonely and sakura was the only one available.
Every word in taste of love was so piercing and sharp and they stabbed
him directly into the heart. He blamed himself that he should not have
turned hyde away everytime. He wondered how would things turned out
if he had been truthful to himself in the first place. He did not know the
answer.
What is the use of L'Arc~en~Ciel? So what if it is so famous? Fame and
money were meaningless to him when he could not have love. His heart
had been empty for so many years and none could fill up the hole. He
felt that it was a joke heaven had been playing on him. He had loved
someone for such a long time and that someone had also loved him and
yet they were not together. the one he loved dearly would be getting
married soon and he was dating someone who he did not even love or
feel a damned thing. He held the paper dearly and preciously on his
chest. Things were going very wrong now. `HAIDO!' he murmured. `I
always loved you.' And he cried.
At the instant when tetsu shed his first drop of tears, someone allowed
his tears to trickled down. He had been watching quietly near the door
for a long time and unable to hold back his tears anymore. Before the
pathetic weeping figure noticed him, he made his way out quickly and
discretely. He ran all the way back to his Osaka home with great speed.
`You just have a competition?' his mother asked.
`Why are you panting so heavily?' his father asked, puzzled.
`Uncle, Auntie, I think he must have been chased by some fans.' Megumi
giggled.
`Nothing of that sort.' Hyde answered, feeling irritated and stomped back
to his room, leaving the rest feeling even more puzzled.
He locked his room up, collapsed into the floor and cried. Tetsu
remembered and he also remembered. The memories were like tattoos,
firmly etched onto the skin and even it was a painful process, the end
product was beautiful and artistic. When you wished to remove the
tattoo, the process was also painful and would not be removed
completely too. A scar would remain to remind you constantly of the
tattoo you had in the first place.
`I love you too. Tetsu.'
Throughout the years, he had been trying to forget tetsu. He had even
used sakura to spite tetsu. sakura was a great friend and helped him to
make tetsu jealous too. Tetsu still remained unmoved. Hyde was tired of
all these and then channeled his frustration into cutting his hair shorter.
True, he was very depressed over sakura's incident and he had lost
such a good friend. There was no one to confide in his feelings and
provide him with the moral support.
`hyde-kun, are you fine?' Megumi asked as she knocked the door.
`Nothing.'
He still kept in touch with sakura and sakura was the one who suggested
that he looked for a girl to date. They agreed that it was the ultimate
plan to move tetsu. Sakura suggested Megumi because she was an easy
woman who could not wait to get hitched. After weighing out all the
possible candidates, Megumi seemed like the best choice. This would
shock everyone out there since it was obvious that hyde deserved
someone better. He was even more beautiful than her. Tetsu would
have no choice but to expressed himself. Instead, tetsu flew into a rage
and accused hyde of affecting the band's future. This made up hyde's
mind to carry on with Megumi to spite tetsu. Well, he must have pushed
the situation the other way round because very soon after that, tetsu
was going with kaori.
Hyde hated Kaori instantly. Tetsu was a fool. How could he dream of
her? How could she be compared to a doll? Her voice sucked and how
could she be the vocalist? Something hit him on the head. A realization.
She was not kaori. He knew the answer now. Tetsu was referring to
him. No wonder sakura laughed when he read that description.
He decided to take a gamble. He would marry Megumi. Marriage was no
big deal since ken was a living example. He had already had 2
marriages and it seemed that he was going for a third one very soon.
He discussed this plan with Sakura who was against it.
`No. You cannot do it this way. That woman will leech on to you forever.'
`Remember what happened to her ex? She told the whole world that she
was the victim and I doubt so.'
`Don't talk me around. I have decided.'
`But……this is not a joking matter.'
`At most I get a divorce.'
`Sakura, I hope to get your support, that is enough.'
`Alright then. Good luck.'
`Thank you.'
He had won this match. Tetsu was moved. Drying his tears, he walked
out of the room as if nothing had happened but he got an even greater
plan on his mind.
X X X X X X
