Well, if you are, there's a church just for you in Cleveland, the Greater Cleveland Church of Christ! They are affiliated with a larger group, the International Churches of Christ. In addition to preaching against the sin of being overweight, they have many other doctrines which you haven't found before! For example, they teach you must recruit other people to be saved. They also require a "Special Missions Contribution" of 20 times your weekly tithe, and demand that you submit unconditionally to their leaders - "Even if they are not very Christ-like." They also claim their church is the only true church. And they also usually believe that when critics call them a dangerous cult, it's nothing more than "persecution."
If you are looking for a controlling environment that has been denounced as a cult, this could be the church for you, especially if handing out flowers in airports never appealed to you. However, this church is looking for a special kind of member. Listen to these words of Marty Fuqua, World Sector Leader of the Northern Federation: "As I looked at the West sector, it was made up of the weak and the weird. I said, ‘Listen, if you're a white collar person, don't you ever bring in another blue collar person. You reach out to white collar people. If you're a blue collar person, don't you come in here with someone who doesn't have a job. You reach out to blue collar or white collar." So if you're interested in being a member of a fired up church lead by people like Marty Fuqua, and believe you're the type they are looking for, head over to www.icoc.org and find out how to contact an ICC congregation near you!