LAMENT

Oh, Lord, I feel so worthless, inadequate, a nothing!
     Prove me wrong!
Lord, I feel so unloved, unlovable.
     Send me someone who will love me deeply,
     So deeply that I can believe otherwise!
I feel so alone, so lonely, so empty.
     Feel me up; surround me with Your presence.
I feel no one cares, no one needs me, no one wants me.
     Please, God, prove to me that I am wrong.
I feel forsaken, blocked off, locked out of joy.
     Oh Lord, Lord, don't You have the key?
Words seem so empty, no weapon against the lonely pain.
     Lord, make Your promise of love come alive for me!
I cannot see You;
You are so distant, so omnipotent, so supreme.
I cannot believe that You could care
For such an insignificant me!
     Please God, show Yourself to me
     So I can really see
     And feel and touch and hold You.
     Show me You in a human, so I may know the reality
     That I can see and touch and hold.
I want to hurt myself, ridicule myself,
Wound myself in their presence
     So they - and You - may pick me up,
     And soothe me and comfort me and make me feel loved.
I want to scream and cry and catch someone's attention
     So others will start to care,
     So others will want to stop me,
     So I can see that it makes a difference...
     NO!
     That I make a difference in their lives.
Oh God, I hurt so, I want so;
I hunger and thirst to be Somebody
To somebody who is important to me.
You are sometimes not real enough,
Not tangible enough to hold on to.
Then Your promises seem like whispers lost on the wind.
And the blessings I have felt seem to melt
From my memory and from my assurance,
And are mere illusions, no longer a foundation for faith.
Oh Lord, I feel lost.
     Please find me.
     Search for me and seek me
     So that I can really believe that You want me!
Oh God! Is it only a dream that I felt loved?
I can't feel it now!
I can't touch it now!
Love is the only life-line that will save me;
Yet I sink deeper down the abyss.
Oh God, reach out, with human hands and human
     words and human love.
And hold on to me with divine love
And don't let me go!
I'm so afraid of never having had it at all.
     Oh Lord, my God, please prove me wrong!