Untitled - By Suzanne Palu



I should have know he was going to leave me. I knew that I loved him too much and for too long, but I didn’t know how much it would hurt! So first I thought about suicide. I thought my life was no longer worth living. So I went to see a shrink. My diagnosis?? “Adjustment Disorder/Cyclic Depression! Well, duh! I’m paying him $187 an hour for him to tell me that? I could have told HIM that! I just wanted something to get me through the pain, something to help me sleep. He gave my 7 sleeping pills! SEVEN! Not enough to overdose on, but a week’s supply. I had to go see him in another week to get another week’s worth of sleep. What a racket!

Then I got angry! “How in the hell could he do this to me??” “I thought he loved me!” “He said he loved me!” We’ve all been there, being the dumpee instead of the dumper. It hurts! And it hurts for a long time. Finally, we go on. We get out of bed, wash our hair, maybe get it cut in a cute, flirty style, and go on. So I decided to go on with my life without him in it.

So how does a person who is basically shy, works too many hours, find someone? Since most of my day is spent on the computer, many hours of it on the internet, I decided to sign up for an internet dating service! I’d heard all horror stories, I’d heard about all the women who had been stalked, but hey! I thought I had a pretty good handle on it!

So this is the story of how I ended up here, in the North Carolina Center for the Emotionally Challenged. Or as it is better know to us residents, NCCEC.

I was surfing the net, like so many of us lonely people do, and found a link to the Adult Dating Service. I signed up (it was free, and free always fits into my budget) and set up a profile under “looking for discreet relationships”. I knew I didn’t want anything to do with the “looking for group sex” guys or “water sports” guys! I mean, I like sex, but I’m not interested in anything too kinky, or so I thought. Oh, yeah! My profile! I wanted something simple, without seeming like I was really desperate. I also wanted to discourage the real perverts. You know the guys - the ones who post a picture of their penis instead of their face! Although, I have to admit, I did find some of them very intriguing! There was this one picture, but I digress.

“Lonely Transplant from the midwest looking for a discreet relationship. I’m 41, 5’4” tall, weigh 125 pounds. I have red hair and blue eyes. I enjoy walking on the beach, candlelit dinners, reading and running. If you’re interested, send me an email.”

I thought that was pretty basic. I didn’t reveal too much, didn’t give a lot of thought to it really. I didn’t post a picture, yet, and all the initial emails are handled through the service, so I thought, why not. I pushed the submit button and waited. And waited. And waited some more. I was beginning to think I’d never hear from anyone.

“My name is Mike,I am 44 years old,good loooking,6ft.3" tall,190lbs,physically fit,a great lover,willing to try new things,would like to be with two women at the same time but haven't experenced it yet,would like to watch two women doing each other and then join in.I'm easy to communicate with and to talk to.”

Two women at the same time? I think I’m a bit too conservative for you Mike! I appreciate the beauty of another woman, envious at times (okay, envious almost all the time), but I really like men. There’s something about a man and a woman together, how everything just fits! I’ve thought about what it might be like to be involved with a threesome, but I don’t think I could go through with it. First of all, I’d look at her butt and then look at mine. Mine is definitely bigger (who wants a woman fatter than you are?) Then I’d compare our breasts! Are those real?? No, they can’t be! Look at how rounded they are! At least a D cup! And they are still standing up! At her age?? Then there’s the part about having to do to her what’s done to me. Ewwwww! I know I couldn’t do that! No, I don’t think I could handle a threesome. The competition alone would be unnerving. Not to mention the fact that he can’t spell, and his grammar is awful.

So I sent Mike a thanks, but no thanks letter. I had to think about this a while longer. Exactly what kind of man am I looking for? What kind of qualities are important to be. Not an easy task for a woman who gets a headache when she thinks!

“I'm either a state or a keyboard away. How do you look at it? I'm a transplanted mid-Westerner too :) Go ahead and write back. It'll be fun.

This is a copy of my profile:
Hi, I'm Robert. Let's face it, most of us (myself included) love sex and can't get enough of what we love ha-ha. But, given a choice, wouldn't you rather make love than have sex? Granted, an occasional "romp" is a good short term solution to being horny (ha-ha). But seriously, when romance comes your way, isn't it often better with someone who has stimulated you mentally 1st? Don't you think the act of making love is MUCH MORE INTENSE when there's an attraction that runs below the surface? Do you like knowing someone intimately, before being intimate with them? I hope so... I do. The main ingredient here, the catalyst I'm looking for is "Friendship 1st". From there... anything's possible. I mean, What's the worst thing that could possibly happen... you ONLY might gain a friend! Hey, you got to many friends? How many showed up to help the last time you moved (ha-ha)? Anywho, I'd like to broaden my horizons and get to know people with a wide (and possibly different) range of interests. I've had a moderate amount of wild experiences(one man's floor is another man's ceiling). I occasionally like living vicariously through the lives of others(Now that's safe sex! ha-ha). If you want to brag, go ahead, I'm a good listener. I'm not easily shocked. I'm curious almost everything about darn near everything. I'm very approachable, but reserve the right to say "NO" if something makes me feel uncomfortable. Mutual respect of opinions is important to me. I'm active, adventurous, fun-loving and looks... yeah, I got 'em, but they seem to be different to everyone who meets me(ha-ha I’m a non-drinker and a non-smoker, but those are just the standards I set for myself, not for others. Age, race, weight, favorite color, position of the moon really don't matter to me. What matters is what's in your heart. A good sense of humor... BIG PLUS. I like to laugh as well as make other people do the same. Honesty and openness are oh so cool? Do you like any of the following; Rock, Classical, Jazz, Biking, Hiking, Camping, Romance, Mystery, History, Art, Architecture, Astronomy, Reading, Travel, Gardening, Eating, Sleeping and Breathing? Good! We've already got something in common!). Something wonderful could start with just a little message from YOU. Go on... I dare yak!”

Sounds pretty good, right?