THE PATH
Part 1
Sometimes you look back on your life and can see that moment. The one where your life took on a new direction, where from that moment on, nothing was ever the same. She knew that moment in her life. Knew it now. And somehow, she always felt that she’d known it then as well. Had been brave enough to take that step into a whole new world. Once that step was taken she walked along the path, ever upward, ever forward. Knowing this was the gift set before her by the gods that be. Knowing that she’d already been given such gifts as she walked and struggled, she continued to press on. Thinking back she remembered some of the events she’d faced on the way.

Remembering the day she found the path, wandering in the valley, in the lush easy fields. The opening looked warm and inviting to her. There were flowers just beyond the arch in the trees. The path was clear and looked easy. It seemed to her that if she just walked a little bit along the way, she would find a place to view the valley, and come to know the lay of the land. It would aid her in navigating the valley to see it from a different perspective. Stopping to thank the gods for the good fortune at her discovery, she set out on what would become the journey of a lifetime.

At first the path was gentle, full of little wonders. Bits of beauty would appear in the forest as she walked softly through the silence. The occasional rustling of the wind through the leaves somehow spoke directly to her soul. Seemed to whisper words of encouragement and hope. Like water to a man lost for years in the desert, she drank thirstily at these words. The smallest flowers would seem to appear in the most unlikely places, always ahead of her, beckoning her forward. The fluttering wings of a butterfly as it flew among the leaves of the trees drew her higher up the mountain. She saw the delightful delicacy of this creature at the same time she saw the power of its flight. Soaring in the gentle breezes, soft and easy, comfortable in it’s beauty. Somehow, the path seemed to call her into it, wanting to meet her steps, to feel her open up to the wonders of the mountain. Without realizing it, she left the valley far behind.

When the tests came, she already knew that she belonged here on the mountain. Knew that this path was hers, that she would not, could not, turn away. This challenge was hers, it would, for better or worse, shape her life, mold her in a new way. She hungered for these lessons, felt her inner core respond to the challenges laid before her. She could feel herself grow stronger as her legs climbed higher and higher. There were the rocks and boulders which almost defeated her, teaching her about her determination. Scrambling over, clutching at the smallest fingerholds, knuckles white from the desperate need to hold on. As if her very life depended on holding tight to the lessons to be learned here. Perhaps it did.

The storms that threatened to blow her from the face of the mountain showed how clearly she could depend on her courage. Lashed raw by the driving rain. Slipping and falling in the muck and the mud. Clinging to trees, counting on the strength of their roots to keep her true to her path, she found the courage to face the raw, fierce pain of life without giving up on herself or her vision.

There were incredible fogs that settled on the shoulders of the mountain, completely hiding the path from view. At these times she wanted to stop, to simply remain where she stood. Yet that option never seemed open to her. Drenched in fear so terrible, so consuming, she place one foot in front of the other. So sure that she’d miss the path before her, each step seemed an agony all to itself. Somehow she found the faith in the path and in herself and continued forward.

Even joy and rapture had a cost. There were times when she would forget herself in the sights that came to her. It was so easy to become careless then. To slip on a rock, to tumble back down the path. Or worse. She could become so enthralled that she stopped following the path entirely.

The gifts that came with following this path were equal to the difficulty of the climb. She was rewarded with finding the jewels that lived inside of her. Dignity, strength and great, quiet courage. Her understanding of the whims of life gave her great compassion for others. Especially for those who knew they were also on their own path. She knew patience and faith in ways that she’d never even imagined. And she’d learned to appreciate all of the beauty she encountered along the way. She learned keep her eyes open, for she never knew when glory would show up around her.

Although she walked singly up the mountain, there were times when she wished she was truly alone. Slowly, as she placed one foot in front of the other, she’d discovered she carried a partner along with her. This partner lived in her heart and in her thoughts. It shaped everything about the way she saw herself and the world around her. Invisible from any other, her silent partner colored every sight she encountered, letting her see the sorrow in each bit of beauty. Hear the howling emptiness of the wind even as it tenderly lifted the most delicate butterfly high above the earth. This partner always found the sorrow in life. Saw the future snowstorms on sunny days. The decay of the rose in the tender bud before her eyes. Even gazing at an incredible vista, laid before her feet, she looked through the eyes of the only lover she’d known for a long, long while. The sadness and pain never left her heart.

Sometimes, laying down at night, she would pray for another partner to accompany her along her travels. At times walking with this ache in her heart, she cursed her misfortune. Wondered why she seemed destined to be alone with the sadness. She’d come to believe that she’d known even as she set her foot on the first step of this journey, that she would leave the ordinary life behind. That these gifts that she’d been allowed to discover, carried a responsibility as well. Although she was unsure as to what that responsibility would be, in some way, she knew these gifts did not belong to her alone. And although she never forgot that she’d set off with only her loneliness as her companion, she believed the task set before her was worth her loneliness. In her heart, she knew that she would always walk alone. She loved the gifts she’d been given. And there were times when she would have given up everything to be held again. To find peace in the arms of her lover. To be kissed. Tenderly, softly and passionately. Her tears burned on those cold nights. It seemed the loneliness and heartach were from an infinite well, one that could easily consume her.

Her faith kept her going. She knew that someday, hopefully soon, she would reach the top of the mountain. This thought kept her spirits high, knowing that she would discover the most wondrous gifts at that mountain top. She felt she’d been promised this by the gods that be. And she knew what she hoped for. It was in her dreams every night. In her thoughts every day. Surely, the gods would reward her efforts by fulfilling her dream?

Here, today, she was in a deep part of the forest. Trees thick with age, green leaves high over head, creating a distant canopy of dappled green against the blue sky. It was quiet, no noises to be heard except for the occasional crunch of a leaf or a twig under foot. She watched as she walked, there was really nothing else to do. Besides, she’d found some of the gifts by keeping her eyes open. Her steps wove between the gray trunks, each one rising straight and true, stretching right up to the heavens. Standing close enough so that the branches above created a complete ceiling over the forest. This place felt like a cathedral from the height and majesty of it. Each tree stood far enough apart from the others, growing strong, solidly nurtured by the ground below. She imagined the roots, struggling to break the rocks, intertwining, connecting, merging into one system under ground. Suddenly the trees no longer seemed isolated from one another. Their connection, though hidden from sight, was essential to their existence. No single tree could create the majesty that they could produce together. Walking up to the nearest tree, she reached out her hand, lightly touching the outer bark. She rested her palm against it, trying to send her appreciation for the shade being offered, for the sense she had that she was in a reverent place. Quiet now, she could almost feel the tree accept her thanks.

Moving on, she reached a place where the path veered sharply to the left. She watched her step carefully as she rounded the boulder that rested in the crook of the turn, navigating this turn. Coming fully around, she looked in absolute wonder. She could see the top of the mountain! She’d been walking so long, so hard, she’d come to think that she would never reach the top. Not like a conscious thought, more like this walk, this struggle had somehow become home to her. It was all she knew. Breathless at the sight, she leaned up against the boulder, trying to sort out the turmoil of her feelings. She wanted to run, to race to the top. To leave the path and fly directly to the apex. It was so tempting, just over that ridge. She wanted to stop and enjoy her last moments on the mountain. To savor the richness of this experience. Her sadness startled her. She’d worked so hard to get here, how could she be sad now? She’d imagined this day, this moment so many times. It was always a moment of total joy to her. Excited, full of a sense of accomplishment and pride. Where did this sadness come from? She realized in her new sorrow, that this path had become a friend to her, that as she moved on, into whatever came next, she would miss both the comfort and the struggle of this mountain.

She tried to look back, down the path she’d traveled so far. Much was hidden to her from where she stood. She hoped that she would be able to see her path in its entirety from the top of the mountain, even as she knew that the path, with all its twists and turns was etched deep in her heart. She didn’t need to revisit the path, she was the path.. Thinking her way through this moment, she decided to remain on the path, to stay true to what opened up before her. There would be no shortcuts for her, not now anyway. Setting off, feet tripping eagerly over the path, she was renewed, energized by the sight burned into her mind. Soon, she would know, she would see.

The final yards of the mountain were so beautiful to her, shaped into a thing of wonder by the joy in her heart. The tender flowers, nestled in the crook between two rocks, the shape of the boulders off to one side, the way the sunlight sparkled against the leaves - every sight seemed more beautiful than the last. A soft breeze caressed her, fluttering the soft folds of her skirt around her legs, seeming to urging her forward. Finally she knew she was at the top - in only seconds, she would see the glory of the gift she expected for her dedication. Closing her eyes, she stepped carefully to the peak. Trying to calm down, she tried to breathe normally before she would let them open. After a few moments, she let them slowly ease open.

With only the sharpest cry, she crumbled to her knees. Overcome by the sight before her, she raged at the gods. Cried out in anger, terror and agony. How could they do this to her? Hadn’t she worked hard enough? Were they truly cruel and evil gods - not the stern but benevolent gods she’d imagined? Her fury seemed to know no limits. Her cries and words rising from a place so deep in her, so elemental that it didn’t even seem to need real words. She shook her fist at the heavens, pounded on the ground of the mountain that she’d given her life to so willingly, with such dedication, such sacrifice.

A cloud came and settled over her as she lay weeping in her immeasurable sorrow, her body convulsing with the fury of her despair. Face still looking out at the sight that had taken away all of her resolve. The sight of a never-ending mountain range. How could they expect her to climb more mountains? To continue forever? Didn’t they know what she wanted? She didn’t know it, yet the cloud was sent by the gods. Taking pity on her sorrow, they sent the cloud of sleep to bring peace to her suffering.

Asleep, huddled against the mountain, shrouded in the mist, she slipped into the dream she had every night. A dream so soft and beautiful, it kept the worst of her fears at bay. Standing in a sunny field, with a small stream coursing nearby, the music of the water was sweetly mixed with the cries of the birds from the nearby trees. Mountains rose around her, back behind the trees on each side. She knew that when she turned around she would see her home. A cheerful, little yellow cottage, a rainbow of bright flowers in front of it, warm and inviting. There would be a garden beyond the home, full of herbs, vegetables and fruit trees. The door would be open, beckoning her inside. Entranced by the feeling of being at home, she would move to the doorway. Standing on the threshold, she could already feel his presence. Her lover had been here, he was gone now, and he would return soon. Her heart skipped a beat as she walked through the doorway. As she turned and moved into the kitchen, the heart of her home, she was caught by a new element in her dream. Startled, she walked to the window to watch as a brilliant, red cardinal sang outside her window. It’s song was so sweet it nearly broke her heart. It seemed to look her straight in the eye, singing directly to her. As if it was trying to tell her something. She stood there, spellbound until it finished, looked hard into her eyes once more, and flew away. Moving, as she always did, to her bed, the place she shared each night with her lover, she could still drink in the scent of him on the pillow. Somehow he would know she’d been there, would hug the pillow she clutched in her arms now. This was the place where they discovered their souls together in their passion and then cradled each other tenderly throughout the night. For now she slipped in to a quiet sleep, awaiting his return. Hoping, as always, to finally stand, face to face with her true love.





Please go to Part 2.


A WORK IN PROGRESS: The Path - Part 2


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