Your Horse’s Twelve New Year’s Resolutions
12. Work with under-privileged children, promote world peace, and, oh yes, appear – ungroomed and very skinny-in a Calvin Klein commercial.
11. To finally complete his collection of Beanie Babies.
10. To avoid all horse shows that don’t have speed dial to Domino’s, a hot tub, and valet parking. No, wait, that was your resolution.
9. Mud bath – at the world’s most expensive spa this time.
8. Have his colors done.
7. He’s tired of being just a show horse in front of the video camera – this year he wants to direct.
6. Renew subscription to Gourmet Legume of the Month club.
5. Consolidate his debts.
4. Trade in water bucket for a very large, very dry martini (shaken, not stirred).
3. Pierce navel. Look really cool.
2. Answer stall door wearing only a bath towel. Open door to see Ed McMahon. Win ten million dollars and national modeling contract. Become total snob, move to fancier stall, and never speak to Brownie and Skipper again.
And your horse’s number one New Year’s resolution: Come to be known as ‘The Jumper formerly known as Prince’.
