13 Reasons Horses Can’t Go To Outer Space
13. If you’ve never been able to teach Duffy, your horse, to close the barn door when he leaves, you sure can’t count on him to close the airlock.
12. It’s so hard to crib during freefall.
11. Excessive radiation makes his mane lie on the wrong side.
10. Your stallion doesn’t want to Go Where No Mare Has Gone Before.
9. An intergalactic incident will almost certainly result when Duffy makes first contact with an ambassador from a technologically advanced alien species: the Green Alfalfa Aliens.
8. Freefall. Manure. You do the math.
7. Duffy can’t judge the take-off spot for a three-foot oxer…you’re gonna let him calculate the launch window for a moon shot?
6. Do you have any idea what happens when a barn-sour horse realizes that he’s 200 trillion kilometers from home?
5. He thinks oxygen is optional and the Life Support System should be modified to emit a constant stream of strawberry pudding.
4. He isn’t ready for outer space; he still believes he’ll fall off the edge of the world if he passes C.
3. Once Duffy heard that Domino’s Pizza doesn’t deliver to Mars, it was all over.
2. He’s determined to seek out Yoda and learn how to lift an amateur using only the power of his mind.
And the number one reason your horse can’t go to outer space: Because no astronaut should have to say, “One small step for horse, one big mess on the moon. Somebody clean that up.”
