Welcome to the SiliconValley News & Reviews!

Humor Corner Area By Starr - SVCL

Different Kinds of Computer Viruses

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Anita Hill virus:  Lies dormant for ten years.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus : Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

AT&T virus : Every three minutes it tells you what great service
you are getting.

The MCI virus : Every three minutes it reminds you that you're
paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Bill Clinton virus:  This virus mutates from region to region and
we're not exactly sure what it does.

Bill Clinton2 virus:  Promises to give equal time to all processes:
50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones.  This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.

Congressional Virus:  Overdraws your computer.

Congressional2 Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Dan Quayle virus : Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network.

Dan Quayle2 virus : Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde youe typee..

David Duke virus:  Makes your screen go completely white.

Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Federal bureaucrat virus : Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying
its own motherboard.

Gallup virus : Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38% of
their data 14% of the time (plus or minus a 3.5% margin of error).

George Bush virus:  Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of
it until November.

Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

Jerry Brown virus:  Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number.

Madonna virus : If your computer gets this virus, lock up your dog!

Mario Cuomo virus : It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly
altering its appearance.  This virus won't harm your PC, but it will
trash your car.

New World Order virus : probably harmless, but it makes a lot of
people really mad just thinking about it.

Nike virus: Just Does It!

Ollie North virus: Turns your printer into a document shredder.

Oprah Winfrey virus : Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

Pat Buchanan virus:  Shifts all your output to the extreme right of
your screen.

Paul Revere virus : This revolutionary virus does not horse
around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by
LAN, twice if by C:.

Paul Tsongas virus: Pops up on December 25 and says, "I'm not
Santa Claus."

PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.

Politically correct virus : Never calls itself a "virus", but instead
refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

Richard Nixon virus: Also known as the "Tricky Dick Virus",
you can wipe it out but it always makes a comeback.

Right To Life virus : Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of
how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see
a counselor about possible alternatives.

Ross Perot virus : Activates every component in your system, just
before the whole thing quits.

Ted Kennedy virus:  Crashes your computer but denies it ever
happened.

Ted Turner virus : Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

Terry Randle virus: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.

Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

UK Parliament virus: splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system.

Warren Commission virus:  Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.

Visit the Starlight Gallery

Check out more like this on! Internet Computer Archives  

Three full pages of Computer Stories  

Check Out Tech Humor